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As I replied to a thread in the Personal Finance forum asking whether or not finances get better for a family with children, having children made us work harder.
We are doing very well, but we work pretty hard, too. We both have very good jobs, but we worked to become good, no, great at what we do, so now lots of doors are open to us. We also had kids very early, and even though we struggled a little in our late 20s (4 people, 50K on 1.5 income - I worked part-time until the youngest was 4), we are pretty comfortable now on two senior IT professionals salaries. We started as immigrants with $1,500 in borrowed money almost 14 years ago, and worked our way up to upper middle class. We just wanted our kids to have the brightest future.
My advice is not to spoil your kids. They don't need iPads, expensive clothes or toys. One thing I don't feel guilty spending my money on is education for them. When circumstances commanded, we sent our child to private school for two years. Hired a good piano teacher for another one, because he was (and is) showing a lot of interest in music. But they wore hand-me-down clothes often, we never bought them expensive electronic gadgets, and somehow, they got this idea in their head that they need to work and earn money. My older one has been earning money by doing odd jobs for neighbors since he was 13. He bought himself a computer and a smartphone with that money (I'm paying his portion of the family plan, though). He never got an allowance or spending money, whenever he goes out with friends he spends whatever he earns.
His brother is 10 and is constantly bugging me about when he can start mowing lawns for neighbors. We also taught them to do an outstanding job when working for hire, so that people want to hire them again and again.
Parenting is not 20-22 years of endless sacrifice, if you approach it correctly. Kids are fully capable of helping with house chores at 7 years old or so. Ours started helping with laundry around that age. Both started vacuuming at 7 or 8. Both could cook a simple meal starting at 9 or 10 (boil spaghetti, peel vegetables).
Most of all, your kids are your best companions. At least, mine are . My older one has this quirky sense of humor, he makes me laugh all the time. My younger one is very insightful and deep, it's very refreshing, although, scary sometimes. It's priceless.
Very good post - especially your last paragraph. There are a number of milestones where certain things just get easier. There are many - like getting rid of diapers. Or sleeping. Or getting rid of car seats. When they can stay at home by themselves. And of course when they start driving (good and bad parts of that).
Lots of people on C-D complain about what other people do. If you have kids - you can teach them how to behave, how to treat people, and how to take care of themselves.
As I replied to a thread in the Personal Finance forum asking whether or not finances get better for a family with children, having children made us work harder.
We are doing very well, but we work pretty hard, too. We both have very good jobs, but we worked to become good, no, great at what we do, so now lots of doors are open to us. We also had kids very early, and even though we struggled a little in our late 20s (4 people, 50K on 1.5 income - I worked part-time until the youngest was 4), we are pretty comfortable now on two senior IT professionals salaries. We started as immigrants with $1,500 in borrowed money almost 14 years ago, and worked our way up to upper middle class. We just wanted our kids to have the brightest future.
My advice is not to spoil your kids. They don't need iPads, expensive clothes or toys. One thing I don't feel guilty spending my money on is education for them. When circumstances commanded, we sent our child to private school for two years. Hired a good piano teacher for another one, because he was (and is) showing a lot of interest in music. But they wore hand-me-down clothes often, we never bought them expensive electronic gadgets, and somehow, they got this idea in their head that they need to work and earn money. My older one has been earning money by doing odd jobs for neighbors since he was 13. He bought himself a computer and a smartphone with that money (I'm paying his portion of the family plan, though). He never got an allowance or spending money, whenever he goes out with friends he spends whatever he earns.
His brother is 10 and is constantly bugging me about when he can start mowing lawns for neighbors. We also taught them to do an outstanding job when working for hire, so that people want to hire them again and again.
Parenting is not 20-22 years of endless sacrifice, if you approach it correctly. Kids are fully capable of helping with house chores at 7 years old or so. Ours started helping with laundry around that age. Both started vacuuming at 7 or 8. Both could cook a simple meal starting at 9 or 10 (boil spaghetti, peel vegetables).
Most of all, your kids are your best companions. At least, mine are . My older one has this quirky sense of humor, he makes me laugh all the time. My younger one is very insightful and deep, it's very refreshing, although, scary sometimes. It's priceless.
