How to make friends in Chicago? (living in, move, friendly)

[Chicagoist123]

Originally Posted by mjtinmemphis

I didn't have a problen meeting people. I'm somewhat over the top with my friendliness. Social media is another option. Most people I've met are transplants over 35 from outside the Midwest. When I lived in Lakeview I didn't socialize or connect very well with that neighborhood so you may have to go outside of the neighborhood.

That's a good point too. I also am not a fan of Lakeview or it's people and I am sure I would be somewhat miserable there. In Chicago you have to find the neighborhood that fits your personality, and from there you will find that you have like minded people living there as well.

[Lorielicious]

Originally Posted by Chicagoist123

I disagree though. If you click with someone at the gym and see them on a regular basis why can't you be friends. Yes, most people don't go to the gym to make friends with people, but if you have an aquaintence there, why can't they become friends? I mean if you click with the person and get along, what are you supposed to say "Sorry we can not be friends outside of the gym"? Sounds kind of dumb to me.

Well if you click with someone anywhere, feel free to be friends. I'm not saying making friends at the gym is verboten, I'm just saying it's less likely to happen there than at a place where people show up for the purpose of meeting new people. If you meet someone you connect with at the gym, the grocery store, the waiting room at the doctor's office, then great. He doesn't seem to be clicking with any of those people though, and when I suggested he tried an alternate venue, his response was essentially "Well I'm not making friends at the gym, so the same thing will happen at a sports league." False.

Also, agree that you have to take the initiative. People who have friends already aren't typically scouting for new ones. I was born and raised in LA, and when I was there, I never sought out new friends because I always had them. I made friends with new people if they approached me and were cool, sure, but I didn't seek people out. When I moved here alone, everyone had their friends already, so I had to go out and do new things and had to talk people. It worked. It's not magic, but you can't be shy and expect people who have been here for 25 years to be constantly recruiting. They're already set. You're not.

[Chicagoist123]

Originally Posted by Lorielicious

Well if you click with someone anywhere, feel free to be friends. I'm not saying making friends at the gym is verboten, I'm just saying it's less likely to happen there than at a place where people show up for the purpose of meeting new people. If you meet someone you connect with at the gym, the grocery store, the waiting room at the doctor's office, then great. He doesn't seem to be clicking with any of those people though, and when I suggested he tried an alternate venue, his response was essentially "Well I'm not making friends at the gym, so the same thing will happen at a sports league." False.

Also, agree that you have to take the initiative. People who have friends already aren't typically scouting for new ones. I was born and raised in LA, and when I was there, I never sought out new friends because I always had them. I made friends with new people if they approached me and were cool, sure, but I didn't seek people out. When I moved here alone, everyone had their friends already, so I had to go out and do new things and had to talk people. It worked. It's not magic, but you can't be shy and expect people who have been here for 25 years to be constantly recruiting. They're already set. You're not.

Agreed. I must have misread your post.

[Michael Scott]

As a soon to be college grad planning to move to Chicago completely alone, this thread makes me nervous. For me, I will be working long hours a lot of the time, so that'll make it more difficult to meet people. The good news, however, is the company hires armies of recent grads, so I will probably have about 30 brand new 22 year olds working with me, so that should help things.

I don't have any real words of wisdom, just saying that I'm possibly going to be in the same boat. It'll be the first time I've had to make new friends in about 10 years lol. I'm sure it'll work out for you and I'm sure you're getting some good advice on this thread.

[Chicagoist123]

Originally Posted by Michael Scott

As a soon to be college grad planning to move to Chicago completely alone, this thread makes me nervous. For me, I will be working long hours a lot of the time, so that'll make it more difficult to meet people. The good news, however, is the company hires armies of recent grads, so I will probably have about 30 brand new 22 year olds working with me, so that should help things.

I don't have any real words of wisdom, just saying that I'm possibly going to be in the same boat. It'll be the first time I've had to make new friends in about 10 years lol. I'm sure it'll work out for you and I'm sure you're getting some good advice on this thread.

Don't be nervous. Just put yourself out there. People here are very friendly. I feel that you have to do the same in any city, with the exception of a city that is extremely high on transplants from all over the country. In time you will make friends, it just takes time and putting the initiative out there.

[Lucky Clover]

Originally Posted by Michael Scott

As a soon to be college grad planning to move to Chicago completely alone, this thread makes me nervous. For me, I will be working long hours a lot of the time, so that'll make it more difficult to meet people. The good news, however, is the company hires armies of recent grads, so I will probably have about 30 brand new 22 year olds working with me, so that should help things.

I don't have any real words of wisdom, just saying that I'm possibly going to be in the same boat. It'll be the first time I've had to make new friends in about 10 years lol. I'm sure it'll work out for you and I'm sure you're getting some good advice on this thread.

You'll be fine. Enjoy it.

[envieng]

Originally Posted by Chicagoist123

Don't be nervous. Just put yourself out there. People here are very friendly. I feel that you have to do the same in any city, with the exception of a city that is extremely high on transplants from all over the country. In time you will make friends, it just takes time and putting the initiative out there.

Total bull****. Considering almost everyone in public is wearing headphones or a mean mug, I have no idea where the idea that people are friendly here comes from.

[envieng]

Originally Posted by emathias

Well, guess what, it sounds like you're expecting other people to do the inviting, expecting them to do the legwork of having ideas of things to do together. That expectation is irrational and doomed to failure because people aren't looking for friends they have to drag to places, they're looking for other people who like to do things and are capable of taking the initiative to make those things happen. If you're the new guy, you have to take the initiative because the locals probably already have friends, so thy aren't actively recruiting new ones - you are.

I'm really not trying to be harsh, but you come across as having entirely unrealistic expectations about how finding friends works in the adult world. That's natural - it's a hard transition to make from the easy friendships of childhood and school years to the deeper but harder friendships of adulthood. And that transition only works if you understand that there's a fair bit of work involved, at least to get the ball rolling. Once you ahve a few friends, it gets a lot easier to expand your circles, but starting off you have to invite people to become your friend, and not expect them to invite you.

Is it unrealistic to expect for once in my life for someone to try to be my friend? to ask for my phone number? It's so hard to feel good about yourself when people judge you when it becomes obvious you have no friends.

[rparz]

Originally Posted by envieng

Total bull****. Considering almost everyone in public is wearing headphones or a mean mug, I have no idea where the idea that people are friendly here comes from.

With that type of attitude, you're defeated already. You make it sound like these people do it specifically to snub you. No, they're just caught up in the city hustle and consumed in themselves.

You might be surprised how situations can change with a glowing smile and friendly gesture.

[envieng]

Originally Posted by rparz

With that type of attitude, you're defeated already. You make it sound like these people do it specifically to snub you. No, they're just caught up in the city hustle and consumed in themselves.

You might be surprised how situations can change with a glowing smile and friendly gesture.

In all honesty, I do my absolute best to go out with a smile, hold doors for people, have good manners, etc... After almost a year of not even an acknowledgement of existence when I smile at someone, it gets old. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is insanity.