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Yes, the strategy is:
1) While I'm there, shut up and feel annoyed, biting my tongue.
2) Drink lots and lots of their crappy wine, to numb the annoyance.
3) Trash them behind their backs to total strangers on the internet.
and
4) Be grateful for ANY validation from others that people like this are whack jobs. I am grateful for those of you who validated me, and I frankly can't believe all the people who think these folks are just perfectly correct & appropriate. Once more, I feel like I'm on another planet. Guess I'll never be invited to your homes. But if I am, I'll be sure to bring a gift, wine, and dessert, just to tick you off.
Location: Montreal -> CT -> MA -> Montreal -> Ottawa
17,330 posts, read 33,085,847 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TracySam
3) Trash them behind their backs to total strangers on the internet.
And this is why I love you... you make me laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh. And I'd serve your wine or pie or whatnot if you came to my house for dinner.
For me, the etiquette depends on the relationship I have with the host/hostess.
If it is one of my personal friends or family (immediate or extended), I find out what is needed beforehand and make the appropriate selections to bring to the party. In my circle of friends/family, you can NEVER mess up when bringing alcohol, more meat for the BBQ, or snack trays. They WILL get used. The more the merrier. With my close friends (which most of my food engagements occur with), I make sure what I brought to the party gets utilized, as well as seek feedback from the people who tried it. More times than not, if a certain something has a slew of leftovers (or was not cooked at all), the host/hostess will often times send it back home with us or someone else.
If I am invited to a dinner party with say, a boss or an associate, I will still find out what is needed to bring. If everything is covered already, I will bring a gift such as chocolates, flowers, dessert, or alcohol. In that case, what they do with it is up to them. Of course, I would hope they put it out for all to enjoy, but if they did not, it wouldn't offend me.
Last edited by ditchlights; 07-05-2011 at 07:38 PM..
I frequently volunteer to bring adult libations when invited to parties and sometimes encounter the same problem of my bottle being squirreled away while the hosts serve the cheap plonk. On the other hand, I've had situations where I'm giving a special wine to a host because it's their anniversary or bday and they open it anyway and serve it alongside 2-Buck-Chuck. You can't really win, and you can't really let it bother you.
One solution though is to bring red wine & pop it & double-decant it beforehand. I've been doing that when i want the wine served & I let the hosts know that the bottle has been uncorked to breathe & ready to pour.
When I have a guest bring a bottle of wine as a hostess gift, I say "would you like me to serve the wine you brought"? Usually the answer is "yes"! For a casual family gathering, I see no problem with including a guest-brought dessert with what I've made.
NOW let's talk about dinner guests salting their food before they've even tasted it, that really irks me and I find it so insulting!!
You've gotta get over the notion that you shouldn't get into other people's fridges! Especially when you're retrieving what you've brought.
I agree it's rude that they don't serve what you've brought, especially the pie. Next time, leave it out on the table and just cut into it. Make lots of "yummy!" noises while you're doing it. That'll learn 'em.
And bring two bottles of wine: the good stuff for you, and the crappy stuff for them. Bring your own corkscrew if you must, and open the good stuff and drink it yourself during the dinner.
Hehe, no I never put salt or anything on the food before tasting it (had that rule of etiquette beaten into me too).
But if you routinely go to someone's home where they don't believe in any flavor, and they don't put salt & pepper on the table, you get really good at smuggling in packets of salt & pepper and creating a diversion when you sprinkle them on your food!
I agree if it's a casual family cookout type event that the pie should be served. However, before going to any family gathering, I always call and find out what they need me to bring first. Maybe you could go in and offer to help put all the food out, so that you can make sure whatever you bring gets served. In my family, as well as the in-laws, everyone just gets in the kitchen and pitches in. I would never dream of just waiting for them to put all the food out. I would go in the kitchen and say something like, "let me give you a hand with getting all this food out", or when you walk in say something like "Betty, where are you putting all the desserts?" or "we picked up this pie at a wonderful little bakery near our house and we thought everyone might like to try it". Or do as a previous poster mentioned, when you walk in, just put it out immediately. If, for whatever reason, you feel strange opening their fridge, be sure to bring something that doesn't need refrigeration.
As for the wine, do the same thing. Just say something like "I found this new wine you might like to give it a try. Where your corkscrew and I'll open it so it can start breathing". Maybe they think if you aren't offering to open it/serve it, then you are intending it as a gift for them to consume later.
As far as a more formal event, or with business associates etc. I would ask if I could bring something, and do whatever is indicated by the hostess. I would also take a hostess gift, either wine, or a plant or something. But if I took wine I would never expect it to be opened at the event. Recently we attended a casual dinner party at the home of a business associate. The couple are really into wines, so we took a bottle for them to enjoy later. Every other couple attending did the same thing.
Is anyone else annoyed by this? You're invited to someone's home for dinner or a get-together, you take the time to make or buy something good to eat, or pick out a nice bottle of wine, and they never bring it out for you & the other guests.
Recently I picked a nice bottle of wine, not expensive, but moderate, like $25, to go especially with what my hosts planned to serve, and instead of opening it, they served Yellowtail. Nothing wrong with Yellowtail per se, but I kind of felt like they cheaped-out and hoarded the good stuff we'd brought.
Then at another family gathering for a dinner, we bought a home-made pie from a nearby farm where they make incredible pies. When it was time for dessert, they brought out a plate of cookies, an overly-sweet cake, and a fruit salad. Hope they enjoyed that pie after we left.
Has this happened to you? What did you do?
I can understand the wine unless the guest makes a point of stressing it was bought to be enjoyed that night. But the dessert should always be served. Actually I would use the wine as well. Still I do understand, it can appear to be a thank you, just like a hostess gift.
Nita
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For a casual family gathering, I see no problem with including a guest-brought dessert with what I've made. 
Especially when you're retrieving what you've brought.
