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As a lawyer, I have a solution to the bullying problem. It doesn't involve jail or prisons. It doesn't involve fighting or physical abuse of persons. Nevertheless, its a radical solution and its not easy to use. I would only recommend in an extreme situation where I had first tried other methods to make it stop. I do think it ought to be used in these cases though and I'm surprised more people don't attempt it.
If the bullying is occurring at school, the perpetrators need to be first identified. A letter from an attorney should be sent to the parents of these children and to school administration. I would choose certified mail to get everyone's attention. The letter should state in simple clear language what conduct occurred and when it occurred. The letter should demand that the conduct stop immediately. Otherwise, the letter would express an intention to name every perpetrator in a civil lawsuit as a defendant. I would consider naming the parents of the children engaged in bullying as defendants as well. The basis for the civil complaint would be harrassment, assault and battery, and a tort called intentional infliction of emotional distress. School administration would specifically be warned that if they do nothing to stop the conduct that the school district would also be named as a party to the lawsuit.
If the situation were bad enough and nothing were done to stop it, I would than proceed with the suit. Parents of children committing bullying would rapidly learn that they had been hit by the equivalent of a tsunami. They would be required to obtain legal counsel (at their own expense) to fight the lawsuit. Those who did not do so, would likely end up with a money judgment entered against them and their children and ruined credit. I suspect there would be plenty of ulcers and people at their wits-end by the time I was done. Sometimes, one has no alternative, but to put the fear of God into people to solve a problem.
My solution is radical indeed, but would stop the bullying. Its a better result than a child committing suicide.
I'm sorry today's world sometimes calls for drastic action, but when parents won't control their kids and the schools do little about it than something has to be done to get their attention.
I don't think this is a particularly drastic solution. But it would take an active, unafraid parent with time and resources. A parent could also write a letter and say they were going to "alert the media" and copy all the school administrators. But a parent has to do something to truly defend their child when he or she is being bullied. They have to be able to stand up to parents of bullies and to school administrators.
I have to say though I actually prefer cyber bullying than to the old fashioned bullying which often turned into he said/she said or they started it first crap.
At least with cyber, you have an evidence trail to follow and can see exactly what was done/said etc. Now in a perfect world, I would ideally like bullying wiped out. But I much prefer the online version NOW than what happened in the past.
The online version is more publicly humiliating. It's also unrelenting and continues while the child is home.
The online version is more publicly humiliating. It's also unrelenting and continues while the child is home.
Well relentless unless it's stopped. And there is a clear trail of evidence for the school who now has a strict cyber bullying policy. And if not, then for the police to pay a friendly visit to them with the paper proof of what's happening.
Vs a situation where it's in person and all hearsay unfortunately.
I think it's all disgusting personally and have zero tolerance for it.
To the person who repped me asking how could I remember every detail from elementary school parents in regards to bullying etc in my above post. Um it was only 2 years ago? Why would I not remember it? And I was involved in the school, these parents were involved with me and we spoke/hung out often. Our kids hung out extensively as well. Not sure why the snark, but there you go.
The parents of the 2 girls who bullied should be at fault here.
Also, this is why parents need to monitor (and by that, simply friend) their kids social networks so that they can be made aware of online bullying from the start.
I think there's too much of a "blame the parents" and "hold the parents responsible" type of response to this. How about blaming the children for just plain being brats who knew they were being mean?
To me, and I'm a parent of a 4 & 6 year-old, it is most certainly my job to TRAIN my children how to behave & to respond appropriately when I have found that they have misbehaved, & yes to occasionally check in on how they're doing with what they've been told to do. However, I reject the premise that it's my job to 24/7 know every single thing they're doing every single second of the day. That is entirely too much work to expect of a parent and utterly unreasonable, it's probably even impossible actually.
It's just like how, for instance, I don't think it's my job to make sure my child is doing their homework, in terms of going over the details of every assignment they receive & seeing that they are doing it correctly. It is my job to intermittently check the folder & see what the teacher is saying and say to them "are you doing x & y?" etc. It is my job to make sure they know that doing their homework is an expectation, & to provide them a suitable environment for doing it, & even providing a little MINIMUM amount of assistance with it. At that point, it is the CHILD'S job to DO as they are told by me & the teacher, and if they don't, then it's THEIR FAULT, not mine, and not the teacher's, if a bad grade results. Other than them coming to me for a bit of help on something they're stuck on, to me it is the CHILD's homework, it is not MY homework anymore than my day job or whatever is on them to do for me. I should not be expected to sit down with them for hours every night practically doing it for them.
In the same way, it's their job to get up for school on-time and be ready. It's my job to make sure the alarm clock is set & loud enough etc, and tell them "when this goes off, get up" and to have clothes laid out ready. It is then my job to escort them to the bus stop & show them how to cross the street. It is NOT my job to go GET them up when I've provided the means for them to do so already, it's their job to do as they're told. When they fail at this (which they rarely do), I do NOT treat it as a failure of me to check on them, but a failure of THEM to do as they were told to do. Heck, when they're old enough, they're going to be expected to walk to the bus stop & cross the street themselves.
