Guilty for getting a puppy because of inability to cope... (how much, vet)
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Sorry, long but please read and let me know your thoughts:
Hi, we just recently bought, not adopted, a puppy dog (it's a small toy breed). We've had similar breed, female, for 17 years. We've lived through it's ups and downs, were not necessarily the best owners at the time because it was our first dog, but stayed with her even through her blindness and other ailments until she passed unexpectedly due to vet boarding neglecting it, even though the past two years she's had great care there although we don't know if she just got depressed at being boarded and gave up being her age, but she passed unexpectedly, another vet having to put her to sleep after taking her home from a week boarding because she suffered from dehydration and kidney failure while being boarded. The fact she lived so long hopefully it was because she knew we loved her and she had great care up until that last week we boarded her because we went on vacation. We asked for the vet's professional opinion and she said it was best to end her suffering but my wife and I often second guessed if we should have tried to pursue treatment such as kidney flush even though the vet said that will only prolong her suffering with no guarantees she'll survive the additional treatments.
Suffice it to say my wife and I were devastated. I guess we're still grieving, particularly my wife. But after four months since our first dog's passing, we were looking at other dogs online, looking at adoption sites, but my wife didn't want a rescue even though I wanted one, she wanted another puppy to raise. So we started looking at puppies, and I know I'm going to take flak for this because I know many dog owners are against buying from puppy stores who are probably supplied by puppy mills, but we ended up buying a puppy from a puppy store, paid a hefty price for it. It's a good dog, similar breed, but a male this time, only 8 weeks old. We've had it for only a few nights when my wife suddenly didn't want it anymore, she said it's because it made her grieve about our first dog even more, thinking it would replace the memory of our first one, and she could not provide the same love and attention to our first one because of the guilt that our first one passed away after we boarded it for a week at it's old age.
What got me out of all this was my wife wanted this new puppy so badly that night we took a look at it, I was willing to take a pass on it or at least sleep on it for a night before purchasing it, but my wife then became angry and said if we get another dog, this is the one, seemed to have a good demeanor and it is extremely cute. So when we took it home, I didn't really care about the price we paid for it originally, now that I was all-in with raising him. But now my wife wants to back out but we're already past the return period, and wants to return it without a refund (which I think is foolish at this point but I'm sure the puppy store is willing to profit twice from this puppy), or put it up for adoption. But I just built a bond with it, though tiring as it is to raise a puppy and have to train it again, but it's hard when now my wife's heart is not into it, and she admits it was a mistake to get it because she thought it would help her cope with the loss of our first dog of many years, but all it does is make her cry because she has to put attention to this dog now.
So I don't know what to do. I'm a little tired taking care of it myself with broken sleep. It is a sweet dog, he just wants to stay near us all the time, sits or lays by our ankles, is fun when he has a bundle of energy to play, it nips once in a while because it's teething, and barks a lot when we crate him to try and crate train him. He eventually calms down after 10 mins of continuous barking, but I know it's wearing thin on me and my wife, we forgot how tough it was to raise a puppy since it was 17 years ago since we brought a puppy home.
The only option I know of is possibly giving the dog to a family who has kids who are at least 6-10 years old, not too young to abuse a little puppy, but who could not afford the dog they wanted that same night we were in the puppy shop. The shop said that family has been coming in like every week to pet the dog they're interested in just to back out because of the outrageous prices this shop charges for puppies. But I was considering contacting the shop and see if they have this family's contact info and just giving our puppy to them, even though it's not their original choice, but given it will be free including all the supplies we bought for it, maybe they'll take them in and hopefully love him. But in the back of my mind, if they cannot afford the dog in the first place, how can they afford the care for a growing puppy (food, vet bills, boarding, etc.).
I'm really stuck in a dilemma as to whether or not to let go of this puppy I bonded with in a matter of days, that my wife made us buy (though my fault for not putting my foot down) and now changed her mind about it, give it back to the store without a refund to resell (which makes us fools), give it to the family who cannot afford a puppy, or just gut it out a few months and be patient and see if eventually my wife will accept it. Giving it up for adoption worries me as well, it was used to being in a crib at the puppy shop, not behind a cage in a rescue shelter.
I should have been more firm with my wife and told her she may not be ready for another dog when she made it sound she was ready for another dog, so if we give this one up I said we'll NEVER get another dog again, but who's to say we won't want another one in a few months or years, and we just gave up what could have been the perfect dog for us even though it may have been premature to have gotten him in the first place. I feel so bad for doing this to the little guy, we should have left him at the store that night.
