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Don't tell me "you don't" ! There has to be some way to bring it up and encourage / support , ask them to loose weight and get in shape without hurting their feelings. I know being pushy or rude is no way to go but somebody has had to have hit on the exact combination of timing and words to pull it off
I haven't read all the posts but in case this has not been asked. Are you in a relationship with a woman who needs to get in shape in your opinion? If the answer is yes then how long has that relationship been going on and was she out of shape when you met? This is important to determine the right approach.
Let's be intellectually honest. Not all preferences are without some sort of prejudice, and some are truly just preferences.
There's a big, big difference between recognizing an issue and addressing it with sound, supported data in a matter-of-fact and direct way, and spewing dogma, verbiage, based on assumptions of one's character.
One approach uses the data, the research, as the basis of their position. Sound data and research doesn't come packaged with thinly veiled insults and a superiority complex. A study on the physiologic effects of insulin and leptin and their role in weight gain/loss doesn't attempt to make assumptions about people's characters. It doesn't say "You people just need to be active and watch what you eat. Eat healthy." What generic, ambiguous advice that is.
It's as generic and nonsensical as a religionist or preaching telling people to stop sinning. Oh, well, what sins do you speak of? Baptist interpretation of sins, Methodist, Episcopalian, Catholic, Unitarian, Quaker? I mean, they all, 35,000, have their own view or idea of what constitutes "sin." So, whose advice does one follow? There are soooo many "experts" out there with varying beliefs.
Wading through the garbage is key, and how does one do that if they've been fed hogwash and nonsense for a long time? Many don't realize what they say, their diction, can not only come off as insults, but they're also naive because the presume to know the real issue when they simply don't.
Don't make baseless assumptions about people's character and use thinly veiled insults and you won't be called out on your own biases.
Which is what I mentioned before seeing your response.
If a person needs to treatment for a condition (be it mental or physical), then they need to address said condition.
Ex: If a person has food addiction, they need treatment for it. I have family members who are or were alcoholics, drug addicts or addicted to cigarettes. When they self medicated, they turned their addictions (often) towards food. My aunt did that. She went from calling everyone fat in the family (she was skinny) to having a medical scare where she was told she needed to stop smoking. And once she stopped, she ballooned up because she turned her energy elsewhere.
If someone has a hormonal imbalance, they need to address that.
I don't walk around assuming that because someone is overweight they're completely reckless and stupid. I work in a fitness studio and I have clients who tell me they just gave birth, they have hormonal issues and hope that taking (insert type of class) will help relieve excess stress to aid them in weight loss.
But they have to start somewhere and their diets would be a great start. Looking at what they eat throughout the day, eliminating unhealthy foods and replacing them with healthier ones is a decent start.
You didn't read what I initially said, did you? Reading is truly not fundamental on this site.
I've already said it is NOT DIVORCE WORTHY. I'm not sure what part of that some of you are not getting. You all cherry pick in order to get your granny panties bunched up.
That is where the OP's question comes into play. It would then be perfectly acceptable for the husband or wife to suggest eating healthier/exercising.
And where did I ever encourage leaving a spouse over an illness such as emphysema? Seems like you all enjoy twisting words in order to make yourselves feel better.
You said, NO AMOUNT OF LOVE CAN OVERCOME A 60-lb WEIGHT GAIN. Your divorce backpedal is irrelevant. There is no way around it.
The emphysema example was to counter your 200-lb comment as an example of another health risk people bring on themselves that is not a gateway to divorce. The fact that you don't get that proves that you tie weight to self_worth but disguise it as concern for health.
I could tell you had EDNOS. It's all over every post you've made here. And you work out? Congrats.
But guess what? It doesn't make you any better than or more worthy of love than a fat girl who eats ice cream for dinner.
You said, NO AMOUNT OF LOVE CAN OVERCOME A 60-lb WEIGHT GAIN. Your divorce backpedal is irrelevant. There is no way around it.
The emphysema example was to counter your 200-lb comment as an example of another health risk people bring on themselves that is not a gateway to divorce. The fact that you don't get that proves that you tie weight to self_worth but disguise it as concern for health.
I could tell you had EDNOS. It's all over every post you've made here. And you work out? Congrats.
