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I'm so glad that I found this thread. Reading everyone's posts today has made me feel like I'm not alone.
My 6 year old staffordshire bull terrier, Bruno, was just diagnosed with lymphoma. He is my baby, and he is very young and not ready to let go yet - neither am I. Although we are fighting the cancer with chemotherapy, the "cancer diet", and and a boat load of holistic supplements, I still feel like I'm unable to handle the fact that this is the beginning of the end. I feel like it's consuming me. I can't stop thinking about it - not when I'm at work, supposed to be sleeping, or even making love to my husband. I can't even stop crying. I also have another dog, Brady, a 7 year old pit bull mix, who I have been per-grieving about since his muzzle went white about 2 years ago. He's my absolute best friend and the day that his end comes will probably be the end of my mentally balanced frame of mind. I literally do not know how I will function without these two dogs. Maybe I've allowed myself to become WAY too attached, I don't know. I couldn't help it though. They're my best friends.
Everyone keeps telling me that I need to savor the moments now, but I can't seem to pull myself together enough to enjoy anything. I literally feel like my heart is broken. I don't know what to do. Has anyone else felt like this?
I think we have all felt like you'[re feeling at one time or another. I got like that over my parents, too, and even myself. When I was 29, I worried constantly about turning 30 and getting old. Ha, I'm wayyy older than that now and not worried about me. But the dogs, I have worried so much about them, and my mind wanders and it projects and I would envision those last moments. Then I would tear up and begin to sob -- and I was doing this when they were still young.
Years later, I discovered I had an anxiety disorder. I'm not saying you do, but I did, and once I was on medication, I was able to settle my feelings and bring myself back down to earth. The racing and depressing thoughts are gone, and thank God for that, because we lost our two dogs within two months of each other at the end of last year. And even while our Hallie was in ICU, an extremely sick little girl, I was as upbeat as could be expected, and I never fell apart until after she died. But that's normal. Obsessing about it beforehand isn't. That really does steal the time you have with them, and they do pick up on how you're feeling.
A good friend of mine says about dogs, "They break our hearts every day, and we wouldn't have it any other day". After we lost Jimmy and Hallie, I realized that all the pain I felt was SO worth the joy they brought to our home for so many years. Both dogs showed their ages, Jim with arthritis and Hallie with loads of graying hair. I would look at them and not think of how we used to play and run, but how much I loved them the way they were at each and every moment. We never gave up on them, emotionally or physically. We kept any worries we had in the back of our minds and did our level best to enjoy each second we had with them.
You don't have a choice. You have to stop the obsessive thoughts one way or another. It's unhealthy for you and for your dogs. Yoga, meditation, a change of diet, medication, fresh air, these things all can help, but the bottom line is, you need to decide to take control of your thoughts because they are making you miserable and not extending the lives of your dogs by one minute.
I know. Easier said than done. I wish you peace with this.
I don't know how to get a handle on this lately. I have a 10.5 yr old beautiful golden retriever who I got at 9 wks old (and I waited yrs to get my own golden). I love her so much it hurts sometimes.
And she's getting older. It's like there's this giant clock ticking and I am increasingly aware that time is moving fast and I only have limited time with her.
Over the past couple of years I've started doing what I call "pre-grieving," where I get a bit morose and weepy occasionally when I am reminded that my time with my golden is limited. And now that she's 10+ I find it happening even more.
I keep telling myself that we'll always be 'together' even when she's physically no longer here and that my only job is to love her as fully as I can, give her the best life I possibly can, enjoy her, treasure whatever time we have together, and 'return' her gratefully back to God at the end of her life, whenever that is (and hopefully not for several more years).
But still...
I can't be the only one who does this pre-grieving thing. Perhaps it's because I'm not married and don't have children and my dog is my family AND this is my first dog of my own?
Anyone else experience this?
I did for the last 2-3 years and I am sad to say at 4:30 today he will be at peace at 15 years old.
I did for the last 2-3 years and I am sad to say at 4:30 today he will be at peace at 15 years old.
I'm so sorry. My sweet girl of 13 passed last night. We are never ready for it and I, too, wasted to much time pre-grieving. Our babies do live in the moment and are such a reminder to make the most of every
day.
I did this with my MinPin. I think when she was about 6 months, I realized I'd fallen in love with my first dog, and then knew how her death would tear me apart. She lived to be almost 13, but I "pre-grieved" a lot in the last couple years, and the last week was absolute hell. (She had arthritis and diabetes and at the end, we found out she had cancer). The last 4 nights I barely slept because she had to go out to pee every hour (we were hoping medication to shrink her tumors would kick in) and just seeing her go downhill so fast was horrible.
I believe her final lesson for me was to teach me to deal with death, because I hadn't had to deal with it up to this point in my life. 7 months later, I'm still dealing with it, but I can see how things get better.
But if you're "pre-grieving" way before the end, you have to stop those thoughts. Enjoy your dog while he/she's living and ok. Oddly, I know it's easier said than done, but those thoughts are not productive.
I think we have all felt like you'[re feeling at one time or another. I got like that over my parents, too, and even myself. When I was 29, I worried constantly about turning 30 and getting old. Ha, I'm wayyy older than that now and not worried about me. But the dogs, I have worried so much about them, and my mind wanders and it projects and I would envision those last moments. Then I would tear up and begin to sob -- and I was doing this when they were still young.
Years later, I discovered I had an anxiety disorder. I'm not saying you do, but I did, and once I was on medication, I was able to settle my feelings and bring myself back down to earth. The racing and depressing thoughts are gone, and thank God for that, because we lost our two dogs within two months of each other at the end of last year. And even while our Hallie was in ICU, an extremely sick little girl, I was as upbeat as could be expected, and I never fell apart until after she died. But that's normal. Obsessing about it beforehand isn't. That really does steal the time you have with them, and they do pick up on how you're feeling.
A good friend of mine says about dogs, "They break our hearts every day, and we wouldn't have it any other day". After we lost Jimmy and Hallie, I realized that all the pain I felt was SO worth the joy they brought to our home for so many years. Both dogs showed their ages, Jim with arthritis and Hallie with loads of graying hair. I would look at them and not think of how we used to play and run, but how much I loved them the way they were at each and every moment. We never gave up on them, emotionally or physically. We kept any worries we had in the back of our minds and did our level best to enjoy each second we had with them.
You don't have a choice. You have to stop the obsessive thoughts one way or another. It's unhealthy for you and for your dogs. Yoga, meditation, a change of diet, medication, fresh air, these things all can help, but the bottom line is, you need to decide to take control of your thoughts because they are making you miserable and not extending the lives of your dogs by one minute.
I know. Easier said than done. I wish you peace with this.
I love that quote, Tina. You're so right, I need to pick myself out of this. It's sooo hard. But they've done so much for me that the least I can do is be there fully during the last phases of their lives. Thank you
My condolences to all who have lost their beloved pets. This coming July (2013) will be 3 yrs since I lost my golden. I'm also the original poster who started this thread. Turns out I was sensing the slide towards the end and didn't realize it--6 months after I wrote that first post I had to let my girl go. She had cancer at the time of my writing that first post, but I didn't know it yet and wouldn't for another 3 months as she showed no symptoms until she finally did and she was gone 3 months after that, even with chemo.
I know now to trust my intuition; if I'm having this kind of reaction I've learned it's for a reason...and the reason is something is wrong and I'm getting an early warning gut feeling that is creating the despair. It may not be anything I can control or fix, but when I look back to how sad I was, something inside of me knew.
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