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Unfortunately, in this case, Christy's answer is probably realistic. There is no "easy fix" answer to this. The wife can talk to her pastor to see if there is anything she can do or try, but ultimately the husband is the one who has to decide to stop the bar-hopping and turn his life around, and it doesn't sound like he wants to anytime soon. People just do not change because somebody else wants them to...any change has to come from within themselves. So many people get married, thinking they can change their spouse's bad habits after marriage...if the offending spouse does not want to change, then it won't happen. I, for one, would not fault the wife to just go ahead and "dump" this guy, but that's just me.
That said, with God all things are possible...pray...
Unless he too wants to change his ways to save the marriage all the professional, licensed counseling ,Christian Practice or not, isn't going to be worth a dime..
Believe me, from personal experience, any and all advice you give her will probably go in one ear and out the other until she is plenty fed up..I found that the less advice to a sibling or an family member is often the best advice..
So long as he is not physically abusive to his wife and baby maybe you should just listen to her when she talks about it and just "be there" for sis.. and let her make the decisions which may or may not be the right ones in your opinion..
*He went to his friend's bachelor party --> So what? His friend is getting married, of course he wants to be part of the celebration with the rest of his friends. Just because he got married, doesn't mean he has to give up his social life completely. I think your sister is very childish for not allowing him to celebrate with his friends. If that was my husband, I would have said: "go and have fun!"
*He said he was going to a Rock Concert but went to an Adult Contest instead --> OK, that probably wasn't a very smart thing to do but if your sister is too uptight to even allow her husband to party with his friends, I can imagine why he would hide this from her. But if you really think about it, what is sooo horrible about going to an Adult Contest? Millions of people do it, it's just entertainment. Is your sister afraid that he might cheat on her on one of these nights? Then clearly there's a trust issue. Does she allow him to watch "adult entertainment films" or is that a problem too?
*He goes out on New Year's Eve while your sister stays at home --> Well, of course that's not nice but I'm sure there are two sides to this. Why did your sister insist on staying at home during NYE when most people are out celebrating? Why should he be the one to compromise and stay at home with her? And don't tell me it's because of her pregnancy or the fact that she doesn't drink, because (acc. to you) she was only 1/2 months pregnant at that point and you can easily have fun without alcohol (I should know, I don't drink either). They could have made a compromise and say "OK, we'll go out with friends but we'll just go home earlier" or something like that. That's how a good marriage works, not putting your feet down
*He goes to a bar with a friend (whom he's helped moving) until 2 AM and one of them gets drunk --> Uh, OK? And this is a problem why, exactly? The guy isn't even 30 yet and he can't even go out with his friends occasionaly without his wife being bitter about it? What is he supposed to do, go to a bar and sip orange juice all night because his wife doesn't like alcohol? Or leave at 10 PM because his wife doesn't like going out so she's home alone? Or just not go out with his friends at all anymore? I really don't understand why this is even a problem. He helped his friend move, his friend probably offered him a few beers, he accepted, that's it. Again, if that were my husband I would've just been happy that he had a fun night.
*He drinks at home --> Oh, the scandal!
*He tells you he's been to every bar where he lives --> Apparently he does have a social life, good for him.
*There are only 2 reasons I can think of why he'd be going to Bars with a wife and baby at home --> And what would those reasons be?
I can't believe there are people on this board encouraging your sister to get a divorce over such petty reasons. I also don't think it's appropriate for your sister to discuss every little marital problem with the rest of her family (if I were her husband, that would Moderator cut: inappropriate language me off, esp. knowing that my wife's family was encouraging her to divorce me anyway). Are you suggesting that your brother-in-law has an alcohol addiction? If that's true, they should try to work on that problem instead of filing for divorce after just one year. I thought marriage was supposed to be sacred for Christians? Yet you can't wait for your sister to dump her husband after barely a year even though they have a child together and you've already decided that they're too far gone for marital counceling? SMH.
