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When you get right down to it, if you cannot love someone for who they are then find someone you CAN love for who they are.
NO!!! When you get right down to it, if you cannot appreciate someone who loves you so much that you get upset with them for suggesting ways to better your health then you don't really deserve to be with someone so caring.
Telling someone you love to do something about their weight is the same as telling them to do something about their gingivitis, or smelly feet, or dandruff, or to fix the seat belts in their car. Actually, its MORE important because their LIVES and HEALTH and the lives of their loved ones depend on it.
If I see my wife starts gaining weight by either a visual, or the number on the scale I'll just say to her "So.....where's Gilbert? How's Arnie doing?" (as a reference to the mom in the movie Gilbert Grape) and she gets it. Same with me, she'll lightly slap my on my saddle bags or stomach and say "Hey Chunkster". Its done in a playful way, and we both know there is nothing hateful, mean, or rude about it, but we get the message.
These threads are like clockwork. LOL, you know exactly when it's coming.
Just tell her, gaze into her eyes and say honey, I think you are sweet, but, you're too fat for me. Be prepared to lose the keys to the candy store. But, seriously for those that are serious, she knows and there's no nice way, no hinting, no suggesting a run, no clearing the house of fast food, you aren't with a child, but if you care about her, sure you can sit her down and have a chat to find out what's going on in her mind on the subject of the weight gain and if there are things in her life troubling her and let her know why you have concerns.
If I were of a smaller size when we got together, yes, I would expect a conversation, if I were fat/chunky when we started out, you need not before or suddenly start complaining, best you look elsewhere if that's the case. If you are just a friend, my real friends and I don't have any topics that are off the table, but they know when to put a sock in it.
Yeah, saying any of that would make most women just think you're going to cheat on her, not inspire any sort of health improvement.
Sometimes I think it's hard for men to understand the complicated relationship between women and their bodies. For a lot of women, it's a minefield, and having someone she loves and trusts criticize her appearance, even from a place of caring, can be triggering.
I totally disagree. If anything, maybe it will motivate the fat person to start doing something about their health/weight. You aren't saying anything about them so no feelings would be hurt. If the relationship isn't strong, or the person has jealousy issues and they get hurt, then maybe the relationship is doomed to failure anyway. A strong relationship, and a strong person would take it as a cue to start taking care of themselves not only for the sake of their own health and longevity, but also for the sake of their relationship and family.
Lose fat? Of course CW is going to be all "join a gym, exercise, go hiking..." 80% of fat loss is through one's diet/eating habits. Not running on a treadmill, hopping on a StairMaster or lifting some weights. As most typically do it (a non-gym rat), they visit a gym for an hour, use a treadmill for maybe 30 minutes, and maybe try some free weights, and then leave for breakfast or lunch. And what do they eat when they go out? I can't count how many times I've witnessed this sight. Women trying to get fit (fat loss can be a slower and trickier process for women) by joining a gym, but doesn't realize her diet is the main culprit. That "heart healthy" cereal you just ate after that workout was loaded with sugar, and packed full of carbs in excess of 40+, and that "fat free" milk is also loaded with sugar, and you've probably just ate what calories you think you lost on that treadmill.
I've seen it many times, and heck, I fell prey to this. Joined Weight Watchers and other silly programs, and they rarely worked for more than maybe four months. These CW-based diets/methods are not sustainable for many people. They simply aren't, hence the continuous efforts by health and diet industry to get people fit and healthy. And it's not for lack of willpower. It's bad science and data.
OP, what I did back in June of '10 to begin the process was simple. It was for me, and my then husband also joined in as he needed to lose about 45 lbs. I watched the documentary Fat Head on Netflix, and then ended up finding a program that focuses on Primal eating and calorie/carb cycling. I didn't join a gym or "exercise the weight off" I focused first on changing my way of eating. That was my primary focus. Not only that, but I familiarized myself with current research on nutrition science (I still have many of the journals bookmarked). I needed to understand the mechanism behind fat loss and storage. In the past I had done everything that we're often told to do. Reduce calories, cut out the fat, blah, blah, blah. And I was never able to keep that 20-30 lbs off, and I sure as heck am not going to turn into chronic cardio junkie with the thinking that it's really going to be effective in the long run.
But this regimen. It worked. And it was easy. Freakishly easy. Not so much effort, no "willpower" that we're often told weight loss is all about. Nope. What it did was kept my glucose at a reasonable level and did not spike a high insulin response. There was no "high" from the sugar load and resulting crash or low followed by more eating of the same foods that induce that feeling. I was also leptin resistant, as are many overweight and obese individuals. Knowing the roles these hormones play in fat loss and storage is vital to losing fat and sustaining that loss. I lost 60 lbs in five months, and there was no struggle and no plateau. My ex-husband lost 45 lbs in about five months (he was a Marine, and did all of the "Marine" things to lose the fat, extra PT, military-based diet programs... nada. But this program worked, and worked like a charm.)
