Non-Austin natives... what are your thoughts on Austinites? (Cedar Park, West: appointed, YMCA)

[ImOnFiya]

Originally Posted by jonsoncd

I have a feeling I might be sorry for posting this thread, but it's something that's been on my mind for a few weeks.

Last year, I decided I was going to make the move from Ohio to Austin. For the usual reasons.

Anyways, I have been on Craigslist for a year now trying to find a room for rent. Still no luck to this day. I've given up, as now 75% of the posts I respond to are spam. I also haven't been able to find a (decent) job.

Yet, you're probably going to be irresponsible and come down anyway. I'd call that pretty flakey. And, I'd doubt I'd be the only one. Thus, the many non-responses from Austinites toward an out-of-state stranger (northerner, no less) who apparently expects to be "besties" with people sight-unseen!

I'll make this very easy to understand: the self-described "flakiness" that you have experienced in dealing with Austinites is largely self-projection.

So, here's a little Texan advice: Stop being a flake from out-of-state and your problems would probably go away!

Good luck!

PS. I am "half-Texan" myself. My Dad's family is from here and I grew up mostly in Ohio, too.

[jonsoncd]

I'd like to begin by thanking everyone for mature and polite answers. I tend to stay away from posting controversial things on message boards because people get very rude and demeaning, since there is no face-to-face contact. Which, speaking of, a few of you mentioned Facebook. Don't get me started on how I feel Facebook and text messaging is ruining our society.... That's probably the easiest way to be a flake.

And there appears to be a little confusion, and I apologize for that. I'm actually in Austin now (well, San Antonio as I type this... I'm visiting for first Thursday/Friday for Contemporary Art Month). I've been in Austin since the end of December, plus on and off over the past 12 months. I'm not writing this from the north. That's what I meant when I mentioned "not coming back" after vacation.

I understand that I'm 27 and not in school anymore, thus making it more difficult to make friends. I'm just sick of things like "We HAVE to hang out," or "It'll be great to have another friend in Austin," to never hear from them again. (and I do attempt to contact them, but after a few tries I give up and move on.) A prime example of what I'm referring to: I met a woman when I was here in November. I left for the holidays and we chatted on the phone/text/facebook and she would not stop saying how we had to hang out, etc., etc. Fast forward to January, I called to make plans to check out some of her favorite bars that evening and then she vanished and I never heard from her again. That's an example of what I'm talking about.

I guess I was naive in thinking friendly=faithful.

[JayBrown80]

Originally Posted by jonsoncd

I'm just sick of things like "We HAVE to hang out," or "It'll be great to have another friend in Austin," to never hear from them again. (and I do attempt to contact them, but after a few tries I give up and move on.) A prime example of what I'm referring to: I met a woman when I was here in November. I left for the holidays and we chatted on the phone/text/facebook and she would not stop saying how we had to hang out, etc., etc. Fast forward to January, I called to make plans to check out some of her favorite bars that evening and then she vanished and I never heard from her again. That's an example of what I'm talking about.

I guess I was naive in thinking friendly=faithful.

I am not casting aspersions or trying to make you feel bad here, but usually when a woman tells you that, she is not interested but trying to be polite. It doesn't make her a flake.

To be honest, if you complained about people who were "false nice", the kind of people that are nice to you out of habit but could really care less, then I could see where you are coming from. But I don't think Austin has flakes.

If you are at a place in your life where you are trying to find more permanent living accomodations and a new job, maybe that should be where your concentration lies, and not on meeting people.

Get your life stable, and perhaps you will begin to meet stable people. I have found that people tend to seek out and find their own kinds. Artists find artsy people, rednecks find country people, and unstable people find unstable people. That seems to be what you are going thru. Buckle down, sort your life out, and then you will have something to offer stable "non flakey" people. As of right now, they are probably avoiding you.

Once again, not trying to put you down, just making an observation. None of these things may apply to you. But if I was reading an online dating profile and it said "Trying to find a new job, still haven't found a stable place to live, NO FLAKEY PEOPLE" then my first thought woudln't be "DAMN, I need to meet this man!".

