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No they are not. No one forces anyone to throw a huge party where guests have unlimited liquor to drink and gourmet meals. No one forces anyone to buy a $2000 dress or spend thousands on flowers.
what makes it tough is all the kids go to their friends weddings at a certain point which can be weekly and they want nothing less than what everyone else does.
quite frankly if i ever suggested we hold a party in our back yard the kids would be mortified.
Bridal shows are produced to be entertainment for those who would be inclined to watch such. They're not reality, so don't take them as such.
I DJed dozens of weddings over a period of several years and I can tell you the reality. The reality is that most people spend around $5,000 on a wedding, and very few go above $10,000. The largest cost is for the venue - usually that's a four-figure sum of money. With an average attendance of 100, food might cost $1,000 (usually they do buffet style, and even if it is a plated meal, the cost won't reach twice what it is for a buffet). I never got more than $650 to DJ anyone's wedding, and the average amount I'd be able to get was $450. (The Craigslist DJs charged half that amount and though I can talk some people into paying twice what a moonlighter charges for his "DJ services", the vast majority of those I talked with preferred hiring the cheap DJs regardless of quality. I knew a guy who ran a DJ service where they charged $250 for a four hour reception. He once asked me if I'd do one of his gigs because he had FIVE GIGS booked on on Saturday evening and only four available DJs. Not for the $200 you'd pay me, bucko!)
Most brides will buy a dress at David's Bridal or another similar store, for around $200-300. Most will ride off into the sunset using their own vehicle or the vehicle of someone else they know - less than half will hire a limo.
Though there will always be the one-percenters who can afford to spend nauseating sums of money on weddings, most people are sane about how much they spend. Heck, my wife and I eloped... neither we nor our families spent one red cent on our wedding (except for the cost of the gas we used driving to the church)... and we're still happily married, over three years later. There's no point to a big wedding. It sure doesn't increase the likelihood that the marriage will last.
May I ask what city/area you DJ? I've been in the hotel business for twenty years and I've never heard of a reception that cheap. I also consulted as an event planner and F&B, bar, site charges averaged out to about $100 per person including taxes and gratuities.
$250 for a DJ? The ones I used all started about $300 per hour and this was in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina general area.
A wedding costs only as much as those spending the money are willing to pay, not one cent more.
Pressure is only what you accept. Learn to say "no" and don't worry about what everyone else wants, demands or say they need and things get much easier.
Spending money is a choice in almost all cases. Some people can control themselves, others cannot.
May I ask what city/area you DJ? I've been in the hotel business for twenty years and I've never heard of a reception that cheap. I also consulted as an event planner and F&B, bar, site charges averaged out to about $100 per person including taxes and gratuities.
$250 for a DJ? The ones I used all started about $300 per hour and this was in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina general area.
Killeen, Texas.
Myrtle Beach, though I know nothing about it, is a city name I have heard many times before. It conjures up thoughts of being a vacation town on the oceanfront. A quick check on Mapquest shows this to be extremely likely. According to City-Data, the average home price is approximately 50% higher than in Killeen, the average household income is approximately 17% lower, and the crime rate is VERY high. This means that the business that a DJ is likely to get in Myrtle Beach is not from Myrtle Beach residents. Rather, it's likely to be from "destination wedding" customers, whether they be local or from far away, who want a beachfront wedding.
Having lived in coastal New Jersey, I know how this works.
In the Killeen area, I saw the following figures:
-$3,995 for an "all inclusive" wedding at the Hilton Garden Inn, including flowers, DJ, photographer, videographer, hall, decor, and food for 100 people. (I don't know if it included a minister, but they only cost $200 on Craigslist.)
-$1,200 for hall rental at a wedding venue (fire halls could go for $200 - $300)
-$150 for a DJ for a four hour wedding reception (many a time I was told "I got a quote for $150 for a four hour reception, can you beat that?"... and most of the time they wouldn't listen to anything I said about how that cheapie DJ would likely louse up the entire wedding. All they cared about was price.)
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Yeah, you can do a very nice wedding for under $3,000 (including catered).
Ours was under $500 (35 yrs ago). We did the flowers, made the gowns and cake, homemade Ice Cream, and mints and bought the main dish and salads for reception. Helped our friends serve, even did the dishes... just the stuff we needed to do to make it work. (Our parents were of ZERO help and interest), About 350 relatives and friends showed up, so we had a great time. We started a music group for the reception entertainment and they just had their 35th anniversary concert CD made! And a good time was had by all.
A wedding is a good time, but a bit late to learn about finances...
I have never seen a Wedding show... do you have to have a TV for that? (Never had a need for one of those either..)
Besides being less expensive, I think weddings can be even more fun when friends pitch in.
When one of my good friends married, she had a day-long party at her parents' house the day before the ceremony. People came and went all day, with about a dozen of us there for the whole day. We baked cookies and other sweet treats(for the dessert bar), put together the wedding programs and the centerpieces, and distracted the mother-of-the-bride with my baby It was a day of laughter and joy, and almost as much fun as the wedding reception.
This type of day fit this type of couple - the ones who enjoy hosting day-long, low-key, backyard barbecues, who volunteer to help their friends with renovation projects and then recruit those same friends to help out later.
Others of my friends are more formal. I suspect they spent a great deal more on their weddings, but as long as their weddings reflected who they were, it's all good.
My take on wedding costs is if you are a very traditional large family that INSISTS and I mean absolutely insists on going up on wedding grandiosity....
Then if couple wants that, and there's no strings attached....accept. Or would you not?....I see rare families where bride or groom family will say "we planned for this day...we have $180,000 reserve waiting ...we got the whole thing don't you worry a smidge.
In contrast, if your family isn't this way, is not in great financial shape, or is not insanely involved in covering the wedding "which is the American way if the 2000s"...everyone puts something in....
Then you have to be off your head to throw your hard earned money on the wedding and then suffer financially in marriage
The difficulty here is enormous level of undue influence involved. You can have quarrels that ruin entire relationships over who is paying what, and then the one who is paying the load wants to make the wedding decisions and it may not be the couple....
The extreme are the royal weddings in the palace in England where it's on the royalty tab and traditionally, the marriages were arranged
IMO it's just insane to spend $180,000 on a wedding, even if one had it to spend (I wouldn't). I think the craze to spend that much is at least in part fostered by the "keep up with the Jones" mentality, as well as the lemming mentality of so many in the population that look to the entertainment industry as the source of the "latest and greatest" must-do's instead of looking at a more modest and personal celebration of a special day. That mentality, fostered by the entertainment industry, also attempts to tie in that "doing what's in", regardless of costs, to the individuals' self worth and image, and it's just too bad that so many fall for that.
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It was a day of laughter and joy, and almost as much fun as the wedding reception.
