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Why do some people...who say they are a Christian, go to church, pray to God, read the Bible, fellowship with other Christians...
...at the same time do REALLY bad things to others???
We are an "acquaintance" of one such a person, a middle-aged woman, who came out to visit me and my wife a couple of times. First, we caught this person stealing a "zester" (kitchen tool for grating cheese) from our kitchen. It was brand-new...had never been used. Later, my wife noticed it was missing, and then one day when visiting this woman saw it setting there in a drawer in this woman's kitchen. The woman gave it back, so we forgave her, and put the incident behind us...no big deal. (or so we thought) (Besides, how much can the item be worth...maybe $5 ?)
So...the same woman comes back to visit us again. A day later, my wife notices that 6 (yes, SIX!) of her rings are missing, from the drawer she keeps them in. There were our wedding bands, and 4 other rings, all gold, three had real diamonds, with a total appraised value of about $2500. We thought at first that my wife had simply misplaced the rings, so we searched the entire house THOROUGHLY, top to bottem, over the course of about 10 days. We left nothing unopened, nothing unturned...searched every box, every pocket, every drawer....I mean everything. We also searched our vehicles, and every other place we had been that day...nothing. That woman had been in the room where the rings were...unattended and unwatched...for about 5 to 10 minutes. We asked around, and learned she had been fired from THREE jobs for stealing stuff. A local church had kicked her out and asked her not to come back, unless she talked to the pastor first. And we heard from others that she had taken stuff from them as well. So....circumstantial evidence only: we believe she took our rings. Nobody else has visited us since that woman was here (except for the police)...the house wasn't broken into...we have only her as suspect...
We filed a theft report with the police, and they are investigating, but haven't gotten back to us yet. We don't know what else we can do. (except to pray) Because of what they represent, we cannot replace our wedding bands for any price...unless they are recovered, they are now gone forever...
I am just totally flabbergasted that anyone who calls themselves "Christian" can, at the same time, steal thousands of dollars worth of stuff that doesn't belong to them....they have way more than just "one screw loose"...they are playing with half their deck of cards missing. Personally, I do not care $.02 about jewelry (don't even wear a watch), but since my wife is so heart broken and depressed over all this it also affects me. We don't know what else we can do, at this point...
Why do people do such things, to others? I fear for this woman on that day she has to stand before the Lord...
(and yes....nothing of value will ever be left just laying around in our house anymore...unless we are standing right there)
Bud
she sounds like she has some sort of mental problem,I can't recall the name...some sort of obsession that causes her to steal,even if the items mean nothing to her at all and she isn't short on money.recall the actress recently that stole all the clothes,even though she could have easily afforded them? a psych even said it was unlikely she would have even worn any of them..they would have ended up in the bottom of her closet.
this is only one explanation though.
but I kwym..my sister in law also claims God and (says) she goes to church,yet also lies and has commited various unGodly offenses,so it makes you wonder.(although she doesn't seem to have an outright stealing problem like this woman does).
...Or a well written note to her, asking that the rings be returned due to their obvious importance and sentimental value to you and your wife, being sure to include a line to the effect of "no questions asked; no ill will" but simply conveying that you would appreciate the return of the rings....
from a legal standpoint,that would be best...in writing.
Thanks to all for the helpful replies, for helping me to understand this situation. I am now 99.99% convinced that this woman is mentally ill, that she has some kind of compulsive disorder to steal things, that in her mind she has this overwhelming mandate to steal things...the normal restraint not to steal is just not there. The reason I was so slow to catch on is that I've NEVER met a person with kleptomania before...it must be a relatively rare condition.
It may seem odd, but I never felt any anger towards her; instead my first reaction was shock, like: "it just CAN'T be her...she's a CHRISTIAN..."
To the feelings I have now: "oh no...she's mentally ill...she's sick...", and: "oh no...her poor husband must have known all along that something was wrong with her...he must be going through pure hell..." , and "my poor wife...she's taking this so hard...and I can't do a thing to fix it..."
