How do you tell a woman she needs to get in shape ? (diabetic, carb)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
NO!!! When you get right down to it, if you cannot appreciate someone who loves you so much that you get upset with them for suggesting ways to better your health then you don't really deserve to be with someone so caring.
Telling someone you love to do something about their weight is the same as telling them to do something about their gingivitis, or smelly feet, or dandruff, or to fix the seat belts in their car. Actually, its MORE important because their LIVES and HEALTH and the lives of their loved ones depend on it.
If I see my wife starts gaining weight by either a visual, or the number on the scale I'll just say to her "So.....where's Gilbert? How's Arnie doing?" (as a reference to the mom in the movie Gilbert Grape) and she gets it. Same with me, she'll lightly slap my on my saddle bags or stomach and say "Hey Chunkster". Its done in a playful way, and we both know there is nothing hateful, mean, or rude about it, but we get the message.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kings Gambit
I totally disagree. If anything, maybe it will motivate the fat person to start doing something about their health/weight. You aren't saying anything about them so no feelings would be hurt. If the relationship isn't strong, or the person has jealousy issues and they get hurt, then maybe the relationship is doomed to failure anyway. A strong relationship, and a strong person would take it as a cue to start taking care of themselves not only for the sake of their own health and longevity, but also for the sake of their relationship and family.
Absolutely, emphatically, disagree. That may work for you and your relationship, but it would absolutely not work for most. You and your wife are coming from a different place and mindset, and so your approach reflects that. One's method or approach should take into account the individuals involved, the context of the situation, the dynamics, the individual's mindset, etc. There is no one right way to approach this, perhaps, sensitive topic, but there are many bad ways that can surely backfire.
Not buying the "I care about your health" tactic at all. If the OP is married and the weight gain has been long-term, that's one thing, but most of the time on this board it's a simple smoke screen for "I don't want to have sex with a fat person." She'll see right through it. If the OP is just dating her, forget it.
Lol, a man can't change his penis size, a woman CAN change how fat she is. There is no comparison.
I honestly think penis size is something that is greatly over emphasized. I only hear about it in a humorous context or from those who are really insecure.
Not buying the "I care about your health" tactic at all. If the OP is married and the weight gain has been long-term, that's one thing, but most of the time on this board it's a simple smoke screen for "I don't want to have sex with a fat person." She'll see right through it. If the OP is just dating her, forget it.
I am with you all the way on this one.
Also, I this is a new relationship, OP should accept her as is. If that is how she is when he started dating her he knew what he was getting.
If you are truly concerned about their health and activity levels you show them how much you care about them and reiterate the reasons for becoming healthier.
IE: I want to do things with you outside of the home, I want to travel with you, I want to have children and raise them together. Etc
You encourage and support them, not barrage them with negativity.
Not buying the "I care about your health" tactic at all. If the OP is married and the weight gain has been long-term, that's one thing, but most of the time on this board it's a simple smoke screen for "I don't want to have sex with a fat person." She'll see right through it. If the OP is just dating her, forget it.
Ditto. The "health" argument is just a guise for "I don't like your fatness, so I'm going to pretend this advice I am giving you is for your health."
If my husband or partner was a ginormous d*ck about such matters, he'd surely regret it. And excess weight is rarely an issue of "you're a lazy fat ass who lacks willpower" just as mental illness is not a case of "you just don't get enough sunshine, exercise or take proper vitamins... or you lack faith in Jesus and that's why you're really sad."
I greatly dislike disingenuous advice. I didn't encourage and support my ex-husband in his efforts to lose fat because I felt he was unsightly and because he needed to be a "trim and fit Marine" again. It was "This is legit science. It makes real sense and can be backed up with current research and data. Let's watch, read and implement these tools and methods." I didn't need to lecture, humiliate or berate him. I didn't need to pretend it was "for his health" as he could come to that conclusion on his own, a conclusion he was well aware of already. Since he was/is a person who fancies evidence-based medicine and data, I showed him the data. Simple. We broke it down together and began putting it into practice. When one understands the mechanism behind something, the way in which something functions or operates, they have a better understanding of the process and how to implement the regimen. Just telling someone to "Do this because of this, because I/we say so" is not going to work long term. Because it didn't work on him when his superiors were on his a$$ about making weight and being within regulation. His efforts were short term and failed, no matter how hard he stuck to their protocol.
What worked was simple. A simple approach and method that allowed him to lose 45 lbs with little effort and no bogus "willpower."
You don't. You model a healthy lifestyle. You exercise, you eat healthy foods (prepare them for the two of you... have her fix dinner with you).
Take her out on hikes, to see the sights, etc.
Never buy any junk food to keep at home. Make sure she's not buying junk food when you are around her. Buy her treats now and then, but make healthier choices. Fruit smoothies without added sugar, etc.
Do NOT tell this woman she needs to lose weight or get in shape. It will end badly.
If you really want a thin/gym rat type of female? Ditch this one and find one like that.
__________________
When in doubt, check it out: FAQ
I'm probably the only female who thinks this, but I'd rather my husband/boyfriend speak up about his concern(s) over my weight and health.
I think especially since both of my fathers parents died from heart disease, my father is diabetic and my mom has hypertension and fibromyalgia, those would be some legitimate concerns. In fact, those are the primary reasons I work out, limit simple carbs (little to none in my diet) and eat a high complex carb diet (well, I'm also a long distance runner).
And not only that, but I do want to feel comfortable around myself when I'm naked. If i'm not comfortable alone, I won't be comfortable and at my best with someone else around, no matter how much they love me. I've gotta love me and be content with myself before I can even consider allowing myself to be vulnerable around another person.
I'd rather he tell me that he's concerned with how I'm no longer into health and fitness like before and he's concerned with my weight gain and lack of a healthy lifestyle. I want him to be upfront with me. I may know that I'm a slob at that point, but if he points it out and offers to help support me with getting back on track it would be great encouragement.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