I can tell you with almost 100% certainty that the puppy you bought came from a puppy mill and you contributed to that industry.
That aside, please do the right thing now for this puppy and give it to the appropriate pure breed rescue. If there isn't one around, please do your research and give it to an established rescue in your area that has a good reputation. In my opinion you do need to rehome it. Please do so while it is still young and has the best chance of getting adopted quickly.
Please do not give it back to the store they will not check references, or determine that the dog will go to a good home. Also please do not give it to the family at the store. They may be nice people or they may turn around and resell it. If that family really wanted a dog, there are plenty out there that don't cost a fortune. They may want to breed the dog for a profit. No way to tell what their intentions are.
The best thing for the dog would be to give it a reputable rescue.
I can tell you with almost 100% certainty that the puppy you bought came from a puppy mill and you contributed to that industry.
That aside, please do the right thing now for this puppy and give it to the appropriate pure breed rescue. If there isn't one around, please do your research and give it to an established rescue in your area that has a good reputation. In my opinion you do need to rehome it. Please do so while it is still young and has the best chance of getting adopted quickly.
Please do not give it back to the store they will not check references, or determine that the dog will go to a good home. Also please do not give it to the family at the store. They may be nice people or they may turn around and resell it. If that family really wanted a dog, there are plenty out there that don't cost a fortune. They may want to breed the dog for a profit. No way to tell what their intentions are.
The best thing for the dog would be to give it a reputable rescue.
Thank you for your reply. I feel bad that we contributed to that horrible industry, but I often wonder when people say go to a shelter and save a life, what happens to those puppies who are not bought at these puppy mill shops?
I will do some research on some reputable rescues, but in the back of my mind or heart, something is also telling me not to give up on this little guy. He's made some good progress with being with us for a week, I can tell he's making good progress towards being house trained and crate trained, but my wife and I just have to be patient. I realize the longer we keep him the harder it will be to give him up, and the harder it will be for the little guy because he too will be building that bond. I know if we keep him, I will not let him suffer because he's not like our first one, and in fact in a guilty sort of way, he may end up with better care, though not necessarily having the same bond, because of the lessons we learned with our first one.
With the points you made, I do feel it's a mistake to give him back to the store, we'll contribute more to that industry, making the mistake we made even bigger. You're right, in the back of my mind, I don't know how that family will be to the little guy because we don't even know that family. I just wish we never put ourselves in this position, I feel like a fool, I do know my heart will be heavy if I give him up even to a reputable rescue, my wife just wants to do it now so she doesn't build a bond to it, she should have known that from the start, now I feel like the victim, but the true victim is the little guy.
Thank you for your reply. I feel bad that we contributed to that horrible industry, but I often wonder when people say go to a shelter and save a life, what happens to those puppies who are not bought at these puppy mill shops?
I will do some research on some reputable rescues, but in the back of my mind or heart, something is also telling me not to give up on this little guy. He's made some good progress with being with us for a week, I can tell he's making good progress towards being house trained and crate trained, but my wife and I just have to be patient. I realize the longer we keep him the harder it will be to give him up, and the harder it will be for the little guy because he too will be building that bond. I know if we keep him, I will not let him suffer because he's not like our first one, and in fact in a guilty sort of way, he may end up with better care, though not necessarily having the same bond, because of the lessons we learned with our first one.
With the points you made, I do feel it's a mistake to give him back to the store, we'll contribute more to that industry, making the mistake we made even bigger. You're right, in the back of my mind, I don't know how that family will be to the little guy because we don't even know that family. I just wish we never put ourselves in this position, I feel like a fool, I do know my heart will be heavy if I give him up even to a reputable rescue, my wife just wants to do it now so she doesn't build a bond to it, she should have known that from the start, now I feel like the victim, but the true victim is the little guy.
You're in a tough spot for sure.
If your wife never bonds to the puppy, what will its life be like? You won't be home 24/7. If you're planning to travel a lot and will have to board the dog often or if you're crating it more that at night and when you're not at home, those are other reasons to rehome it.
It sounds like it's young so it may take a few weeks to potty train. Have you taken it to the vet to get checked out? Sometimes puppies from those places have health issues.
You would have to be a little nutty not to consider giving up a puppy at times. Puppies can be exhausting, especially in the teething land shark phase. We adopted a 2 month old puppy from a rescue recently(6months old now) and there have certainly been times where we were ready to throw in the towel.
