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These days, usually the "pregnant woman" has a career and often make more money than the father. She's perfectly capable of supporting herself and often this is one of the reasons they aren't married - because she is doing just fine financially. Splitting things in half in case of divorce doesn't mean she's making off with half of the ex-husbands stuff. Maybe 30 years ago, but it's pretty rare these days.
I don't know where you are living but that is not the case with the vast majority of unwed mothers.
I took everything into consideration which includes housing with a yard for kids to play, summer camps, family vacations and weekend getaways, and at the very least - help with college.
I live in the Washington, DC area where it is very expensive to live. Maybe rural areas I'd drop it to 75K combined gross income.
Too many adults have children that can't afford it. It makes no sense to struggle and not give children a proper childhood. Life is tough enough as it is. Personally I do not think it's worth it.
Strongly disagree on the "very very comfortable life" part.
A "proper childhood?" Life IS tough enough, you're right, so I don't see how giving them unrealistic expectations of their own futures will make that any easier. Varying degrees of struggle build character. Butt powdering doesn't.
That's where social welfare comes in. Women are in a position to go about it alone more than ever in American history.
And for many of these women it seems like a child is a fancy accessory - similar to the little dog Paris Hilton used to carry around. Yeah, getting a husband may be nice, but obviously that's not a huge deal (or else they wouldn't be allowing men that aren't their husband to inseminate them). This may sound overly critical of the women, but heck, pills, IUDs, implants and condoms are easily obtained.
Pretty much in the same boat as you.
That and I feel like I'm one of the few that can go against the grain and control their desire to seek out a partner and procreate.
Many people and myself included usually hear all the jokes being kicked around in regards to abstinence, virginity, birth control and such.
But then at the same time we look at all those people who make fun of those who go those routes and think they're just finding some easy targets to rip on due to those types having a stressful home and work life due to little money and too many kids.
Even worse off for them when they decided to get with pretty girl or guy who had nothing but looks going for them.
I say just leave them in the dust and concentrate on our own destinies for "hitting it big".
Lifestyles have largely diversified in the USA. People have become much more independent and independence minded. There is a broader economic transformation at the core of all this. The days of working for one employer, living in one town, forming a community are gone. People move around, change jobs, and live apart from one another. This is the contemporary world.
There is also a cultural change. Being single as a woman is much more accepted today. This makes it possible for straight men to remain single at various age brackets. Gays and lesbians have been single or unmarried for a long time. All this is part of the broader trend of relationship patterns diverging. Economic difficulty is a major reason people think twice about forming a family. Generation Y are hesitant primarily because of economic difficulties.
On a deeper level, marriage and family were ubiquitous because people didn't and couldn't make a decision not to. Those people who didn't want to always existed, but they complied with social expectations. Today they have come out of the closet. These are all choices you make, decisions you contemplate, and risks you take. Different people do it differently. You can have a fulfilling relationship without children and without marriage. You can have a fulfilling life without a partner. Bookstores are full of books on how living single is wonderful.
This is the Eat Pray Love generation. I have acquiantances who want to do rock climbing around the world and place their hobbies on top of seeking a relationship. They have plenty of fiends, often make decent money, and enjoy Sunday brunches tremendously. Social rituals like marriage are rhetoric that was used to create conformity, to regulate genders, and to make ordinary people preoccupied. For ages, ruling elites feared that a population not busy with stuff would be more inclined to challenge authority and power. Instead, a population preoccupied with stuff have to think very carefully before taking risky actions, as they would have lots to lose. This has been a way for religious theocracies to survive and thrive. It has also been a way for capitalism to hold firm.
