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My DH has has type 2 for about 16 years. He is using pills and insulin. He gets screened regularly and his A1c is usually in the acceptable range which I feel gives him permission to eat anything he wants.
He has terrible cravings and gives in to them every day, mainly potato chips, Graham crackers sprinkled with cinnamon sugar, and a "carb smart" ice cream that he eats out of the carton with half and half poured into it.
He tries eating Atkins during his work day and that works ok but after work he reverts to the bad habits and I feel like it's sheer hunger from a day without carbs.
I make no mention of any of this because he becomes defensive and zones me out. Last night after a bad day he ate almost a whole half gallon of the ice cream and literally collapsed on the couch afterwards. He could barely walk when he awoke and was very irritable.
Have any of you experienced this craving for junk food with your spouse? How have you tried to help them?
My DH has has type 2 for about 16 years. He is using pills and insulin. He gets screened regularly and his A1c is usually in the acceptable range which I feel gives him permission to eat anything he wants.
He has terrible cravings and gives in to them every day, mainly potato chips, Graham crackers sprinkled with cinnamon sugar, and a "carb smart" ice cream that he eats out of the carton with half and half poured into it.
He tries eating Atkins during his work day and that works ok but after work he reverts to the bad habits and I feel like it's sheer hunger from a day without carbs.
I make no mention of any of this because he becomes defensive and zones me out. Last night after a bad day he ate almost a whole half gallon of the ice cream and literally collapsed on the couch afterwards. He could barely walk when he awoke and was very irritable.
Have any of you experienced this craving for junk food with your spouse? How have you tried to help them?
Yes, and I don't have an answer. If there aren't any chips in the house, he may just eat some on the way home from work.
You could try a few "shock talks." Ask him why he thinks you should hang around until his feet have been amputated and he goes blind? Because he wants a live in caretaker? Not good enough. Keep it brief, then leave the room. Don't do it often.
A lot of those lower carb ice creams have sugar alcohols which will give you diarrhea if you eat too much.
I don't think any food should be absolutely off limits, but portion control is important. If he wants chips, buy single-serving bags of chips. Having to stop and get another little bag cuts down on mindless munching. Buy small cups of regular ice cream...it's easier to get a huge bowl of ice cream and tell yourself that's okay than to go back to the freezer for 5 or 6 little cups. You spend more doing it that way, but it helps you be more aware of how much you're eating.
And I don't think the bad habits are from a day without carbs, they're a habit and a comfort but it's not just his body telling him that he's hungry. Does he eat dinner and then eat all that food afterwards? If dinner is ready when he gets home and it's a good filling dinner with lots of protein, does he still overeat as much? Could y'all eat dinner and then go for a walk together or ride bikes together or something like that, so that the time he spends just munching is filled with other activities?
In my family, I'm diabetic and my husband is not. But my husband has other issues that should encourage him to eat a healthy diet. The only way I get him to eat at all healthy is to cook healthy food and make that the only thing that's available. He might still stop for donuts on the way to work or have a burger and fries in the cafeteria, but at least what he's eating at home is pretty good.
And I'm not sure that a shock talk would help, but if you go that route, you might want to mention that diabetics are more likely to get dementia...my dad is going through that right now and it's brutal. Every time I want to eat a tub of ice cream or a family-size bag of chips, I think about my poor dad and ask myself if I want that to be me in 25 years. That scares me more than blindness or amputations...Dad's feet still work and he can still see, his body is still going and his mind has already quit.
Unfortunately his eating habits are completely unchangeable due to deeply ingrained lifelong habits and an unwillingness to eat in a mostly healthy way. I would never expect him to give up these foods he enjoys but know he is better off not making them everyday staples.
Years ago he went to a registered dietitian at the insistence of his pcp. That person made no impact on him and he was insulted when she criticized his choices.
So I know that nothing I do will ever change this issue. I am more than willing to be his inspiration and partner in healthy eating but he is not willing. He does go to the gym and tries to exercise but the food issue is not going to change.
I think what I really feel I need is caregiver support, like an al-anon for diabetes.
I know for a fact that shock talk would have no impact except to paint me as the enemy.
My attitude has become apathy, because I feel that he has to cherish and guard his health and can't do it for anyone else, even me and our children, if it is going to last. Any conversation I have had about this is resented.
Unfortunately his eating habits are completely unchangeable due to deeply ingrained lifelong habits and an unwillingness to eat in a mostly healthy way.
They can be changed, but unfortunately, it will probably take something bad happening to wake him up. His carb load isn't because he is hungry, it is because he is addicted. The only way to get rid of the cravings is to detox from the carbs. He does good during the day, but then gets his fix at night which feeds the addiction. I have always had a sweet tooth, but once I detoxed from the sugar I didn't crave it. When I did have something sweet, it didn't taste as good. I could easily be hooked on sugar again, so I replace it with fruit or ricotta sweetened with a bit of honey. It scratches the same itch which would never happen before.