When I was a partier back in the day and out and about, I had a lot of "friends" that were also partiers. You couldnt' count on them to watch your dog, but they were fun to hang out with. Partiers don't make for good friends, only acquaintenances. When I got older and settled down, I had less friends, but they were more stable, more apt to call you back, and more likely to be free and willing to hang out. Maybe you just need to find a better class of people to associate with. Stabilizing your own life will go a long way towards that end.

[jonsoncd]

Originally Posted by JayBrown80

I am not casting aspersions or trying to make you feel bad here, but usually when a woman tells you that, she is not interested but trying to be polite. It doesn't make her a flake.

Just to clarify, I never asked her to hang out or ever said I wanted to see her again in my life. She was the one who wanted to make plans.

If I called you up tonight and said, "Hey, lets go to Bar A at around 7pm" and you agreed, but then disappeared into the ether, do you think that's being polite? That's exactly what happened in this situation.

That was just one example.

I appreciate your other advice, you make a lot of excellent points. I guess after all my bad luck, I would, at the very least, be able to meet dependable people. But as you said, it may be in my head. That's why I was wanting to ask the question here so I can get a different perspective besides the one in my head.

[mark311]

Have you tried using meetup.com to make some friends with similar interests as you? It's a good resource as it consists of a lot of people that have time or want to make time to connect with new people.

Do something, Learn something, Share something, Change something - Meetup

[orangetravelerJP]

I don't think it's all in your head. I have heard this same thing from friends many times and experienced it more than once.

If Austin doesn't feel like the right place for you, maybe there is another place that would be a better fit. It's hard to make a change, especially when everyone adores Austin. People might think you are crazy for leaving but that doesn't mean it's true. You can like certain things about Austin and it still may not be the right place for you to live.

[sinking]

I forgot to mention in my post that my girlfriend, who is not an Austin native, but has spent 90% of her life in TX, much of it in Austin also feels that much of the population here are flakey. She is an Austin lover and does not have the same negative opinions that I do of the city so it is not just the haters projecting.

[CptnRn]

If by Austinites, you mean natives, I don't think you can blame native Austinites for what you have experienced. Chances are most of the people you have had experiences with are not native to Austin and many are not from Texas. So one could say that it is most of the world that you are finding to be flakey. Or perhaps its just that you are experiencing the same kind of difficulties getting to know people in a new place that everyone else experiences. I know when I was your age and moving around a lot I had similar experiences. It is difficult to make friends when you are not going to school with them or working in an environment where you met lots of people with similar interests.

It is not Austin. Most people living in Austin are not natives. They move here from all over the US and other countries. I can think of a relatively few people I know here who were born in Austin, after 34 years of living here.

According to population records Austin has grown by over 30 percent every 10 years for most of its entire history. At that rate it only takes 30 years for the population to more than double. https://www.city-data.com/forum/membe...#vmessage35896

To say that another way, over half of the current population of Austin did not live here 30 years ago.
I'm not sure what the birth rate is in Austin, but much of that growth has I'm sure been from people moving here. i.e. they a'int from here. There is a good chance that half of the people you have met, came from someplace else.

[mark311]

Originally Posted by CptnRn

Or perhaps its just that you are experiencing the same kind of difficulties getting to know people in a new place that everyone else experiences.

For what it's worth, I lived in the South Bay (Northern California) for two years and hardly made any friends, but I didn't really try to get involved with any organized activities. Within my first year of living in the Austin area, I made a lot of friends. You just have to go out and do stuff. Join a running/hiking club or a softball team. There's a Sci-Fi movie meetup in Austin on meetup.com with 19 people getting together tonight to watch a bad Sci-Fi movie. Even the geeks in Austin are making new friends.

[Jennibc]

I think people in their mid to late 20s are flaky as a group but I saw the same in Seattle when I lived there and in the Northeast when I lived there.