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Oh Joanna, my heart is breaking along with yours. I just checked on your other thread for an update, then found this thread with your sad news. I am so, so sorry for your loss.
As I mentioned in your other thread, we are going through something very similar right now with our sweet girl, so I truly do understand how hard this is.
It is definitely hard wondering if saying goodbye is the right decision, and I hope you have realized, or soon will realize, that yes, you made a loving and compassionate decision with the information you had. Every time those doubts and questions flood your brain, try to push them out and replace them with happy thoughts of your pup. You are not omniscient; no human is. But you are clearly kind and caring and loving where your dog is concerned.
Our boy was 10 1/2. I know that’s old for a Boxer but I’m sad we didn’t get another year or 2 with him. And even though I know deep down we did the right thing it still bothers me because we never knew for sure what was wrong. They said we could do and MRI but he was buckling his front paws and falling over...he would yelp when we you touched his head or neck a certain way. He was trembling on and off and he withdrew from us the last week. No pain meds we’re working. Steroids seemed to help him relax more and not pace in circles but that was it. They suspected a brain tumor or his spine (X-rays last year showed it was infused). But I wish we knew but I didn’t want to put him through anymore suffering nor spend the money just to find out what was already inevitable. But I just keep thinking....what if it was something that could have been fixed with a different med or surgery and we didn’t try it. Last year he has issues with trembling and pain and pain meds and an antibiotic worked....he never withdrew from us though. This time nothing worked and he wouldn’t come near us when we called him. He was still eating though although had trouble....the vet said though that sometimes a brain tumor makes them eat more. When we got him into the emergency he just sort of collapsed on the floor (still conscious). Kind of like he know he could finally show he was sick....and they took him on a stretcher but the dr said once he got back to a room he tried to run away but then collapsed again. It just seemed all weekend he would seem a little better and then really bad again. It’s hard to deal with.
I am very sorry for your loss. We lost our sweet Hobbs last May, very similar symptoms. You did the kind thing. It's natural to wonder what more could have been done--but your boxes had 10 good years.
I second guessed my decision for a very long time and about drove myself crazy with it. I got so depressed; I could hardly do my job.
My dog was just old. He didn't have cancer or . . a devastating illness. He was old, blind, deaf, incontinent, and with doggy dementia. He paced in circles and really didn't even know we were home unless we touched him. But he was not dying of cancer.
So I felt awful.
When I called the Vet office to thank them for their sympathy card - the receptionist told me that they could tell I was having a hard time with it - but that the last time I had boarded my dog there - each one had promised the other that they would let them know if THEIR dog ever got as bad as my dog. She assured me that my vet wasn't in the habit of putting down healthy animals just because their owner wished it. That he wouldn't have done it if he didn't think it was time.
So, I counsel you not to second guess yourself. Your decision was made out of love and, therefore, it was the right one.
On the other hand, I wonder if I did my last Cavalier King Charles spaniel a disservice by subjecting her to an invasive operation when she had a dislocated hip and the ball would not stay in the joint. She had a femoral head excision and an incision from hip to foot. She had a slow recovery and lived another two years pain free.
Yeah it's like we can't win sometimes. They can't talk! We have to make these decisions. After agonizing over putting my cat to sleep I realized that I should have probably done it sooner rather then put her through the hospital experience. The chance of a hail mary was so remote as to be ridiculous. But the hospital vet didn't know much about FIP, that that fever was not coming down if it was FIP fever, and believed she could save her. We do the best we can.
I will echo what others have said: you did the right thing. In fact, you probably left it a little late. Your dog was old for a large dog. Most large dogs do not live much past 10 or 11. That is their natural lifespan.
In my opinion, people who try to keep their dogs going past a reasonable age and health (some of the worst are the poor dogs who have cancer and are forced to go through chemo, etc.) are doing so for selfish reasons. They cannot bear to let their dogs die because they cannot face the pain and the loneliness that follow the dogs's deaths. I know; I once made that grievous error. I kept a beloved Lab going until he was 15.5 years old. That is ANCIENT for a large dog. Finally letting him go almost killed me. I literally did not eat for days and days. I lost 20 lbs. in two weeks. I was alone and had no one to help me through it. I had to do it on my own. I would not wish that on anyone. Years later, I still think of him and wish I had done so many things differently. I can never forgive myself. I should have let him go in peace by at least age 11. If he could have spoken, I think he would have asked to be let go, but at the time, I could not bear the thought of losing him. I was wrong. I bitterly regret my mistake.