I enjoyed your post! Especially the part where children make good companions. This is something a lot of our child-free friends don't get. Even at 2.5 years old, my daughter interacts well with me and we have a good time together.
Very rich people have a lot of kids. Elon Musk has five kids, i think. It's often surprising to see CEOs and hollywood type people with 3 kids from one marriage, 2 from another, another 2 from another, etc. Men fathering kids in their 50s. Poor people tend to also have a lot of kids. With these trends, US demographics are going to end up looking more like feudal europe, but with different ethnic makeup.
Yeah, I pretty much agree with this. There aren't enough very rich people having a lot of kids to balance out the poor people having a lot.
Almost the same thing can happen when a family relies on one income except that a two income family still has some money coming in if one is laid off. However, then they might not qualify for welfare like they would if the only source of income was lost.
As mentioned in the book, the advantage to a one income family is that expenses are based on only one income. In two income families, the expenses are often based on 2 incomes. In a one income family, you can have one or both members of the household looking for work to stay afloat. In two income families, if expenses are based on both of those incomes, then both partners need to be working continuously to make ends meet. The problem is, it's really not realistic to expect both working spouses to be continuously employed for 30 or 40 years...it just almost never works out that way.
I do agree it's no guarantee. It also sounds like we had similar childhoods but mine was a constant struggle with money and two biological parents. I should have never been born and I still feel that way today. I kind of wish it never happened and it's a main reason why I never wanted them.
I also had a very unhappy childhood which included violence. Countless times my father beat my mother up right in front of me. He beat me up too. This was mostly due to frustration about money issues so I speak from experience that good incomes and money in the bank is the best way to go.
I think the issues go deeper than money in this instance. The lack of money was likely only a symptom of larger/deeper problems your dad/parents had.
Yeah, I pretty much agree with this. There aren't enough very rich people having a lot of kids to balance out the poor people having a lot.
I agree. I would rather have rich folks reproduce than poor people. Poor people force their poverty on their children, their drug and criminal issues, and all sorts of social ills on their kids. You can get free birth control at Planned Parenthood so there is no excuse to reproduce if you can't afford having children. Who ends up paying for the kids of the poor? WE DO as taxpayers. Hell I'm childfree I sure as hell don't like the idea that my taxes support the kids of some felon or drug addict on welfare. Hello... they should sterilize some of these people...forcibly that's right. go ahead and flame me... LOL don't care.
Well, we strongly disagree because that is not "fluff."
I do not know what it's like to be happy as a child because I did not experience it.
I can only remember 2 "vacations" during my entire childhood and that involved an 8 hour one way trip in a hot car with nothing to do to visit mean grandparents.
Ok, there's a whole wide spectrum of options between 2 crappy vacations your whole childhood and summer camp every year + frequent weekend getaways. No need to go from one extreme to the other.
There seems to be a trend on this thread of people not having kids that had pretty bad childhoods....hmmm...
I didn't have a bad childhood and I still don't want kids. But maybe it's a good thing people who had bad childhoods don't have kids...especially if they haven't taken the time to heal themselves. Some people really do need therapy of some sort or another.
Have to tell you it was a main reason why I never wanted them.
But even as an adult I do not think life is worth it on many levels.
Yikes! It really sounds like you DO need some therapy. It's probably a good thing you don't have kids if you think/feel like this (not trying to be harsh here). There is a way out of your current mindset, but it will require you to move out of your current comfort zone. These 3 books really helped me when I was in a bad place.
Happier by Tal Ben Shahar
The How of Happiness by Sonja Lyubomirsky
Depression Is a Choice: Winning the Battle Without Drugs by A. B. Curtiss
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. My older one has this quirky sense of humor, he makes me laugh all the time. My younger one is very insightful and deep, it's very refreshing, although, scary sometimes. It's priceless.
Hell I'm childfree I sure as hell don't like the idea that my taxes support the kids of some felon or drug addict on welfare. Hello...
they should sterilize some of these people...forcibly that's right.
