Family vs Alaska (home, living, vs.)

[Missing_The_Greatland]

I left Alaska four years ago to move back east to be closer to family after years of hearing, "when are you coming back home?" Now that I'm "back home," I don't really get to spend time with family because everyone is so busy. Not one day goes by that I don't miss Alaska, but I wonder if I am just being selfish. I know family is important, but I'm really torn - Family vs. Alaska. Anyone else struggling with this dilemma? Any insight would be much appreciated.

[Glitch]

I told my family that if they expect me to attend their funeral, they had better die in Alaska. I arrived in Alaska on May 4, 1991 and I have never left, nor do I ever intend to leave, for any reason.

[tasha998]

Been here a year and a half, and I am going home less often than I thought I would. I did say last summer that anyone was welcome to visit, but I was not leaving for any reason.

[Missing_The_Greatland]

Originally Posted by tasha998

Been here a year and a half, and I am going home less often than I thought I would. I did say last summer that anyone was welcome to visit, but I was not leaving for any reason.

I thought that, too. Then my mother died unexpectedly and I made it back east in time for the funeral. I wasn't there for my family when they needed me and that was hard to handle. So, after 20 yrs in Alaska, I sold the home I loved and I'm back here - feeling guilty for not wanting to be here. Sometimes, life takes an unexpected turn.....

[tigre79]

I lived 1200 miles away from home when my father was diagnosed with lung cancer three years ago. I'd only seen him once a year for several years before that. I was lucky that I could take a month off to be with him and the rest of my family, but then I had to go back to work and missed out on the last little bit of his life when he was out of the hospital and doing better. I got to be there for his last week, when he was fairly out of it. It was a lot easier to travel back and forth from Florida to Texas than it would be from here, and I still couldn't be there all the time I wanted to be. So now Dad's gone, my brothers are in Texas, and Mom moved to South America. It'll be tough to deal with when she gets sick, but that would only be helped a little if I was in the Lower-48.

I guess I'm rambling a little. I don't have anything to say that would make your dilemma easier. I just know that in my case, my family is happy I'm living the way I want to (and vice versa) and we'll all deal with things as they come. If Mom was still in Texas I still wouldn't live there just to be closer, and she wouldn't want me to anyways, just as I wouldn't want her to move back to the US just to make things more convenient for the rest of us. We are all who we are. If anyone asked me when I was moving home, all I'd be able to tell them is, "I am home." I decided a long time ago that home was wherever I was, not the place I was from. I'll always love that place, and the people there, but it isn't what I chose for my own life.

[Missing_The_Greatland]

Originally Posted by tigre79

I lived 1200 miles away from home when my father was diagnosed with lung cancer three years ago. I'd only seen him once a year for several years before that. I was lucky that I could take a month off to be with him and the rest of my family, but then I had to go back to work and missed out on the last little bit of his life when he was out of the hospital and doing better. I got to be there for his last week, when he was fairly out of it. It was a lot easier to travel back and forth from Florida to Texas than it would be from here, and I still couldn't be there all the time I wanted to be. So now Dad's gone, my brothers are in Texas, and Mom moved to South America. It'll be tough to deal with when she gets sick, but that would only be helped a little if I was in the Lower-48.

I guess I'm rambling a little. I don't have anything to say that would make your dilemma easier. I just know that in my case, my family is happy I'm living the way I want to (and vice versa) and we'll all deal with things as they come. If Mom was still in Texas I still wouldn't live there just to be closer, and she wouldn't want me to anyways, just as I wouldn't want her to move back to the US just to make things more convenient for the rest of us. We are all who we are. If anyone asked me when I was moving home, all I'd be able to tell them is, "I am home." I decided a long time ago that home was wherever I was, not the place I was from. I'll always love that place, and the people there, but it isn't what I chose for my own life.

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm sorry about your father, but you were there when it mattered. Wish I could say the same. Yes, it's a dilemma only because I love Alaska and I love my family and I want to do the right thing.

[IndianaMatt]

Family just gets in the way.

Live your dream.

Life is too short to do it any other way.

[moosehops]

I agree!!!!!!!!!!!!! Live your life. I just left the southeast in Sept. and I want so badly to go back, but I cannot find a decent job to support me. I am still fighting though. Good luck

[tigre79]

I just want to say (reiterate, really), that there's not necessarily a conflict between loving and valuing your family and living your life the way you see fit, as long as there's mutual respect among family members. Living your own independent life and following your own path doesn't have to be a rejection of your family or show a lack of respect or concern for their feelings. It only means that their choices aren't yours. This doesn't sound to me like MTG feels that their family is "getting in the way," but instead is feeling guilty for not being physically present during a difficult time, which is really normal and understandable.

It's a really hard thing to want to be near people, whether it's family or friends, that your own personal path has moved you away from. It's so much easier now to keep in touch through phone calls and Skype and Facebook, etc., but it's still not the same as being there. I often feel conflicted in the same way that MTG is, and may eventually move back to the Lower-48 in part to make it easier to visit people I care about. There have been many things that I've missed, and relationships that aren't as strong as I'd like them to be because I've been away from "home" for so long. You can't be in more than one place at a time though, so you have to make the best choice for your own life and find ways to compromise. And then you have to forgive yourself for not being perfect and know you're doing the best you can.

[gobrien]

I've had the same problem, family is important but they should know they are neglecting you and what you gave up. If they just want to be superficial, you can friend them on Facebook.