Personally, I never could get much excited over jewelry, kind of an attitude like "get rid of that stupid flashy ring...sell it, let's use the money for something useful, like a TRUCK!" Or, a BOAT! (well, hey....I am a GUY)
We don't have the rings back (yet), but are hoping and praying. As far as I'm concerned, that woman is already forgiven.
Our wedding rings (and a couple more) Oct 11, 2003. They may be gone now, but there is one thing that still remains: our LOVE! (Thanks June, for reminding me of that...that's one thing they can't take from us!)
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v163/KL7EU/Rings.jpg (broken link)
I admire your compassionate and forgiving spirit Bud (not too many around nowadays)...good things will always come your way. As to how your wife feels about the loss...I can totally empathize, being a woman myself. We're more sentimental that way......
.... but there is one thing that still remains: our LOVE!
To quote your New Testament:
"...And the greatest of these, is love."
Not the symbol of, but love, itself, that endures. Symbols, even tangible ones, are just that: symbols. And yes, we most certainly do become attached to them. There are things in June's house that she can honestly say she "wouldn't be herself" if they were suddenly gone, tomorrow....And yet, when one looks beyond the symbolism of that which it represents, and sees that it is the love within one's marriage, or why that is....May there be comfort in that...
I wish you had your rings back. I hope you get those rings back.
My husband lost his wedding ring in the second year of our marriage! He wore it while he was wakeboarding on a lake and it fell off when he fell. So we know what it is like to lose a wedding ring! And - it was platinum! When we replaced it - I had #2 engraved on the inside.
But back to the OP - I'm glad you have come to a better understanding of the situation. I really feel for people like that - people that have a disorder that they cannot control. I can't imagine what it would be like to not have control over my own actions (I'm also a control freak - so that makes it really scary for me to imagine it!).
The thing is - people are people. There are good people and bad people and okay people - and it doesn't really seem to depend on religion. There are good people who are Christians and there are bad people who are Christians. There are good and bad people of every religion, ethnicity, social standing, etc. However, this woman doesn't appear to be "bad" - just troubled.
So sorry this happened to you. Regarding her being "christian"- well, personally, I believe that you can't talk the talk unless you walk the walk, so to speak. If she isn't acting as christ would, then she shouldn't call herself a "christian". However, I'm sure you've come to realize that a good lot of people attach christ's name to themselves but act as opposite from christ as possible! YOU two sounds like good trusting people- probably the reason this happened to you, unfortunately...
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChristyGrl
Fool me once...shame on you.
Fool me twice...shame on me!
Agreed. And I'm sure Bud knows this and already feels like Moderator cut: deleted about having been so trusting after she already showed herself to be a person not worth trusting. But in your defense, Bud- you're probably a very trusting person, and wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. Although you're paying the price, you're living as you should in believing that others are like you- honest and good. And although you lost something of material value, I hope that while you will hopefully exercise a new degree of caution in the future, that you don't stop trusting people. Life is a lot less happy when you're always worried and afraid of what someone will do, or take from you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mercury Cougar
She may be mentally ill; a kleptomaniac. It happens. Not that it excuses her actions, but it might be the answer.
Yep, without a doubt. Nobody who isn't mentally ill would steal like that- much less from a friend.
Quote:
Originally Posted by june 7th
...Or a well written note to her, asking that the rings be returned due to their obvious importance and sentimental value to you and your wife, being sure to include a line to the effect of "no questions asked; no ill will" but simply conveying that you would appreciate the return of the rings....
Leave it to June to be the smarty. That's a GREAT idea- and no worry about her taking offense to it- you certainly can't ruin what's already a tarnished relationship. And whether or not you get your rings back (I'm sorry, but I'd be kinda surprised if you did), at least you are letting her know that you *know* what she did, and perhaps she will- at least for a moment- stop and think about her actions and how they affected and hurt you. Not to mention maybe the confrontation will help her to see she has a problem and maybe seek some help. Good luck- I hope you get your rings.