Dogs come into our lives to teach us how to live and how to die. They live with dignity and in love if they are one of the lucky ones. We should always let them die with dignity and in love. I let my last girl go as soon as I saw that her pain medication was not giving her 100% relief. I hated doing it, but I loved her so much. I could not stop the cancer from killing her, but I could stop the cancer from making her suffer any more than absolutely necessary. The vet said, "we might be able to keep her going for a few more weeks." I said, no. She had no quality of life at that point. If I kept her going, it would have been out of selfishness, and that is not the way love works.
I am glad to say I did better this time. I did the right thing for her. I had the vet come to our home to euthanise her. She never had to pass under florescent lights on a icy cold metal table that smelt of disinfectant or a rock hard, cold floor in horrible pain and suffering. I sent her remains to be cremated, and then she came back to me. I shall always love her more than I could convey in mere words. She has been gone three years now, but I still miss her horribly. I shall always love and miss her. She was brilliant. I know I never deserved the wonderful animals that shared their lives with me, but I shall be forever grateful that they did share their lives with me. Whence it is time to let go, let go out of love and compassion for them.
Let go long before the pain and suffering ruin their quality of life. One day of unrelieved pain is one day too many.
Last edited by the_little_truth_writer; 08-30-2018 at 10:51 PM..
If you were in your dog's shoes, would you have wished someone would put you out of your misery? If so, then don't question what you did.
For some reason, humans think we need to die naturally, no matter the pain or suffering. I personally disagree with that. When it's my dog's time to go, I plan on sending her on her way before she has to suffer much pain. I'd rather someone did the same for me.
I'll grieve her terribly, but I'll treat her the way I'd want to be treated. It's not right for me to keep her aound for my own benefit. Same for people in my life.
I just really don't think any God that I'd be interested in, would deprive any being of a decent, kind way out to the next world.
If you were in your dog's shoes, would you have wished someone would put you out of your misery? If so, then don't question what you did.
For some reason, humans think we need to die naturally, no matter the pain or suffering. I personally disagree with that. When it's my dog's time to go, I plan on sending her on her way before she has to suffer much pain. I'd rather someone did the same for me.
I'll grieve her terribly, but I'll treat her the way I'd want to be treated. It's not right for me to keep her aound for my own benefit. Same for people in my life.
I just really don't think any God that I'd be interested in, would deprive any being of a decent, kind way out to the next world.
Agreed. Often it is religion that is the root cause for suffering. I have a friend whose father passed from testicular cancer. He said his father suffered horribly and both he and his father wanted him to be let go, but the doctors and the laws forced him to suffer. Why? The man was not going to beat the cancer. He was ready to go. His family was ready to let him go. It was positively cruel and indecent what the man and his family suffered. Personally, whence it is is my time, I would like to go to The Netherlands where I can die in with dignity.
Fortunately for our animals, they do not have to suffer and die ignoble deaths. We can do the just and humane thing by them and let them go peacefully with dignity and in love.
OP is not struggling with natural death vs PTS. OP is struggling with could they have done more? Were they wrong not to do the MRI? I say no they were not wrong. It's extremely unlikely the MRI (which would have cost 3-4K) would have led to an effective treatment for a dog of this age.
It's always extra super painful when money comes into the equation. We feel like crap for taking that into account, but it's reality for people who are not wealthy.
My cat would NOT have been able to get an MRI had I not had pet insurance. No way. I simply couldn't swing it. I think it wouldn't have made much of a difference. The Vet would have made an educated guess it was FIP and given the standard treatment, steroids, which in her case worked for as long as they could.
The MRI gave me PEACE OF MIND. To know for a FACT we were doing exactly right. It saved me and the Vet from trying this and that to hope it was anything except FIP that had a better prognosis, so it was worth it from that standpoint, but I would have had to live with some doubt lacking pet insurance.
And the pet insurance raised it's rates too high for me, so I will face this again probably, and we will do the best we can with what I have.
Over the last 30 years we've had to euthanize two dogs. The first lived to be almost 15 and admittedly, I hung on to him a little too long. Maybe it was wrong and maybe it was for selfish reasons, but it was tough to let go. I learned a lot from that.
The second one, a Boston Terrier, lived to be almost 12. He got sick and we did our best, but unlike the prior experience I did not want him to suffer and when it was time, it was time. It was not any easier, but I just kind of knew.
You can only use your best judgment when it comes to this kind of thing. It difficult to put your emotions aside and do what's best for the dog, but if you have done your best you shouldn't second-guess yourself.
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