I can't believe there are people on this board encouraging your sister to get a divorce over such petty reasons. I also don't think it's appropriate for your sister to discuss every little marital problem with the rest of her family (if I were her husband, that would Moderator cut: Orphaned me off, esp. knowing that my wife's family was encouraging her to divorce me anyway). Are you suggesting that your brother-in-law has an alcohol addiction? If that's true, they should try to work on that problem instead of filing for divorce after just one year. I thought marriage was supposed to be sacred for Christians? Yet you can't wait for your sister to dump her husband after barely a year even though they have a child together and you've already decided that they're too far gone for marital counceling? SMH.
The entire time this young couple has been married the husband has exhibited a pattern of choices that are not conducive to a successful marriage and show his wife very little respect and concern.
At best he is just emotionally immature and at worst he's got a drinking problem.
Either way, this marriage has no chance in it's current state.
The thing that too many people don't seem to understand is that not all marriages are instituted by God.
Many, many people chose their spouse without any regard for what God's plan may have been for their lives - who HE might have chosen for them if they had only trusted him to guide them in the decision.
A true, covenantal marriage is very sacred.
This marriage would not appear to be one of those.
*He went to his friend's bachelor party --> So what? His friend is getting married, of course he wants to be part of the celebration with the rest of his friends. Just because he got married, doesn't mean he has to give up his social life completely. I think your sister is very childish for not allowing him to celebrate with his friends. If that was my husband, I would have said: "go and have fun!"
*He said he was going to a Rock Concert but went to an Adult Contest instead --> OK, that probably wasn't a very smart thing to do but if your sister is too uptight to even allow her husband to party with his friends, I can imagine why he would hide this from her. But if you really think about it, what is sooo horrible about going to an Adult Contest? Millions of people do it, it's just entertainment. Is your sister afraid that he might cheat on her on one of these nights? Then clearly there's a trust issue. Does she allow him to watch "adult entertainment films" or is that a problem too?
*He goes out on New Year's Eve while your sister stays at home --> Well, of course that's not nice but I'm sure there are two sides to this. Why did your sister insist on staying at home during NYE when most people are out celebrating? Why should he be the one to compromise and stay at home with her? And don't tell me it's because of her pregnancy or the fact that she doesn't drink, because (acc. to you) she was only 1/2 months pregnant at that point and you can easily have fun without alcohol (I should know, I don't drink either). They could have made a compromise and say "OK, we'll go out with friends but we'll just go home earlier" or something like that. That's how a good marriage works, not putting your feet down
*He goes to a bar with a friend (whom he's helped moving) until 2 AM and one of them gets drunk --> Uh, OK? And this is a problem why, exactly? The guy isn't even 30 yet and he can't even go out with his friends occasionaly without his wife being bitter about it? What is he supposed to do, go to a bar and sip orange juice all night because his wife doesn't like alcohol? Or leave at 10 PM because his wife doesn't like going out so she's home alone? Or just not go out with his friends at all anymore? I really don't understand why this is even a problem. He helped his friend move, his friend probably offered him a few beers, he accepted, that's it. Again, if that were my husband I would've just been happy that he had a fun night.
*He drinks at home --> Oh, the scandal!
*He tells you he's been to every bar where he lives --> Apparently he does have a social life, good for him.
*There are only 2 reasons I can think of why he'd be going to Bars with a wife and baby at home --> And what would those reasons be?
I can't believe there are people on this board encouraging your sister to get a divorce over such petty reasons. I also don't think it's appropriate for your sister to discuss every little marital problem with the rest of her family (if I were her husband, that would Moderator cut: orphaned me off, esp. knowing that my wife's family was encouraging her to divorce me anyway). Are you suggesting that your brother-in-law has an alcohol addiction? If that's true, they should try to work on that problem instead of filing for divorce after just one year. I thought marriage was supposed to be sacred for Christians? Yet you can't wait for your sister to dump her husband after barely a year even though they have a child together and you've already decided that they're too far gone for marital counceling? SMH.
