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I am thinking about my friends who met at and got married from a Catholic upbringing and a Catholic college. With the time being together amounting to 2 to 4 years, it is highly doubtful they approached the altar as "inexperienced." To that end, it could very well be that if sex took place before the ceremony, one of you might find out that the sexual chemistry and technique is not going to work. Amazingly, a devout Catholic lady from a firm I worked it almost 10 years ago, who was a widow, said she would have to do the "test drive" if she were to remarry. If the chemistry was that off, wouldn't it be better to know sooner than later.
I think this belongs here because it's about morality in the context of religion.
Last edited by robertpolyglot; 02-25-2012 at 01:09 AM..
I dunno. Sex within a monogamous relationship is not a static thing. It can be great, and can be not so great. Heaven knows that 2 inexperienced people coming together for the first times aren't going to have the same "chemistry" as those same people who know each other intimately for many years. I just think that if you don't love someone enough to work through "chemistry" problems then you probably shouldn't be getting married anyway. That's just my off-the-cuff answer.
I posted this on another thread regarding shacking up:
The problem with "shacking up" is more than religion.
Shacking up often means that there is a "trial or a test" before considering marriage.
If I was dating a woman and I asked her in marriage I would expect a "yes or a no". If she says, "lets live together to see if this works" I would immediately walk away and look elsewhere.
I don't need to be tested.
As for sex??????
I think there may be some sex before the wedding day. Shhh, don't tell anyone.
St. Thomas More reportedly believe you should see your spouse naked before you marry. I think to avoid any pre-marital sex from happening, he was really pretty sexually ascetic, the idea was more like you "take turns." She gets naked while she's dressed then you get naked when she's dressed. I've considered this if I ever marry because although that could be inviting lust it might be possible to view a person naked without it becoming too problematic.
In the Middle-Ages it wasn't unheard of to, I think it was called, "bundle" before marriage. Essentially the couple was tied together, clothed although maybe sometimes not, and then slept the night together like that. That way you could determine if there was problems with snoring or breath or smells or whatever you didn't think you could overlook.
And I think I could be okay with things like that if you have the restraint to keep them from turning sexual. However if you're both virgins when you marry neither of you is necessarily going to know that well if you're "bad at it" as you won't have much to compare. Also I think the idea is that your marriage is the beginning not the end. So ideally you will grow to understand each others bodies and needs as time goes by. So the chemistry will improve as long as your communicative, etc. (Blessed John Paul II was, maybe surprisingly, a bit explicit about men considering the woman's needs and learning to please their wives sexually. Just because you're celibate doesn't mean you're oblivious to the reality of human experience)
I do not know about "test drives." I do suspect far more Christians have had sex before marriage than would like to admit. I also know that the Lord Jesus will cleanse them of this sin, if they do it and repent (which is certainly not an open invitation to sin, but a way to sanctification if the temptation leads to sin).
I think 1 Cor 7:9 may be hinting at this too, that it is better to marry than to live in sin if you are unable to control the temptation of sex outside of marriage (which was going on in the congregation at the church of Corinth).
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