But guess what? It doesn't make you any better than or more worthy of love than a fat girl who eats ice cream for dinner.
Where am I backpedaling? I said that many posts ago, even before you began responding to me. Again, reading isn't fundamental for many folks on here.
And it seems like I struck a nerve because you're the only one tying self worth to exercising and eating healthy. Perhaps you should work on whatever issues you have with that.
And no, it's not all over every post I've made on here. In fact, if I hadn't mentioned it, you wouldn't have even known.
I guess I could easily say I can tell you're an overweight woman in denial...
Where am I backpedaling? I said that many posts ago, even before you began responding to me. Again, reading isn't fundamental for many folks on here.
There appears to be a contradiction between your statement that no amt. of love can overcome a 60-lb. weight gain, and your statement that such a weight gain isn't divorce-worthy.
Exactly, simple changes are what it takes to kickstart weight loss. Learning to eat in moderation. For a lot of overweight people, eliminating some of the junk foods they snack on and replace them with fruits/vegetables can help them lose the first few pounds.
If a person has a lot of weight to lose, there is obviously MORE to it.
But one doesn't have to study or research anything to know that hey, a bag of potato chips isn't nutritious.
Oh, but one surely should if they wish to wade through the nonsense advice that so many blindly preach. Most people know eating french is not healthy, and donuts, and ice cream, and cake, etc. And many people are still led to believe one specific maconutrient is the cause of weight gain rather than the whole of one's diet. But the vast majority of people do not eat loads of chips, donuts, fries, cakes, pies, and what have you.
Most people follow the typical, outdated, guidelines that have existed for some 30+ years. Outdated. Most people follow the SAD, which is not one filled with junk food, believe it or not. It's your naivete that it's all about the supposed excess junk food people eat, which just goes to show just why knowing and familiarizing oneself with the current research and data is important. Those french fries have about the same carbs and similar glucose lad a bowl of "heart healthy" cereal and fat free milk. Oh, but it's the fries, the fries are bad. That fat free yogurt is loaded in sugar, as is that fat free cream cheese spread on a bagel. But, but these are "healthy" foods, says the labels on the box, and all of the dogma people have been fed. That 16 oz coke has a sh*t-ton of sugar, and that burrito from Chipotle, where I see a lot of "fit and active" people eat, is loaded with ingredients bound to raise glucose levels. That fruit smoothie from Jamba Juice, be prepared to spike your glucose levels and induce a high insulin response. Those "healthy" fruit smoothies = sugar, have more grams of sugar than a lot of the ice creams (regular serving) at Cold Stone. Actually, a large serving of one of my favorites has less sugar than many of the medium servings of fruit/vegetable smoothies.
Those 100 calorie snack packs. What does the label say? What are the ingredients? How much added sugar is there? That fat free dressing? Again, what's the sugar content? What are the other ingredients? Just because you see a heavy person eating a cheeseburger doesn't mean said cheeseburger is the cause of their weight gain. You don't know what the rest of that person's diet is. He could have had a "healthy" whole wheat bagel with fake butter and a glass of juice and fat free Greek yogurt for breakfast followed by a Weight Watchers snack pack. I'll just say this. It ain't the cheeseburger.
Last edited by Metaphysique; 07-01-2014 at 02:08 PM..
Which is what I mentioned before seeing your response.
If a person needs to treatment for a condition (be it mental or physical), then they need to address said condition.
Ex: If a person has food addiction, they need treatment for it. I have family members who are or were alcoholics, drug addicts or addicted to cigarettes. When they self medicated, they turned their addictions (often) towards food. My aunt did that. She went from calling everyone fat in the family (she was skinny) to having a medical scare where she was told she needed to stop smoking. And once she stopped, she ballooned up because she turned her energy elsewhere.
If someone has a hormonal imbalance, they need to address that.
I don't walk around assuming that because someone is overweight they're completely reckless and stupid. I work in a fitness studio and I have clients who tell me they just gave birth, they have hormonal issues and hope that taking (insert type of class) will help relieve excess stress to aid them in weight loss.
But they have to start somewhere and their diets would be a great start. Looking at what they eat throughout the day, eliminating unhealthy foods and replacing them with healthier ones is a decent start.
