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My Sister is a Christian and she has been married for a year and 2 months.
They got married Last August, shortly after she and her husband got married, he told her that a friend of his was getting married and that he would be going to an Overnight Bachelor Party, Or course she told him she did not want him going, but he went anyway. Not too long after that he lied to her and told her he would be going to a "Rock Concert". (turns out he went to an Adult Contest).
November, my sister finds out that she is pregnant and Come New Years Eve, he goes out with his friends while my sister stays at home (she does not drink nor does she go to bars).
January comes around and he has a friend that is moving, well they go to a bar where they stay until 2 A.M. and (one or both I forget which) get drunk.
July comes and he loses his Wedding Ring, in August their son is born...... he is now 3 months old and My Sister's husband leaves them home alone on weekends so he can go to Bars. (I have no idea if he's been going to bars every weekend since their son was born).
He does drink at home and he told me he's been to every bar where they live.
last weekend Lisa originally told us they would be attending a relative's wedding, Ronald bought thier son an outfit the night before, the next day he suddenly changes his mind and says he will not be going but Lisa and baby could go without him. Lisa then says they will not be going.
She has put her foot down many times but nothing seems to be working.
There are only 2 reasons I can think of why he'd be going to Bars with a wife and baby at home.
At this point, I have no idea what my Sister can do.
From a Christian standpoint, What Can She Do? I don't even think marital counseling would help at this point, but she can try it.
she originally told us the reason they would not be going to the wedding is because they had no gas money, the real reason is because Ronald stayed out at a bar too late the night before.
Last Time we were there (in September) (Ronald had been out to a bar the night before with his brother). He hangs out with his brother a lot.
He also told he got a new job so he can "Supposedly" stay at home with his family.
Sounds like an immature little boy - How about buying him a box of beer and setting him down on the back porch? Let him smoke a cigar or two also... just joking - Going back into my past - If I would have known that the woman that bore my four chidren was an atheist - I would have run the other way..Atheists are arrogant and lawless and don't play by the rules...BUT in the alternative....If I did not stick it out - these wonderful now adult kids..would not exist - God has a plan and you might as well go with the flow.
As far as hubbies bar hoping- encourage him - tell him to enjoy the people when he is out...to really live it up - to spread good will - drunk or sober...in other words allow the kid to be free...this buisness about "putting your foot down" is childish...when I was raising my kids - I would allow my wife to go where she pleased - and she did the same for me...there was one rule only - CALL AND LET ME KNOW WHERE YOU ARE- so I don't worry ....as long as the man child husband is out and about socializing - He is probably happy...leave the guy alone - as if God and his son Jesus - would mind.
Sounds like an immature little boy - How about buying him a box of beer and setting him down on the back porch? Let him smoke a cigar or two also... just joking - Going back into my past - If I would have known that the woman that bore my four chidren was an atheist - I would have run the other way..Atheists are arrogant and lawless and don't play by the rules...BUT in the alternative....If I did not stick it out - these wonderful now adult kids..would not exist - God has a plan and you might as well go with the flow.
As far as hubbies bar hoping- encourage him - tell him to enjoy the people when he is out...to really live it up - to spread good will - drunk or sober...in other words allow the kid to be free...this buisness about "putting your foot down" is childish...when I was raising my kids - I would allow my wife to go where she pleased - and she did the same for me...there was one rule only - CALL AND LET ME KNOW WHERE YOU ARE- so I don't worry ....as long as the man child husband is out and about socializing - He is probably happy...leave the guy alone - as if God and his son Jesus - would mind.
At this point, I think she should kick him out of their house, but the reason why she probably will not is because she is afraid to lose him.
He's almost 29 so he's had plenty of time to live the single life.
My Sister is a Christian and she has been married for a year and 2 months.
They got married Last August, shortly after she and her husband got married, he told her that a friend of his was getting married and that he would be going to an Overnight Bachelor Party, Or course she told him she did not want him going, but he went anyway. Not too long after that he lied to her and told her he would be going to a "Rock Concert". (turns out he went to an Adult Contest).
November, my sister finds out that she is pregnant and Come New Years Eve, he goes out with his friends while my sister stays at home (she does not drink nor does she go to bars).
