Men's Center Opens for Male Victims of Abuse, Fathers Struggling with Divorce

[fleetiebelle]

Originally Posted by Minervah

And this is why the help that has always been available to men like counseling or support has always been a secret. Men become intimidated that people won't think of them a "manly" if they dare ask for help.

Which sucks, because asking for help is brave. It takes courage.

[Mathguy]

Originally Posted by vision33r

And the government want to know why marriages are down? It's too risky to commit. If I was a single guy right now, I would ride it out until laws are changed. Plenty of women around that also don't want marriage.

I have most of my male cousins that are confirmed bachelors at this point. Some divorced, some never married. These are guys >40.

[coschristi]

Great. Poor kids:

The only thing worse than your mom being a biotch is when your dad is an even bigger one.

Originally Posted by The Big Lebowski Dude

Nice to hear this. The divorce laws always favor women, and it makes me sick. Guys always get screwed financially in these cases.

How so? Gender-income inequality? Poverty level? Statistically speaking, following a divorce; my income will go down by 20% but the guys income will go up by 30%. And I'm also 3 times as likely to live in post-divorce poverty as the guy is.
https://www.theatlantic.com/business...ce-gap/480333/

Child support? According to the Census Bureau:

"The average yearly child support payment received by custodial parents with payments was $5,181 for mothers and $6,526 for fathers. These full or partial payments represented about 16% of the custodial mothers' total yearly income and 9% of the custodial fathers' yearly income."
https://fas.org/sgp/crs/misc/RS22499.pdf

Okay ... that means that mom is getting $431 per month? And notice it doesn't say "per child" either. That MIGHT cover ... 2 weeks of childcare + a 1 week supply of diapers. Or; it MIGHT cover 1 kids back to school fees (with yearbook) + Sports physical + 5 days of food ...

And nine percent of the guys income for a child he was 50% responsible for? That's a sweet deal ... Let's not confuse "screwing" with "being screwed"..

Originally Posted by Electrician4you

I don't know about physical abuse but it's probably similar to if a woman was physically abused.

I'm very glad you don't know about physical abuse. (raises hand) But I do!

I know that the two times I hit back? It made him laugh.

I know that the first time he hit me? He didn't have to do it again because it knocked me out cold.

I know that when he wanted to leave without an explanation? He'd start a fight & stomp out.

I know that when I tried to leave during a fight? I made it about 2 steps before I was unconscious on the floor ... again.

I know that the last straw for me? Was coming home from a 12 hr shift; 7 months pregnant with two black eyes ... & as I walk up to the door, I hear him bragging: "Hey bro? One thing about MY girl? ...Is that she sure knows how to take a punch!" There is nothing similar about it at all. But that's just anecdotal coming from me. Here's how the numbers crunch, courtesy of the American Public Health Association:

"Femicide, the homicide of women, is the leading cause of death in the United States among young African American women aged 15 to 45 years and the seventh leading cause of premature death among women overall.

American women are killed by intimate partners (husbands, lovers, ex-husbands, or ex-lovers) more often than by any other type of perpetrator. Intimate partner homicide accounts for approximately 40% to 50% of US femicides but a relatively small proportion of male homicides (5.9%).

The percentage of intimate partner homicides involving male victims decreased between 1976 and 1996, whereas the percentage of female victims increased, from 54% to 72%.

The majority (67%–80%) of intimate partner homicides involve physical abuse of the female by the male before the murder, no matter which partner is killed. Therefore, one of the major ways to decrease intimate partner homicide is to identify and intervene with battered women at risk."
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1447915/

Umm; anyone catch that very last sentence? Less people die ... of either gender ... when interventions target the woman. Less dead parents ... of either gender ... is good for kids.

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by The Big Lebowski Dude

Nice to hear this. The divorce laws always favor women, and it makes me sick. Guys always get screwed financially in these cases.

Women get screwed, too, if they're the property owners, or have other assets. It works both ways.

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by fleetiebelle

That's not exactly true, and it depends on when we're talking about--men used to get sole custody of the children in a divorce because they were considered marital property. Many women didn't want to leave bad marriages because they'd lose all rights to their children.

I'm talking about the mid-20th Century, more or less. I've met people who were the product of a divorce awarding them to a mentally ill or deliberately neglectful mother. In a couple of cases, I even met the father, who had been shut out of his child's life, and could do nothing about the abuse the child routinely received. These are tragic stories. On the bright side, the kids as adults eventually overcame their issues with a lot of work in therapy, but they went through a good deal of life turmoil before they came out on top.

[blanker]

Originally Posted by vision33r

Plenty of women around that also don't want marriage.

Sex dolls, too.

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by Electrician4you

What exactly are we men misinformed about? I don't care if you have a abortion because I believe what you do to your body is your choice (just don't ask me to pay for it which btw some women seem to have no problem asking (Obamacare) ) and if some guy hits you I'll vote to throw his butt in jail or keep you out if you kill the sob.

So what exactly am I misinformed about?

Watching my uncles wife take the kids one morning and drive to Nor Cal while he was at work, not calling and just files for divorce, and then proceed to squeeze every penny out of him through the court system for 14 years. Basically taking him to court once a year. He btw had to pay alimony and her medical for all that time. Not to mention her lawyer fees. He couldn't afford a lawyer. He had to live with friends as he couldn't afford a apartment. For 14 years.

Had a friend who is now paying child support in arrears for a kid he had no idea he had for 12 years because the druggie wife filed for welfare.

Had another friend get a ass screwing by a witch of a wife. This woman had more penises in her than the men's bathroom in NY grand central station. Yet she got alimony child support full custody the house 1/2 their assets and 100% of their business , and he got to rent a room from a friend. Nice trade

Instead of getting mad at women, shouldn't you be mad at the system that allows this? Put your energy into working to change the system. Also, advise your friends who may face divorce to get good lawyers! It's amazing what a good lawyer can do for a guy in divorce court. My brother has handled a few divorce cases for men. He blew the men away with what he pulled off. They couldn't believe it! In a contentious case (and most divorces don't end up in nasty court proceedings), it pays to get the right lawyer.

[fleetiebelle]

Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth

Women get screwed, too, if they're the property owners, or have other assets. It works both ways.

Right--divorce isn't easy for anyone, and it's worse when there's inequity in the marriage.

[FluidFreedom]

I think it is a great idea to have a mens center. If woman can have a safe place to go for help, men should have the same.

[Serious Conversation]

Just because there is an association for men to relate to other men in similar situations does not equal hating women or anything of the sort. Women has associations and groups that advocate for their interests - if men have a similar group, they're labeled as misogynists.

When I lived in Indianapolis, there was a local attorney team that dealt with divorces cases specifically from the perspective of men.

When there is a divorce, both partners often have at least some fault. However, there are cases where one partner (man or woman) is completely blindsided. Men should have a place/way to relate to other men, and legal and family court advocates for their unique issues.