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You would have to be a little nutty not to consider giving up a puppy at times. Puppies can be exhausting, especially in the teething land shark phase. We adopted a 2 month old puppy from a rescue recently(6months old now) and there have certainly been times where we were ready to throw in the towel.
But I would bet good money that if you actually went through with it your wife would then just be even more upset that she gave up on the little guy. There really is no better treatment for the loss of a pet than to get another one. I would say give it some more time for your wife to try to bond and sort her feelings out. Maybe even just boarding the pup for a day and letting her experience a day without may make her realize she does in fact care for him.
Thank you for your insight. Like I said, we are not first time dog owners prior to this, but only one-time owners, having a dog of 17 years which is unusually long. But the guilt we have is from feeling responsible for its untimely passing for boarding it at its age for a week to visit an ailing relative, ironically. I think that's one of the underlying reasons my wife did an about-face with the new puppy is she cannot shed the guilt of our first one passing, and it seems we are giving this new puppy better care than our first dog when it was a puppy, because as I try to tell her, we have to learn from our mistakes from taking care of the first one. We cannot compromise the care of this new puppy just because we feel it will not replace the loss of the first one.
But what I highlighted in your comments rings very true, especially to me, that if we give up on the little guy, I will feel worse. I also agree that I think my wife needs more time to sort things out, because at times this little guy does make her laugh or at least puts a smile on her face. I think she's just afraid to bond with it because she doesn't want to feel the pain of losing another one, she took the loss of the first one exceptionally hard. I do like your idea of boarding the pup for a day or even half a day just to let my wife feel what it's like for the house to be empty without the new puppy, which prompted that feeling of searching for another one in the first place.
The timing seems all wrong, but in my mind, if we were searching for another dog without having the feelings of remorse and guilt from losing the first one, this would be our ideal dog, and if we gave it away, as you said, it will still feel like a loss. I told my wife if we were to give up on this little guy, I DO NOT want another dog ever, and ever is a long time. If we did give this one up and over time, like weeks or months from now, the grief has somewhat subsided and my wife gets that feeling she may want another dog again, I will refuse to get one, because if we gave up on this one, it could have been that other wonderful companion. We do not deserve another pet if we just give up on this one. But from what I know, loving dog owners usually yearn for another one after having owned one for a while.
We did almost give up on our first dog within weeks of owning it as well, but ended up keeping it and loving it for 17 years because the older lady who almost adopted it was kind enough to tell us what we were doing wrong as first-time dog owners at the time, and she taught us the proper ways to raise and train a puppy because she owned many dogs over her lifetime.
No disrespect meant, but the dog will be in much better hands in a rescue today.
I understand where you're coming from. I don't know if I can make that clean break yet, and I realize I may be being selfish. I know waiting longer may make it worse. Maybe underlying is I want to keep it.
I understand where you're coming from. I don't know if I can make that clean break yet, and I realize I may be being selfish. I know waiting longer may make it worse. Maybe underlying is I want to keep it.
Me--I'm not the biggest fan of "high maintenance" dogs, the #1 way a dog is a good dog to me is to do 2 things--be quiet and leave me alone. I'm totally serious. I'm of the type that when I FEEL like doing something with you I will, but you do not EVER bug me when I'm trying to read or just be "to myself," when I am home alone that is what I want to be, LEFT ALONE. It is a non-negotiable, even if my wife likes the dog, no matter, if it bugs me when I'm wanting to be left alone the dog has to go.
This thread is about you, it is not about me, HOWEVER I do seem to recall you mentioning the dog starting to get on your nerves a bit with begging for attention all of the time. If you think it will grow out of this stage soon enough, then fine, but if it's going to continue to be a sticking point for you, you should move on. This sounds cold, but I don't care--you can always just get another dog, one that isn't so needy but is still affectionate and such. This isn't the only dog on the planet, and if you find it another home with someone who fancies this very type of dog then I see no problem with doing that.
Me personally, "giving up on a dog" doesn't bother my conscience one bit, if you try and it doesn't work big deal, it's not like returning a child from the foster home, which by the way some people will in fact do on occasion. You find a dog which fits your personality and likes, and get THAT one, and one that doesn't match up--don't get it on "impulse," resist that impulse and keep looking until the RIGHT dog comes along.