January comes around and he has a friend that is moving, well they go to a bar where they stay until 2 A.M. and (one or both I forget which) get drunk.
July comes and he loses his Wedding Ring, in August their son is born...... he is now 3 months old and My Sister's husband leaves them home alone on weekends so he can go to Bars. (I have no idea if he's been going to bars every weekend since their son was born).
He does drink at home and he told me he's been to every bar where they live.
last weekend Lisa originally told us they would be attending a relative's wedding, Ronald bought thier son an outfit the night before, the next day he suddenly changes his mind and says he will not be going but Lisa and baby could go without him. Lisa then says they will not be going.
She has put her foot down many times but nothing seems to be working.
There are only 2 reasons I can think of why he'd be going to Bars with a wife and baby at home.
At this point, I have no idea what my Sister can do.
From a Christian standpoint, What Can She Do? I don't even think marital counseling would help at this point, but she can try it.
she originally told us the reason they would not be going to the wedding is because they had no gas money, the real reason is because Ronald stayed out at a bar too late the night before.
Last Time we were there (in September) (Ronald had been out to a bar the night before with his brother). He hangs out with his brother a lot.
He also told he got a new job so he can "Supposedly" stay at home with his family.
She may have "put her foot down", but she hasn't drawn a line in the sand yet.
And until she does he will continue to ignore her threats and pleading.
The fact is, you cannot change another persons behavior, only they can do that.
For whatever reason your brother-in-law is not motivated to change a thing he's currently doing to hurt his family.
Your sister can only control HER actions and it is past time to act.
Encourage her to meet with her minister to see if he/she can get the husband in for some counseling.
If he will not go or actively participate, send her to the nearest divorce lawyer.
She must act swiftly and definitively if she wants to save her marriage.
In the event it cannot be saved, she and her baby need to be protected financially.
They both need to go to their pastor and or a Christian counsler to help themselves with their relationship between themselves and he with his responsibility as the spiritual leadership of the household.
Far too many other problems seems to have been brought into the marriage that were either undisclosed or love blinded.
They both need to go to their pastor and or a Christian counsler to help themselves with their relationship between themselves and he with his responsibility as the spiritual leadership of the household.
Far too many other problems seems to have been brought into the marriage that were either undisclosed or love blinded.
I don't even know if he is a Christian (going by his fruit, I'd say either no or he is severely backslidden). she met him 11 years ago and they have broken up 2-3 times before they got married.
They met at church, (but that does not mean anything nowadays).
I don't think he attends church with her and their son.
I have a hard time believe she did not see any of this during the 11 years she has known him.
I guess she though that once he got married and/or had a kid he would change because he has a family now.
My answer is short and sweet....SHE SHOULD DUMP HIM and start her life over because he's not going to change or SHE CAN KEEP PUTTING UP WITH HIS NONSENSE and be miserable...the choice is ultimately hers.
My answer is short and sweet....SHE SHOULD DUMP HIM and start her life over because he's not going to change or SHE CAN KEEP PUTTING UP WITH HIS NONSENSE and be miserable...the choice is ultimately hers.
My answer is short and sweet....SHE SHOULD DUMP HIM and start her life over because he's not going to change or SHE CAN KEEP PUTTING UP WITH HIS NONSENSE and be miserable...the choice is ultimately hers.
Unfortunately, in this case, Christy's answer is probably realistic. There is no "easy fix" answer to this. The wife can talk to her pastor to see if there is anything she can do or try, but ultimately the husband is the one who has to decide to stop the bar-hopping and turn his life around, and it doesn't sound like he wants to anytime soon. People just do not change because somebody else wants them to...any change has to come from within themselves. So many people get married, thinking they can change their spouse's bad habits after marriage...if the offending spouse does not want to change, then it won't happen. I, for one, would not fault the wife to just go ahead and "dump" this guy, but that's just me.
That said, with God all things are possible...pray...
They both need to go to their pastor and or a Christian counsler to help themselves with their relationship between themselves and he with his responsibility as the spiritual leadership of the household.
Far too many other problems seems to have been brought into the marriage that were either undisclosed or love blinded.
No, they need to go to a licensed marriage counselor. A preacher, pastor, etc. should only be considered if they are also trained and licensed (means the meet standards) as a marriage counselor.
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