But I would bet good money that if you actually went through with it your wife would then just be even more upset that she gave up on the little guy. There really is no better treatment for the loss of a pet than to get another one. I would say give it some more time for your wife to try to bond and sort her feelings out. Maybe even just boarding the pup for a day and letting her experience a day without may make her realize she does in fact care for him.
If your wife never bonds to the puppy, what will its life be like? You won't be home 24/7. If you're planning to travel a lot and will have to board the dog often or if you're crating it more that at night and when you're not at home, those are other reasons to rehome it.
It sounds like it's young so it may take a few weeks to potty train. Have you taken it to the vet to get checked out? Sometimes puppies from those places have health issues.
We thought about getting another puppy because we are actual recent empty-nesters, both kids grown and out of the house, maybe that's why we thought of it too. Our first dog who passed away grew up with the kids, so that's the only dog our now adult kids knew. I'm sure when our kids come to visit they won't bond with this new one the same way as their first and only dog. When we talked to our kids after the fact, they said we should've consulted with them, most likely to discourage us from making the impulsive purchase. We were very weak for being parents who raised to good kids. My wife and I are in our 50's, so we still have some strength to raise this puppy, we just need to have the patience. We don't travel a lot but we will have to take a couple week long trips this year. Even though we may have some remorse buying it, I told my wife we will not let this guy suffer for our mistake, we will either find it a good home or make our home good for it. My wife did say she is not heartless enough to neglect him, but her heart just won't be into him as much as our first one.
We did take it to the vet already, the first year vet expenses are covered with the purchase price, including the upcoming neutering and checkups, so you can imagine how much we paid for this guy. He just has a slight cold which the vet prescribed antibiotics for. I knew it had a little cold when we bought it, vet said is customary for puppies who may be going through reduced immunity with all the stress just after being weened from its parents, but he seems to be improving because he actually looks a little larger and has been sleeping comfortably on its cushion when its near us, plus a good sign is it's playful and eating, instead of being lethargic. But we have to crate train it at night, and he actually did pretty good, letting me actually sleep five straight hours this time, instead of 2-3 hour clips. We are not first-time dog owners nor are we the negligient type, even though this one may not experience the same bond as our first one, which was special.
Look up a local breed-specific rescue and let them have it. They will do their due diligence in finding a good home for the puppy.
The thought is there to put it in a rescue, but I feel I have to make sure it's totally healthy after finishing its two-weeks antibiotics for the cold, and have it get the rest of its shots, also scheduled in a couple weeks. I guess I can rely on the rescue for getting these done if I hand over the medication but I feel better if I at least ensured it's in better shape than when we got it.
We thought about getting another puppy because we are actual recent empty-nesters, both kids grown and out of the house, maybe that's why we thought of it too. Our first dog who passed away grew up with the kids, so that's the only dog our now adult kids knew. I'm sure when our kids come to visit they won't bond with this new one the same way as their first and only dog. When we talked to our kids after the fact, they said we should've consulted with them, most likely to discourage us from making the impulsive purchase. We were very weak for being parents who raised to good kids. My wife and I are in our 50's, so we still have some strength to raise this puppy, we just need to have the patience. We don't travel a lot but we will have to take a couple week long trips this year. Even though we may have some remorse buying it, I told my wife we will not let this guy suffer for our mistake, we will either find it a good home or make our home good for it. My wife did say she is not heartless enough to neglect him, but her heart just won't be into him as much as our first one.
We did take it to the vet already, the first year vet expenses are covered with the purchase price, including the upcoming neutering and checkups, so you can imagine how much we paid for this guy. He just has a slight cold which the vet prescribed antibiotics for. I knew it had a little cold when we bought it, vet said is customary for puppies who may be going through reduced immunity with all the stress just after being weened from its parents, but he seems to be improving because he actually looks a little larger and has been sleeping comfortably on its cushion when its near us, plus a good sign is it's playful and eating, instead of being lethargic. But we have to crate train it at night, and he actually did pretty good, letting me actually sleep five straight hours this time, instead of 2-3 hour clips. We are not first-time dog owners nor are we the negligient type, even though this one may not experience the same bond as our first one, which was special.
Thanks for the additional information. It sounds like you're doing all the right things for him.
There are support groups for people who have recently lost a pet. If that is something that would be helpful for your wife, the local humane society (or maybe the vet) should have more information.
I feel better if I at least ensured it's in better shape than when we got it.
No disrespect meant, but the dog will be in much better hands in a rescue today.
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