You are right that he will see you as the enemy if you try and force the issue. It is frustrating to watch, but he has to want to make a change. The only suggestion I would have is what was stated by another poster. Buy single servings of chips and ice cream. It is harder to lie to yourself about how much junk you are consuming when it is packaged for you.
I buy all the bad foods he eats but when I haven't for whatever reason he will go to the store and buy all of it himself. Most weeks I buy things on a Monday and by Wednesday it's gone and he comes home with a second round of it.
What he likes is set in stone, brands, flavors, amounts, etc. If I brought home small packages he would eat it all without a thought except that I wasted money by buying snack or convenience sizes. The next day he would go out and buy the preferred items himself.
Addiction is the perfect description.
I'm afraid he is very good at lying to himself. The sad thing is my sense of helplessness. I appreciate your stories and experiences shared. Dementia is terrifying and there are times that I think I see signs of it already.
You're right; you can't change his eating habits. That's very discouraging when you're trying to cook healthy meals and keep a limited amount of forbidden foods in the house. It's hard to watch someone hurt themselves. My husband didn't have diabetes, but he had everything else.
You don't plan a "shock talk." It just escapes your lips before your brain realizes what you're saying. At least in my case it did.
There are anonymous groups for gamblers, shoppers and over eaters. There very well may be online support groups for their families and friends. Maybe there's one for you. If not, we're here.
Last year, I was up all night obsessing about my mother's death the year before and posted on City-Data. Someone else was awake, online and sent a DM. His words were like a cool cloth on a fevered brow. I remember his name. We aren't C-D friends, we don't chat, but I'll always remember the effect of those calming words.
I buy all the bad foods he eats but when I haven't for whatever reason he will go to the store and buy all of it himself. Most weeks I buy things on a Monday and by Wednesday it's gone and he comes home with a second round of it.
What he likes is set in stone, brands, flavors, amounts, etc. If I brought home small packages he would eat it all without a thought except that I wasted money by buying snack or convenience sizes. The next day he would go out and buy the preferred items himself.
Addiction is the perfect description.
I'm afraid he is very good at lying to himself. The sad thing is my sense of helplessness. I appreciate your stories and experiences shared. Dementia is terrifying and there are times that I think I see signs of it already.
You should invest in long-term care insurance if possible. My parents didn't do it soon enough, and once they realized my Dad would need it, he wasn't able to get it.
As far as the addiction, the only thing that will help get rid of the addiction is a health crisis or health scare. It sucks to be waiting for something bad to happen to him so that he will make a change, but that's probably what it will take.
You should invest in long-term care insurance if possible. My parents didn't do it soon enough, and once they realized my Dad would need it, he wasn't able to get it.
As far as the addiction, the only thing that will help get rid of the addiction is a health crisis or health scare. It sucks to be waiting for something bad to happen to him so that he will make a change, but that's probably what it will take.
We both have it, thank goodness. I think he was able to get it even after his diagnosis because it was early on and his control was good. That was maybe 12-13 years ago. It does give me peace of mind to have it and he wanted it for both our sakes.
You're right about the addictions. That's the bottom line isn't it? And I'm constantly feeling like I'm waiting for the "event" to happen and praying it doesn't come and yet for him to change I know it HAS to come.
His dad also had diabetes and developed severe circulation problems to the point of being unable to walk more than a few feet without intractable pain and dementia but not until his eighties, so maybe my DH has told himself he has lots of time. (He's 61.)
You're right; you can't change his eating habits. That's very discouraging when you're trying to cook healthy meals and keep a limited amount of forbidden foods in the house. It's hard to watch someone hurt themselves. My husband didn't have diabetes, but he had everything else.
You don't plan a "shock talk." It just escapes your lips before your brain realizes what you're saying. At least in my case it did.
There are anonymous groups for gamblers, shoppers and over eaters. There very well may be online support groups for their families and friends. Maybe there's one for you. If not, we're here.
Last year, I was up all night obsessing about my mother's death the year before and posted on City-Data. Someone else was awake, online and sent a DM. His words were like a cool cloth on a fevered brow. I remember his name. We aren't C-D friends, we don't chat, but I'll always remember the effect of those calming words.
Keep talking to us.
Thank you. I think I stumbled onto something this morning in a diabetes related forum. I have to go back and look again to see if it's current or an old, defunct one. There should be something like that with so many people affected by diabetes today. This one was touching on the emotional impact to spouses so I'm hoping it is current.
There is such a feeling of isolation and alienation to have these experiences and have no one to reach out to.
What a bit of good fortune that was reaching out in your hour of need and finding a giving soul to help you. That's what I call serendipity.
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