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It sounds like you are correct. I trim nails on Saturdays. With 18 adult dogs - 8 are week old puppies - it takes me literally over an hour to grind them all down. And then there is the tooth brushing, bathing, brushing, medicating............. The list goes on and on.
Dog ownership isn't like cat ownership. Cats are quite self sufficient. You can even go on vacation a couple days and leave plenty food and water for them and only need someone to stop in once a day to make sure they are fine.
Dogs - especially the larger breeds - need lots of work. They aren't for lazy people. Aside from everything else, they need training, something that it sounds like your SO has been sorely lacking with his K9 friend.
Thank you so much for your insights. They make sense. I will speak to him.
Honestly I think you are being extremely selfish! How would feel if you could not have your cats but hubby had dog!
I would be upset just like he is but I would do everything to ensure that my cats weren't a burden if allowed in his home ie. he'd never have to lift a finger to do anything for them, as I do now.
I think the point - what this all boils down to - is she takes proper care of her pets. He obviously does not. The dog needs proper grooming, training, etc. that he's not received. It's not fair that she has been responsible with her pets and he's been lazy with his. It's the same as a couple that has children from a previous marriage move in together and combine their families. What happens when one has done the hard work of properly raising them and the other has allowed theirs to be evil rotten spoiled monsters? That's not fair. The lazy 'parent' needs to get off their butt and line out their kids.
I think selfish would be if she'd said she refused to give the dog or the SO a chance. That would be selfish. She is concerned for the dog as well as her own pets. And it sounds like she's willing to work this through. It's not like she told him to go dump his dog in a shelter.
The fact is, the loser in all this, is the dog. And that's really sad.
So how to deal with this in the future? Obviously, my fiance adores the dog and he's here to stay. But I doubt his mom will be able to properly care for him and we could be a good year before we get a bigger place.
At this point, I don't wanna live with a large dog if its going to interrupt my homelife this much. Can anyone relate? Ever been here? Thoughts?
Maybe it is too soon for you to move in with this man. It's not going to get any better, so you need to have a serious talk with him about the dog. He clearly loves that dog. It's like him asking you to give up your cats.
You want him to give up the dog? What is the next thing you want him to give up? Not a good sign.
I sympathize with you and this problem. It is clear that your place is way too small for a large dog like that. Your options are really to have his mother keep the dog until you get a bigger place, or he will need to look for an appropriate home for the dog. Large dogs must have space! Even walks won't make up for being confined in a tiny apartment. That size of place would be tough even for a chihuahua, let alone a big German Shepherd. Your SO seems oblivious to the issues here, and the fact it is very unfair to the dog! More training and all is also necessary, but until the poor thing has room to breathe, I don't know that it will help. Good luck.
miss crabcakes -- i have a question for you...or, rather, maybe it's a thought...even if you buy or rent a larger house, it doesn't seem as if the issues with the dog will change. all dogs require a certain amount of care, most of them pretty close to what you have described.
they require regular grooming, and tooth brushing, and nail trimming, and walks; and patience with their fears, and dedication to training them...and a surprising amount of them WILL follow you around the house as if they are super-glued to you, including into the bathroom. they are pack animals, and this is just the nature of the beast.
you're getting a bigger house doesn't change any of that, and even if your boyfriend, who is not handling things the way you want, jumped in and took over all the maintenance, most of that STILL wouldn't change.
now, i'm not faulting you, because it sounds like you are just not a dog person, and some people aren't...BUT...if you're not a dog person but you are engaged to a dog person and you now have a dog living in your house...don't you have to bend a little to make the relationship work?
i understand the other poster saying your boyfriend needs to fall in line and become a better parent, so to speak.
but, doesn't that work two ways? instead of looking at it like he has to get his problem children whipped into shape (which, btw, i don't think this dog is doing anything that qualifies him as a "problem child"), shouldn't you want to help his fur-child acclimate? wouldn't you want him to do that for your kitties if they were having a hard time at his house? wouldn't you be upset if were disgusted by the animals that you love?
again, i am not judging you. sometimes people don't like dogs, and that is fine. i am just baffled a little...
miss crabcakes -- i have a question for you...or, rather, maybe it's a thought......don't you have to bend a little to make the relationship work?
I feel like I am. I walk him whenever needed. I've moved furniture to accomodate him. I clean up afer his spills and furballs, including vacuuming, I give him affection, rubbing his belly and petting him and try to work with him when the cats are visible, speaking to them both gently so they know everyone is safe. I've even allowed a nightlight on at night, the blinds cracked during the day and have made room for his food and toys.
I'm not sure what more I should do. Granted, I know I'm more annoyed cause I'm out of work and home with him most of the day but it feels like a lot to deal right now and given our circumstances.
I think this can work if your SO is willing to step up to the plate. The dog can be trained. And an apartment, even a small one, is fine for a large dog. I had a 182 pound mastiff is a small apartment with no problems. Just because they are large doesn't mean they need a huge home and massive yard. That's a very common misconception.
What they do need is rules and training so they know what those rules are. They need proper care.
I think a bit of it is that you're suddenly stuck with a dog in your home and you're not used to it. This is just growing pains. Even moving someone else's children in your home is difficult, even if they are well behaved. Just like adding a new dog to a pack, the pack order needs to be sorted out.
This can work. Sit down and talk. Decide who has what chore to do to care for him. And I don't think he's cat aggressive. I've seen cat aggressive dogs. A baby gate won't keep them from eating a cat. I think he's never seen one and is excited. He'll need to learn what is proper ways to play and what isn't. I've had many dogs - most recently a 9 month old female pittie - learn the boundaries with cats after never having seen one in their life.
As for the problem behaviors, the pacing and crying, following her around, and any over interest in the cats are all unacceptable behaviors. That's where the work needs to start. That and SO picking up a tooth brush and hair brush for the poor guy! And you'd be surprised what 20 minutes of basic obedience a day will do for a dog. It stimulates their brain and that tends to wear them out more than an hour walk!
I think this can work if your SO is willing to step up to the plate. The dog can be trained. And an apartment, even a small one, is fine for a large dog. I had a 182 pound mastiff is a small apartment with no problems. Just because they are large doesn't mean they need a huge home and massive yard. That's a very common misconception.
What they do need is rules and training so they know what those rules are. They need proper care.
I think a bit of it is that you're suddenly stuck with a dog in your home and you're not used to it. This is just growing pains. Even moving someone else's children in your home is difficult, even if they are well behaved. Just like adding a new dog to a pack, the pack order needs to be sorted out.
This can work. Sit down and talk. Decide who has what chore to do to care for him. And I don't think he's cat aggressive. I've seen cat aggressive dogs. A baby gate won't keep them from eating a cat. I think he's never seen one and is excited. He'll need to learn what is proper ways to play and what isn't. I've had many dogs - most recently a 9 month old female pittie - learn the boundaries with cats after never having seen one in their life.
As for the problem behaviors, the pacing and crying, following her around, and any over interest in the cats are all unacceptable behaviors. That's where the work needs to start. That and SO picking up a tooth brush and hair brush for the poor guy! And you'd be surprised what 20 minutes of basic obedience a day will do for a dog. It stimulates their brain and that tends to wear them out more than an hour walk!
Thank you!!! I do feel like you understand and make some good points. And I don't think he's cat-aggressive either. He's lived with 2 before and besides some occasional barking and running to the gate, I don't think he'd harm them. The cats however, have never seen a dog before so its a big adjustment for him.
I spoke with my fiance earlier and we're going to talk more about it later. I do think under better circumstances, this will improve.
Thank you again!
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