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I don't know how to get a handle on this lately. I have a 10.5 yr old beautiful golden retriever who I got at 9 wks old (and I waited yrs to get my own golden). I love her so much it hurts sometimes.
And she's getting older. It's like there's this giant clock ticking and I am increasingly aware that time is moving fast and I only have limited time with her.
Over the past couple of years I've started doing what I call "pre-grieving," where I get a bit morose and weepy occasionally when I am reminded that my time with my golden is limited. And now that she's 10+ I find it happening even more.
I keep telling myself that we'll always be 'together' even when she's physically no longer here and that my only job is to love her as fully as I can, give her the best life I possibly can, enjoy her, treasure whatever time we have together, and 'return' her gratefully back to God at the end of her life, whenever that is (and hopefully not for several more years).
But still...
I can't be the only one who does this pre-grieving thing. Perhaps it's because I'm not married and don't have children and my dog is my family AND this is my first dog of my own?
My doggie is 8 months and I sometimes do it, thinking we'll have about 10-14 years together which is a long way off from now but I can't help it. I'm married with no kids. You are not alone. Hugs!
I can't be the only one who does this pre-grieving thing. Perhaps it's because I'm not married and don't have children and my dog is my family AND this is my first dog of my own?
Anyone else experience this?
You aren't the only one.....I've had dogs in my life since I was born....(knocking on 50 years) and I still find myself easily drawn into pre-grieving....then I smack myself and remind myself that I am stealing moments from my time with them RIGHT NOW....by wondering about life when I lose them.....and for what it's worth - I am married, have two sons, a grandson, multiple dogs, lots of extended family - and I do this....I think it's a normal part of loving and sharing our lives with dogs.....just don't do too much of it - where you are missing special time with your gal, pondering days not yet here!
yep .... i do it on occasion myself..... twice divorced and no human children... bailey and max and charlie are only 5 y/o and dave is only about 15 months old.... but still, hard not to project sometimes..... and at my age (also knocking on 50... and it's answering) .... i have to wonder about getting others to fill that awful hole in my life......
Yeah, it's a slippery slope indeed. All I have to do is think about it and my eyes well up (like right now...while I'm sitting at work! ARGH). I tell my dog at least twice a day how much I love her and how grateful I am that she's in my life. Maybe it's perimenopause... Then I usually think that if I were an actress and had to do a crying scene I could do it in a snap...just thinking of my dog and ... well...yeah.
I heard someone say once (in the presence of a little golden puppy), "Now there's the biggest joy AND the biggest heartbreak all in one furry package!"
And I nodded because I understood only too well what they meant when they said that.
We all (well those of you with kids) celebrate every year passing because of course kids grow up and become independent and go on to have their own lives (hopefully).
But time passing for an animal owner is different. Each year only brings us closer to the inevitable and it's just so damn hard when you fall in love with these creatures and you can't help but fall in love. (And I too am knocking close to 50).
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I'm married (no kids) and it doesn't make one bit of difference.
I have the same thoughts as you do, all too frequently.
In fact, even BEFORE we got Artie, I thought, "I'm not sure that I want a dog. I know that I'm going to outlive him and I don't know how I'm going to deal with that sort of hurt."
But then I decided that I was shortchanging myself -- and whatever dog I adopted -- from the love that we'd give each other for whatever number of years we WOULD have together.
Sometimes (again, too often), I look at Artie and think, "What am I going to do without you, buddy?"
I adopted him when he was three years old. He's six now. I'm terrified of "THAT day" but I have to concentrate on the stretch of time we have in front of us... together.
And I don't think that having a husband (or kids) is going to make that day (or the following days, months, years) any easier to bear.
So, do what we KNOW we should -- focus on today. And tomorrow. And next week. And the time we DO have with our dogs. And all that joy. And then -- when the time comes -- we'll focus on the GOOD memories.
The other thing I remind myself is that my golden was born and was going to have a life and live as long as she was going to, even if I never met her. So our paths are intertwined and I concentrate on that. I didn't create her life, she was going to be here regardless, and I am her loyal servant (believe me, she acts like she's the Queen of England).
(And I also tell myself that because my parents are elderly and I have no siblings, and no extended family, the emotions are probably all jumbled together with the reality of future/impending loss. And while I'm sure that's part of it too, to be perfectly honest, I love my dog more than anyone else. Yes, really.)
I think every one does it. Maybe helps to prepare for that dreaded day and all the hurt that comes with it. All I can say is cherish each day you have with your girl and focus on specific things you can later pull up in your memory to remind you. BTW - having a husband and kids does nothing to ease the pain but it does help to have someone you can share it with.
You are not alone in thinking about this. My baby (golden, lab mix) is over 15 years old and in that stage straddling falling apart and still having a blast. I often think of how life will be without her. Our other dog died over a year ago and I still miss him almost daily.
We may get snow this weekend, which is always a big treat for her. I find I am trying harder to make sure she gets to enjoy her favorite things.
Yes, I do it. My boy is 8 years old and completely healthy (except for a few odd issues like nasal mites). We just had his annual checkup and yearly vaccines at the beginning of the week, and he's in great shape.
But every once in a while, I think about the fact that he's 8 -- holy moly! when did that happen! -- and that I don't have as many years left with him as I'd like. Then I get weepy. Happened to me last week on the drive into work.
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