Thanks for the additional information. It sounds like you're doing all the right things for him.
There are support groups for people who have recently lost a pet. If that is something that would be helpful for your wife, the local humane society (or maybe the vet) should have more information.
As I said, I appreciate your responses and the responses from others. My wife and I do deserve the criticism for what we did impulsively, but I do want to do what's best for the little guy. I still think me and my wife can be good parents to it because we are not the negligient type as I mentioned having been a previous dog owner, but I realize we'll have to decide soon whether we're all-in or not with raising the pup. I just have to pray over it and hope we do what's best for it. Thanks for the suggestion, I'll look at support groups as well as articles on coping with the loss of a pet and will share with my wife. I've also shared with her the feedback I received from everyone on this thread. Thank you to all.
I like the idea of offering it to the family but then, if they wanted a different dog they might sell him to get the dog they want. I doubt it but once you give a dog away you never really know.
I say keep him. He loves you. He can be your dog. It's not that bad with a puppy!
We thought about getting another puppy because we are actual recent empty-nesters, both kids grown and out of the house, maybe that's why we thought of it too. Our first dog who passed away grew up with the kids, so that's the only dog our now adult kids knew. I'm sure when our kids come to visit they won't bond with this new one the same way as their first and only dog. When we talked to our kids after the fact, they said we should've consulted with them, most likely to discourage us from making the impulsive purchase. We were very weak for being parents who raised to good kids. My wife and I are in our 50's, so we still have some strength to raise this puppy, we just need to have the patience. We don't travel a lot but we will have to take a couple week long trips this year. Even though we may have some remorse buying it, I told my wife we will not let this guy suffer for our mistake, we will either find it a good home or make our home good for it. My wife did say she is not heartless enough to neglect him, but her heart just won't be into him as much as our first one.
We did take it to the vet already, the first year vet expenses are covered with the purchase price, including the upcoming neutering and checkups, so you can imagine how much we paid for this guy. He just has a slight cold which the vet prescribed antibiotics for. I knew it had a little cold when we bought it, vet said is customary for puppies who may be going through reduced immunity with all the stress just after being weened from its parents, but he seems to be improving because he actually looks a little larger and has been sleeping comfortably on its cushion when its near us, plus a good sign is it's playful and eating, instead of being lethargic. But we have to crate train it at night, and he actually did pretty good, letting me actually sleep five straight hours this time, instead of 2-3 hour clips. We are not first-time dog owners nor are we the negligient type, even though this one may not experience the same bond as our first one, which was special.
First: NEVER EVER buy a dog from a "pet store" --- PLEASE. As for your kids - the dogs is YOURS not theirs. Who cares what they think?
Now that you have the dog and have bonded with him - first remember, it is a small dog and small dogs have small bladders. Take up the water in the evening so he doesn't drink and then have to wake you up to go out. Crate training is a must. At night and also during the day when you are at work. Please do not let the puppy have free run... all kinds of horrible things can happen to him.
I think grief was your motivator for buying the pup, and now that you have him, suggest that you just love him and allow him to stay! Of course he won't be like your dog you had for 17 years. Give it some time, let his personality develop and come through. You will eventually love him just as much. You might regret giving him up now that you have invested your time and love into this little guy... just saying... You have already gotten through a lot of the hard part - housebreaking, etc.
If you just can't stand the dog, please call a rescue or take him to a no kill shelter. Do not return him to the store. Do not "give him away" or "sell him" on Craigslist please. All kinds of horrible things can happen.
The thought is there to put it in a rescue, but I feel I have to make sure it's totally healthy after finishing its two-weeks antibiotics for the cold, and have it get the rest of its shots, also scheduled in a couple weeks. I guess I can rely on the rescue for getting these done if I hand over the medication but I feel better if I at least ensured it's in better shape than when we got it.
Please speak to your vet asap ... most every vet knows someone who could give it a good home. Some of their employees, vet techs, take in pups until they find a good home for them. If not, your vet can inform you about the best shelters in your area. The vet will give it all the medication it needs. ( Are you sure this pup does not have something more than "a cold" ? pneumonia? )
I would guess it's just kennel cough. Which is pretty much guaranteed with those puppy mill dogs.
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