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Many people with children tend to look at those that chose to be child free as selfish with the majority of those child free people chasing material possessions.
Whereas this is true in many cases it is not really a priority for my wife and I. We are in our late forties and prior to us getting married we discussed remaining child free.
The most prized thing for us is the luxury of time. We simply have large blocks of time that is used by us for a plethora of reasons such as travel, sleep, education, etc.
My wife has a younger sister with two children, both under the age of ten. She and her husband have absolutely zero time to do anything other than the tasks related to caring for their children.
Her and her husband are constantly stressed, argumentative and chronically sleep deprived.
We on the other hand on a typical week day come home, grill some steaks, burgers, chicken, etc and relax in the hot tub before spending some time online or reading prior to bedtime at approx. 10:00 PM.
This is the reason why my wife and I have no children. It's the luxury of time that we demand and it's the luxury of time that we receive.
At some point in my granddaughter's high school era, her teacher said all children were accidents in the lives of their parents. As it happens that is very much not true. Of course, many of them are, but I told her to tell her teacher that planning went into deciding when she would be born. Her parents planned for her creation and that's why it came to be.
For me... I had two before I truly realized it was going to happen if I were not vigilant. While not necessarily a quick learner on some things, I did recognize the folly of giving birth every nine months, even with the promise of a tv show, although the Duggars were not yet on the scene.
I took everything into consideration which includes housing with a yard for kids to play, summer camps, family vacations and weekend getaways, and at the very least - help with college.
I live in the Washington, DC area where it is very expensive to live. Maybe rural areas I'd drop it to 75K combined gross income.
Too many adults have children that can't afford it. It makes no sense to struggle and not give children a proper childhood. Life is tough enough as it is. Personally I do not think it's worth it.
Strongly disagree on the "very very comfortable life" part.
You don't have kids, and yet you know the costs associated with them? Unlikely.
The jobs in this area being posted are by and large not offering more than 30k/year for the vast majority (like 80-90 percent).
I don't know how people are getting by out there. Day care, food, etc costs etc.. How are you doing it?
My wife and I have a son and daughter who are 4 and 2. We live in the Washington DC area and I have been working max overtime since we became parents. My wife stays at home and also gets help from nannies and her parents sometimes. Our kids go to preschool, little summer camps and things like that.
We are also somewhat frugal and spend below our means, clip coupons, shop online, look for discounts, etc. All in all, it isn't that hard once you have a steady income and apply some smart financial management.
Many people with children tend to look at those that chose to be child free as selfish with the majority of those child free people chasing material possessions.
Whereas this is true in many cases it is not really a priority for my wife and I. We are in our late forties and prior to us getting married we discussed remaining child free.
The most prized thing for us is the luxury of time. We simply have large blocks of time that is used by us for a plethora of reasons such as travel, sleep, education, etc.
My wife has a younger sister with two children, both under the age of ten. She and her husband have absolutely zero time to do anything other than the tasks related to caring for their children.
Her and her husband are constantly stressed, argumentative and chronically sleep deprived.
We on the other hand on a typical week day come home, grill some steaks, burgers, chicken, etc and relax in the hot tub before spending some time online or reading prior to bedtime at approx. 10:00 PM.
This is the reason why my wife and I have no children. It's the luxury of time that we demand and it's the luxury of time that we receive.
Your lifestyle sounds appealing. Starring down the 20-22 yr barrel of having one's life (the majority of the sound mind/body years) consumed by every minute detail of a child's life is certainly nothing to take lightly.
Granted, with a lot of discretionary income a couple may be able to somewhat live your lifestyle by hiring a live-in nanny (have their cake and eat it too). Granted, we're talking 1% of the population that can afford $50k+/year for a nanny.
Well, we strongly disagree because that is not "fluff."
I do not know what it's like to be happy as a child because I did not experience it.
I can only remember 2 "vacations" during my entire childhood and that involved an 8 hour one way trip in a hot car with nothing to do to visit mean grandparents.
If you think the key to a happy childhood is a house with a yard, vacations and weekend getaways that's sad. You don't need camps either. That's fluff. You can raise happy children with your only vacations being visiting other family members, what you are listing is fluff and not needed. That wouldn't have changed your childhood from what it was to good or decent
I think that's where income level comes into play. When your finances are comfortable, it's easy to be unselfish because there are plenty of resources to go around. However, when money is very tight, even the most loving, devoted parent will likely experience some pangs of resentment at always having to put their needs and wants on the back burner. Especially when the kids are at an age where they can't yet distinguish wants from needs... and you get tired of having to say "no" all the time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by alphamale
Decent, loving parents put their childrens needs first. Always.
It's not that hard, unless you're a selfish person.
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eddiehaskell
Your lifestyle sounds appealing. Starring down the 20-22 yr barrel of having one's life (the majority of the sound mind/body years) consumed by every minute detail of a child's life is certainly nothing to take lightly.
Granted, with a lot of discretionary income a couple may be able to somewhat live your lifestyle by hiring a live-in nanny (have their cake and eat it too). Granted, we're talking 1% of the population that can afford $50k+/year for a nanny.
Currently 20% of Americans make $100,000 or more and can easily afford a nanny, especially since they don't have to cost $50k. A co-worker makes about 60k, husband 40k, and they have some additional income from stock trading. Their nanny is from China, doesn't speak English, but costs them $10/hour plus room and board to take care of their twins. That's barely over minimum wage here ($9.32). Those paying $50k for nannies are probably in the top 1% or close to it, the kind of people that offer more and more money to steal the latest top nanny from their neighbor. There are also still plenty of people where one spouse makes enough that the other can stay home. In fact, in our area we see plenty of this with highly paid tech people from other countries buying a $700k house, with several kids and maybe a grandparent or two living with them, and the spouse cannot work due to lack of Visa.
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