Same thing here, really.
I am not saying there shouldn't be some occasional sit-downs with your child and maybe even having them show you some of what they've been doing, or you going through history of the browser etc. Certainly there should be effort made to where the parent will intervene when you find out your child has done wrong, or in the case of online access, set up filters etc. However, I sure as heck don't have the time or inclination to practically monitor every single character my child has keyboarded and run an audit trail of every single thing they do. It is my job as the parent to TRAIN, to occasionally do some checking-on, and to implement correction when they do wrong on purpose, or to implement re-direction when they do wrong not understanding things fully. It is their job to do as they're told. Period. Parenting is a huge part of my life, but I've got other things to do, and my own life even with them in the house. I don't eat, breathe, burp, urinate and doo-doo my kids 24/7, and no parent should be expected to.
Saw the sheriff on TV this morning and he was angry and frustrated that the parents of the accused 14 year old arew in total denial and refuse to see anything wrong with what their cild did. Does anybody wonder why this child is like she is with parents like that?
The parents of the 12 year old are super apolgetic and see that their daughter was under the control of the older girl but accept responsibility for their part in this.
While the mother of the victim did pull her child from school and moved the family who on earth did she allow her child access to a computer or phone? She was aware of what was happening to her child, she was aware of how vulnerable her child was and surely she knew bullying led other kids to commit suicide.
I equate her inability to protect to her child to knowing she had a child allergic to bees but decided to ask her to go pick flowers covered in bees.
I'm sure this family is in agonizing pain and I hope they are strong and can help educate others about what they did or didn't do to keep their child safe. In the end though the 2 girls and their parents and the school all share responsibility for this tragic loss of life. I can't imagine putting one foot in front of the other after something like this.
My reaction was that we're going to be seeing more of these tragedies as long as:
-kids aren't reared to be kind towards others
-kids aren't taught that what others think of them isn't important, and that being called a name isn't the end of the world
-parents allow their kids to be iconnected for hours at a time, and to spend a ridiculous amount of time holed up in their rooms, at their computers, alone
-parents don't engage their kids in household/family activities. Remember chores? Memo to kids: forget the selfies and glam-shots, step away from the mirror, and pick up a rake.
As a lawyer, I have a solution to the bullying problem. It doesn't involve jail or prisons. It doesn't involve fighting or physical abuse of persons. Nevertheless, its a radical solution and its not easy to use. I would only recommend in an extreme situation where I had first tried other methods to make it stop. I do think it ought to be used in these cases though and I'm surprised more people don't attempt it.
If the bullying is occurring at school, the perpetrators need to be first identified. A letter from an attorney should be sent to the parents of these children and to school administration. I would choose certified mail to get everyone's attention. The letter should state in simple clear language what conduct occurred and when it occurred. The letter should demand that the conduct stop immediately. Otherwise, the letter would express an intention to name every perpetrator in a civil lawsuit as a defendant. I would consider naming the parents of the children engaged in bullying as defendants as well. The basis for the civil complaint would be harrassment, assault and battery, and a tort called intentional infliction of emotional distress. School administration would specifically be warned that if they do nothing to stop the conduct that the school district would also be named as a party to the lawsuit.
If the situation were bad enough and nothing were done to stop it, I would than proceed with the suit. Parents of children committing bullying would rapidly learn that they had been hit by the equivalent of a tsunami. They would be required to obtain legal counsel (at their own expense) to fight the lawsuit. Those who did not do so, would likely end up with a money judgment entered against them and their children and ruined credit. I suspect there would be plenty of ulcers and people at their wits-end by the time I was done. Sometimes, one has no alternative, but to put the fear of God into people to solve a problem.
My solution is radical indeed, but would stop the bullying. Its a better result than a child committing suicide.
I'm sorry today's world sometimes calls for drastic action, but when parents won't control their kids and the schools do little about it than something has to be done to get their attention.
I agree with you. One of my friends is dealing with a situation with her 14 year old daughter, a freshman, and school administrators are not handling the matter in an effective way.
She has taken the steps you outlined (including the certified letter) and I told her last week . . . it is time to get an attorney involved. I wasn't sure exactly what the charges would be but I knew there would be something under the heading of "harassment" (and in her case, possibly terroristic threats) and that an attorney could advise and get this situation wrapped up and taken care of.
Plus, there is a sense of empowerment that comes when you speak with an attorney and he/she can outline steps to be taken. Children who have been subjected to ongoing, egregious bullying start feeling hopeless and that there is no way out. Parents can feel the same way, too, after beating their heads against the wall and no satisfactory action to curtail the situation has been attempted.
I am not by nature a litigious person, but this is one time that I think legal assistance may be the only way for a positive outcome.
I think the girl who posted idgaf should stay in jail, be expelled from the state's schools forever, and her parents fined thousands of dollars. Every other girl who liked that post should be suspended & all of their parents fined a good bit as well. Hit these assclown parents in their pockets.
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