Fool me once...shame on you.
Fool me twice...shame on me!
Okayyyy...
I wasn't going to respond to this, but since someone else has mentioned and agreed with it...
I don't believe this "saying" applies, at all, in this incident. The saying generally implies that a person foolishly "trusts" in an individual, even after they know the individual steals. However, this is not the case! We always carefully watched this person whenever she was in our home. So, why didn't we this time? Read on...
On the day before the rings were stolen, my wife went into the bathroom to wash her hands. She took the rings off her hands, and placed them in a drawer of a small, one-foot square, decorative table in the bathroom. After washing, she left the bathroom to go take care of something cooking in the kitchen, and forgot she had left those rings in the bathroom. (hey...we're both old....forgetfulness is a BIG problem with both of us)
I knew NOTHING about her putting the rings in the bathroom, so that takes me completely out of the picture entirely...I didn't know they were in there....no reason for me to wonder what a guest might be doing in the bathroom. I mean, what do you usually do in a bathroom?
Then, the next morning, this woman shows up to "visit". She spent a good 5 minutes, maybe more, in that bathroom. Still no reason for me to think anything was abnormal. And...my wife still didn't remember those rings in there...
It was not a matter of "foolishly trusting" a thief. It was a matter of an old person not remembering something that was very important...
Was it "dumb" to put the rings in the bathroom, where this person could find them? Well....yeah!
But I knew nothing about them being in there, and my wife completely forgot.
Somebody else suggested never leaving this person alone in a room. Generally speaking I think that's pretty good advice. But....are they suggesting that I should have accompanied and watched this female guest in the bathroom?
Bud
You are a good man but you also should keep in mind that while a mentally ill person needs more compassion and understanding, this woman may not be be one....she may just be a common selfish thief
But, assuming she is ill, if may take someone with your understanding nature to use this opportunity to try to get her some professional help.
Is the pastor/minister/whatever of her current church up to the task of approaching her( or her husband....he must know)?
You can't say this one unproven incident is enough to bring it up but you also say many others know aout her.
You don't have to answer publically...it's just something to think about.
Okayyyy...
I wasn't going to respond to this, but since someone else has mentioned and agreed with it...
I don't believe this "saying" applies, at all, in this incident. The saying generally implies that a person foolishly "trusts" in an individual, even after they know the individual steals. However, this is not the case! We always carefully watched this person whenever she was in our home. So, why didn't we this time? Read on...
On the day before the rings were stolen, my wife went into the bathroom to wash her hands. She took the rings off her hands, and placed them in a drawer of a small, one-foot square, decorative table in the bathroom. After washing, she left the bathroom to go take care of something cooking in the kitchen, and forgot she had left those rings in the bathroom. (hey...we're both old....forgetfulness is a BIG problem with both of us)
I knew NOTHING about her putting the rings in the bathroom, so that takes me completely out of the picture entirely...I didn't know they were in there....no reason for me to wonder what a guest might be doing in the bathroom. I mean, what do you usually do in a bathroom?
Then, the next morning, this woman shows up to "visit". She spent a good 5 minutes, maybe more, in that bathroom. Still no reason for me to think anything was abnormal. And...my wife still didn't remember those rings in there...
It was not a matter of "foolishly trusting" a thief. It was a matter of an old person not remembering something that was very important...
Was it "dumb" to put the rings in the bathroom, where this person could find them? Well....yeah!
But I knew nothing about them being in there, and my wife completely forgot.
Somebody else suggested never leaving this person alone in a room. Generally speaking I think that's pretty good advice. But....are they suggesting that I should have accompanied and watched this female guest in the bathroom?
Bud
I'm sorry Bud...I know it's not funny...but you just have a knack in telling true stories where one can't help but...crack up!
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