I later started a lipolytic regimen while still maintaining my Primal eating, and lost more weight. I felt my best when I followed Primal more strictly. As soon as I reintroduced offending foods I felt like sh*t. Just awful. The 80/20 rule is fairly simple to follow. I try to keep 80% of my WOE/L primal. If I want a cheeseburger, I'll get a cheeseburger, but I won't have fries. I know what substitutions to make. I get a baked sweet potato (with butter) instead of a regular potato. I drink water, sparkling water or unsweetened tea, or coffee (with butter or coconut oil). The bulk of my carbs comes from low glycemic index fruits and vegetables (berries, green apples and grapefruit are great. I love bananas, but they're high in sugar and glycemic load). Learn the glycemic index and load. Calorie/carb cycling is pretty effective, and the plan is great for maintenance as well.
I don't count calories. I read labels. I try not to buy anything with added sugar. I typically know the glycemic load of various foods, and know what substitutions to make when I eat out. This method worked very well for me, and there was no struggle in doing so. I lost 100 lbs before ever starting a strength/exercise training regimen, and that worked to tone, build strength and lean muscle, but not lose fat. If I want to lose fat I work on my diet. I also did/do periods of intermittent fasting, and it worked very well in conjunction with Primal eating. In total, I lost 140 lbs. The last 40 lbs were lost with a diet high in fat. No, that cheeseburger is not going to make you fat. That steak won't make you pack on the pounds, nor will butter and bacon. There for a while I'd eat a pound of salmon for one meal, often dinner, and five or more eggs with bacon when I broke my fast, and butter in my coffee, along with fatty coconut milk in my smoothies. And I still lost fat easily, even when my calories exceeded 2000 a day. At the time I could afford to eat that much, but meat and seafood can get expensive, so I started to cut down to help my wallet out.
"Wow, check out ESPN showing the women of the Crossfit games. These women are incredible with the shape they are in. They look amazing and sexy"
"One of the female instructors at the gym complimented me today on my abs. It really made me feel great that she noticed me. It was cool that someone like her who is so busy and in demand by clients and is also in outstanding shape came over to specifically compliment me"
"Some young ladies asked to feel my bicep and they were all like "Ooooooooo...wow!!! that is so sexy""
You need to follow up with enthusiastically saying "It was so cool" or "It was awesome" or something like that.
Such a bad idea for the OP.
I know from your later posts that, while naive, your intentions are good. But to advocate this kind of manipulation is just dumb. He has already noted that she gets upset if he brings it up. Comments like yours will only dig at her obvious insecurity, EVEN IF you add, "it was so cool."
there will always be one devotee who INSISTS that bringing up your SO's weight is your duty and for her health and no different than reminding her to get a check up etc. Blah blah blah.
Bnt if you KNOW she is insecure about it, she will NEVER EVER EVER see it that way.
It's telling that he posted this question in the Relationships forum and not the Diet forum. Techniques that may work for YOU, Chunkster, are not "one size fits all."
I totally disagree. If anything, maybe it will motivate the fat person to start doing something about their health/weight. You aren't saying anything about them so no feelings would be hurt. If the relationship isn't strong, or the person has jealousy issues and they get hurt, then maybe the relationship is doomed to failure anyway. A strong relationship, and a strong person would take it as a cue to start taking care of themselves not only for the sake of their own health and longevity, but also for the sake of their relationship and family.
It's very insensitive and if you don't understand that, I can not explain it to you.
NO!!! When you get right down to it, if you cannot appreciate someone who loves you so much that you get upset with them for suggesting ways to better your health then you don't really deserve to be with someone so caring.
Telling someone you love to do something about their weight is the same as telling them to do something about their gingivitis, or smelly feet, or dandruff, or to fix the seat belts in their car. Actually, its MORE important because their LIVES and HEALTH and the lives of their loved ones depend on it.
If I see my wife starts gaining weight by either a visual, or the number on the scale I'll just say to her "So.....where's Gilbert? How's Arnie doing?" (as a reference to the mom in the movie Gilbert Grape) and she gets it. Same with me, she'll lightly slap my on my saddle bags or stomach and say "Hey Chunkster". Its done in a playful way, and we both know there is nothing hateful, mean, or rude about it, but we get the message.
I understand where you are coming from, but IIRC from the OP's past posts, this must be a new relationship. If it's a new relationship, then he shouldn't be expecting the person to change.
Lol, a man can't change his penis size, a woman CAN change how fat she is. There is no comparison.
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But, seriously for those that are serious, she knows and there's no nice way, no hinting, no suggesting a run, no clearing the house of fast food, you aren't with a child, but if you care about her, sure you can sit her down and have a chat to find out what's going on in her mind on the subject of the weight gain and if there are things in her life troubling her and let her know why you have concerns. 
is also loaded with sugar, and you've probably just ate what calories you think you lost on that treadmill.