You're still not understanding. The majority of overweight and obese people are so due to a metabolic response to the SAD, which is the diet advised by outdated nutrition "experts." These aren't people who eat excessively for the fun of it. They aren't lazy or slobs. They're often leptin resistant, and their excessive weight gain is a result of a standard diet preached by many, many people that can no longer be supported by current research. They're not sitting around eating gobs and gobs of jelly donuts, cupcakes, cake pops, ice cream, pizza, etc. They eat the typical fat free and whole grain "complex carbs" crap so many people preach about, which is absolutely horrible advice for obese people who deal with this metabolic issue. It only makes it worse, not better.
My ex-husband was a Marine, and Marines are known for their discipline and high fitness standards. He didn't eat typical junk food in excess. We ate out, but it wasn't excessive. And yet he struggled with weight gain. He did everything he was expected to to lose it. The same ol' tired advice of "exercise and eat right." He ran 15+ miles a week and did other forms of unit PT, watched his diet, ate healthy per his doctor's advice, and guess what, still struggled. Whatever he did lose, he gained right back.
And there are millions who employ a similar routine and yet "fail," and not for lack of trying. It's for lack of sound, evidence-based medicine and advice. But, when he employed the right tools, when he understood what macronutrients (and ratios) worked best for fat loss, the fat melted away without a struggle.
*Some* people face weight gain due to health issues that go undiganosed or untreated (mental illness, PCOS in women, hypothyroidism) that feeds into a vicious cycle, and others gain and maintain the excess weight due to a metabolic response to the SAD, not excessive junk food eating. Despite what Spurlock says or "demonstrates" in his shoddy documentary, it's bullsh*t "science" and a poor representation of reality, and current data and research supports this.
Oh, but one surely should if they wish to wade through the nonsense advice that so many blindly preach. Most people know eating french is not healthy, and donuts, and ice cream, and cake, etc. And many people are still led to believe one specific maconutrient is the cause of weight gain rather than the whole of one's diet. But the vast majority of people do not eat loads of chips, donuts, fries, cakes, pies, and what have you.
Most people follow the typical, outdated, guidelines that have existed for some 30+ years. Outdated. Most people follow the SAD, which is not one filled with junk food, believe it or not. It's your naivete that it's all about the supposed excess junk food people eat, which just goes to show just why knowing and familiarizing oneself with the current research and data is important. Those french fries have about the same carbs and similar glucose lad a bowl of "heart healthy" cereal and fat free milk. Oh, but it's the fries, the fries are bad. That fat free yogurt is loaded in sugar, as is that fat free cream cheese spread on a bagel. But, but these are "healthy" foods, says the labels on the box, and all of the dogma people have been fed. That 16 oz coke has a sh*t-ton of sugar, and that burrito from Chipotle, where I see a lot of "fit and active" people eat, is loaded with ingredients bound to raise glucose levels. That fruit smoothie from Jamba Juice, be prepared to spike your glucose levels and induce a high insulin response. Those "healthy" fruit smoothies = sugar, have more grams of sugar than a lot of the ice creams (regular serving) at Cold Stone. Actually, a large serving of one of my favorites has less sugar than many of the medium servings of fruit/vegetable smoothies.
Those 100 calorie snack packs. What does the label say? What are the ingredients? How much added sugar is there? That fat free dressing? Again, what's the sugar content? What are the other ingredients? Just because you see a heavy person eating a cheeseburger doesn't mean said cheeseburger is the cause of their weight gain. You don't know what the rest of that person's diet is. He could have had a "healthy" whole wheat bagel with fake butter and a glass of juice and fat free Greek yogurt for breakfast followed by a Weight Watched snack pack. I'll just say this. It ain't the cheeseburger.
The main thing, which a lot of docs still aren't on to these days, is to avoid foods that trigger an insulin response. Insulin causes the body to hang onto fat. (It also causes a lot of other problems, including elevated cholesterol and arteriosclerosis over time.) So, avoid sugar, avoid starches or choose ones that are slow to digest and hit the bloodstream, like brown rice, avoid ingesting large amounts of carbs. (Fruit is high in carbs, high in the sugar: fructose. Certain fruits are better than others.) Focus on protein and green veggies, especially when trying to lose weight. Use your endocrine system to help you lose weight, by choosing the right foods to keep metabolic hormones balanced.
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