The vast majority of a population in most countries are busy and tired after a whole day of work, being yelled at by bosses, and attending to their kids. They are also paying for mortgages, child and family related expenses, saving for kids college, etc. there is no end to this. Ruling class want people to walk into this kind of life in their early twenties, immediately preoccupy them for twenty years, and then these people are in their late 40s. They have a bad back, pain, chronic illness, salt and pepper hair, lack of skills or education, unsatisfied financial life, and sexual life that sucks. But the job is not done yet. You better be running scared. Maybe your kids are going to college. But don't you want to retire securely someday? Don't you want to finally own that car or house or take that vacation you have been waiting for decades? You are forever begging your employer to not fire you, begging your ruling class to not injure you, begging your bank to not foreclose you, begging your insurance company to not forget you. You are always begging. You feel always behind your goals. You feel timid to speak up. You don't have freedom.
Last edited by Costaexpress; 07-12-2014 at 07:11 PM..
the ones who are "poor" - do you have a cellphone/plan or a monthly tv/internet contract? You are poor because you are not making wise decisions. Self-restraint, instant gratification, etc.
I'm sure people will make sure to live under a rock, or in some shanty as well. Should they cut their water off too, and wash their rags in the streams? Most poor people I know have the cells in lieu of a land line. It isn't exactly a status symbol anymore to have a cell.
A "proper childhood?" Life IS tough enough, you're right, so I don't see how giving them unrealistic expectations of their own futures will make that any easier. Varying degrees of struggle build character. Butt powdering doesn't.
Utter nonsense on the last part as that's it's okay to struggle.
Proper childhood is regarding my own experience and that is parents should not be arguing or show signs of stress in front of the children over money issues. Don't bring children into this world if that is going to be the case.
Bolded - Do you see now?
It has nothing to do with "unrealistic expectations" so wrong on that account as well.
Last edited by John13; 07-13-2014 at 08:30 AM..
Reason: adding...
Why wait until 30s? If you don't dawdle and if you have reasonably supportive parents, you can get a 4-year degree at age 22 and have at least a semi-stable career by age 24 or 25.
Of course, if you do dawdle either by switching majors 3 times and taking 2 extra years to finish school, by partying too much and not focusing on school/work, if your parents make enough to disqualify you from grants but refuse to chip in and make you work 40 hours a week while in college, or if you dawdle by taking a year off to travel, then that's another story. Of course, for those getting graduate/professional degrees it's also different.
.
You are operating under the assumption that the job market is decent. I graduated in 2010 at 24. It took four years and five jobs before I landed my sixth, and first professional, job at 28. Had I graduated at 22, I honestly don't think it would have matter a bit.
People have become much more independent and independence minded
I think this is mostly BS. If people were so darn independence minded, they wouldn't spend their whole lives working jobs they don't really like spending money on stuff they don't really need. People aren't really interested in thinking for themselves.....they just go along with whatever they see people around them doing.
I think this is mostly BS. If people were so darn independence minded, they wouldn't spend their whole lives working jobs they don't really like spending money on stuff they don't really need. People aren't really interested in thinking for themselves.....they just go along with whatever they see people around them doing.
That's not what I meant. People today want less to do with other people. They want to go alone. They say that they are set in their ways and unless someone very compatible comes along, ehh they are fine just living alone. This seems especially true among many of my yuppie friends. They make decent money and spend it on themselves and their hobbies. They keep lots of the service sector businesses going.
There is also a cultural element to this community. Many believe that the planet is already overpopulated. They are also pessimistic about America's future.
In your late 20s and early 30s, you have seen a variety of good and bad human beings. You have learned to trust and not trust. You are going at it not as an innocent college grad, but as someone who is retirement-minded, financially savvy, and risk-aware. I'm not saying this is right or wrong. Just a phenomenon. This is partially why our cities have expensive rental apartments that fill so fast. These are some of the most talented people.
This generation want comfort. The well paid ones also want some amazing excitement frequently. They don't want to go through hardship much. Or they want out of the rat race. They don't necessarily want luxury, but they want to live life their way and not have to put up with the BS, abuses, negotiations, compromises, only to find themselves cheated on, fooled, taken advantage of. They are not going to do it anymore.
Last edited by Costaexpress; 07-13-2014 at 07:25 PM..
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