The entire time this young couple has been married the husband has exhibited a pattern of choices that are not conducive to a successful marriage and show his wife very little respect and concern.
At best he is just emotionally immature and at worst he's got a drinking problem.
Either way, this marriage has no chance in it's current state.
The thing that too many people don't seem to understand is that not all marriages are instituted by God.
Many, many people chose their spouse without any regard for what God's plan may have been for their lives - who HE might have chosen for them if they had only trusted him to guide them in the decision.
A true, covenantal marriage is very sacred.
This marriage would not appear to be one of those.
We are only hearing one side of the story. I don't think it's entirely fair to blame the husband for all the problems in their marriage, I really doubt it's that one-sided. From what I can tell, the wife's behaviour ("putting her foot down") is not conductive to a successful marriage either; both should be willing to make compromises. I don't think the husband has done anything worthy of filing for divorce, at least not afaict. If these minor issues are enough to make the wife question her marriage, it probably wasn't that stable to begin with.
My advise to the sister would be: have an intimate and serious conversation with your husband about your relationship at a moment when both of you are calm and relaxed. Talk about your expectations of marriage, explain why certain things are problematic for you and also try to understand your partner's pov. It could help to write down what you want to say in advance so you can really get your point across. Be willing to make compromises. If this doesn't work, seek outside help from an independent mediator (e.g. a marriage counseler). Divorce should really be the last resort, especially because there is a child involved.
We are only hearing one side of the story. I don't think it's entirely fair to blame the husband for all the problems in their marriage, I really doubt it's that one-sided. From what I can tell, the wife's behaviour ("putting her foot down") is not conductive to a successful marriage either; both should be willing to make compromises. I don't think the husband has done anything worthy of filing for divorce, at least not afaict. If these minor issues are enough to make the wife question her marriage, it probably wasn't that stable to begin with.
My advise to the sister would be: have an intimate and serious conversation with your husband about your relationship at a moment when both of you are calm and relaxed. Talk about your expectations of marriage, explain why certain things are problematic for you and also try to understand your partner's pov. It could help to write down what you want to say in advance so you can really get your point across. Be willing to make compromises. If this doesn't work, seek outside help from an independent mediator (e.g. a marriage counseler). Divorce should really be the last resort, especially because there is a child involved.
Trust me, He's the main reason why their marriage is in trouble. They have always had problems and will continue to have problems.
Before they got married, she was dating a great guy and Ronald found out about it and broke them up knowing she was totally happy in that relationship. Another time after they had broken up, My sister and a group of friends all went to Six Flags, she ended up sharing a kiss with a guy, he found out and accused her of cheating on him when they were not even together anymore.
They also lived together before they were married and her apartment did not have a washer or a dryer so Ronald supposedly went over to his Mother's house to do his laundry and would not return home until the next morning. This happened fairly often.
We are only hearing one side of the story. I don't think it's entirely fair to blame the husband for all the problems in their marriage, I really doubt it's that one-sided. From what I can tell, the wife's behaviour ("putting her foot down") is not conductive to a successful marriage either; both should be willing to make compromises. I don't think the husband has done anything worthy of filing for divorce, at least not afaict. If these minor issues are enough to make the wife question her marriage, it probably wasn't that stable to begin with.
My advise to the sister would be: have an intimate and serious conversation with your husband about your relationship at a moment when both of you are calm and relaxed. Talk about your expectations of marriage, explain why certain things are problematic for you and also try to understand your partner's pov. It could help to write down what you want to say in advance so you can really get your point across. Be willing to make compromises. If this doesn't work, seek outside help from an independent mediator (e.g. a marriage counseler). Divorce should really be the last resort, especially because there is a child involved.
Precisely because there is a child involved, the wife needs to take some action immediately.
She needs to insist on some marriage counseling.
If he won't go or actively participate once he does go, she needs to see a lawyer.
This ain't rocket science.
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