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I don't know whether you are overreacting or not but it's worth keeping an ear open and hearing what goes on, even though it's probably nothing.
Years ago I was a noon supervisor at an elementary school and there was always kids who would occasionally hang out with me because they didn't know what else to do with themselves or didn't have friends or were just tired of being with dealing with the other kids and their petty drama. One day a mom came and told me her daugher said she got hurt at lunch and a noon supervisor helped her ...and she came home with a big bruise on her leg. She asked if I was the one who helped her and I said no,, that child had been hurt that I had seen. She told me she was worried that her daughter might be being abused while at school. It freaked me out enough to stop letting any one child hang out with me alone. "other adults" are easy targets sometimes if a parent has a problem.
My Dad was a custodian for many years. Retired from that job at a middle school.
He was always a friendly, talkative, easy to get to know type of person and kids liked him and some bonded with him more than others and vice versa.
Years later some of the kids would still send him Christmas cards although they were in high school then.
He transported many a sick kid home from school in his own car if they fell ill at school or got a minor injury over the years.
Of course the parent was called to get permission for him to do that and it was always granted.
He never got a complaint or accusation lodged against him.
This just shows that not all adults who give personal attention to kids, and more to certain ones just because the frienship might be a little stronger than with others, are up to no good.
Some actualy like and care about the kids and become good friends with no ill intentions in mind.
But everyone knows there can be a bad apple here and there in any atmosphere.
So the situation is worth monitoring but at this point I don't think you should take any action other than making sure your child knows what is being friendly and being too friendly or the custodian doing, or saying, anything inappropriate.
But you know your own feelings and parental instincts about the situation better than anyone because this involves your child.
This person of concern may or may not be a good honest person like my Dad who just cared and made friends with a lot of kids over the years.
You will have to decide whether or not you feel comfortable with your childs new friendship and see how it goes or whether you need to do something about it in the short term.
Geez, I'm sorry to have to post this on Christmas, but you people posting on this topic are nutz. Or, you have never had children in school.
The school has a job to do. Educate your children. Their custody of your children is premised on the legitimacy of that undertaking. Anything else they do to your children is with your express consent. Ever notice those permission slips they send home? They don't do that because they like to waste paper, they do it because the law requires it. They don't take your kid to City Hall without your permission, they don't let stranger wander onto the school grounds and talk to your kid. Not because the stranger is a problem, he may be the best citizen in town only trying to be of help to your kid. They prohibit it because it is not a part of the legitimate function of educating your child. And, the janitor may be a wonderful guy, but he has no right to address your kid on so much as the weather without parental consent much less deep conversation about anything. The fact that he is employed by the school and lawfully on the premises tells us exactly nothing. The school's interior designer is in the same position, as is the payroll clerk for the school and the teachers' union president. But they have nothing to do with educating your kid.
Geez, I'm sorry to have to post this on Christmas, but you people posting on this topic are nutz. Or, you have never had children in school.
The school has a job to do. Educate your children. Their custody of your children is premised on the legitimacy of that undertaking. Anything else they do to your children is with your express consent. Ever notice those permission slips they send home? They don't do that because they like to waste paper, they do it because the law requires it. They don't take your kid to City Hall without your permission, they don't let stranger wander onto the school grounds and talk to your kid. Not because the stranger is a problem, he may be the best citizen in town only trying to be of help to your kid. They prohibit it because it is not a part of the legitimate function of educating your child. And, the janitor may be a wonderful guy, but he has no right to address your kid on so much as the weather without parental consent much less deep conversation about anything. The fact that he is employed by the school and lawfully on the premises tells us exactly nothing. The school's interior designer is in the same position, as is the payroll clerk for the school and the teachers' union president. But they have nothing to do with educating your kid.
I'd report it in a heartbeat.
I don't think she needs to report it. She should keep an eye on the situation, but really if the school is a good one, all the adults in the school should be friendly to all the kids.
We don't really know if the guy is singling her son out in reality. The kid may be friendly and the janitor may be too. The school secretaries in our school are also friendly with the kids and so are the lunch ladies. It makes the kids feel good when the adults in the school know their names and take the time to talk to them.
I don't think she needs to report it. She should keep an eye on the situation, but really if the school is a good one, all the adults in the school should be friendly to all the kids.
We don't really know if the guy is singling her son out in reality. The kid may be friendly and the janitor may be too. The school secretaries in our school are also friendly with the kids and so are the lunch ladies. It makes the kids feel good when the adults in the school know their names and take the time to talk to them.
A school secretary has a legitimate reason to be in contact with a student. Maybe. A lunch lady? As long as the kid is in line. A janitor? No way. Call your school and ask if the maintenance staff is permittted to have direct one on one conversations (even in public) with your third grader other than in response to a question like "where is the drinking fountain on this floor?". Don't be surprised if they insist on names, dates and times because all he!! will break loose.
A school secretary has a legitimate reason to be in contact with a student. Maybe. A lunch lady? As long as the kid is in line. A janitor? No way. Call your school and ask if the maintenance staff is permittted to have direct one on one conversations (even in public) with your third grader other than in response to a question like "where is the drinking fountain on this floor?". Don't be surprised if they insist on names, dates and times because all he!! will break loose.
Different times, I suppose, but my dad was a custodian in my high school after losing a factory job and he talked to the kids too.
I think we are losing out if we make all contact formal. Kids need adults of all kinds in their lives.
I asked him if he talks to the other kids, and apparently he does, but not as much. The janitor has told him that other kids are not that friendly to him, but my kid is ( I know for a fact that my kid is Mr Popular at school - every teacher goes out of their way to tell us that), so the janitor likes talking to him.
B
Adults shouldn't really care which kids are popular. An adult who gravitates toward a third grader because he is "Mr. Popular" is immature. Hopefully the popularity thing is more your perspective than the janitor's.
I would probably talk to the principal (not the teacher) - not to complain or accuse, but to notify. Let the principal be the one to decide what is appropriate for the janitor. Chatting with kids a little while working is one thing; singling out a particular kid and sitting next to him at lunchtime is another.
I think it is a little odd, but probably harmless. You don't want to get an innocent man in trouble but at the same time it's always good to send an fyi to the teacher/principal. Maybe he/she is aware of it already. As long your son knows the difference between friendly and "too friendly", you have nothing to worry about. One never can be too careful, though. BTW, there's no such thing as too paranoid when it comes to your child.
My third grader has been talking for the last two months about how the janitor at his school is his friend. At lunch time, he often comes and sits next to my boy and chats with him. I asked him if he talks to the other kids, and apparently he does, but not as much. The janitor has told him that other kids are not that friendly to him, but my kid is ( I know for a fact that my kid is Mr Popular at school - every teacher goes out of their way to tell us that), so the janitor likes talking to him.
Well, yesterday, my son came home with a very nice Santa hat. When asked where he got it from, he said the janitor gave it to him as a present.
Maybe this is an innocent gesture, this is a friendly man, liking a polite and friendly third grader and wanted to give him something trivial. But am I being too paranoid? I am concerned as to why someone should single out my child out of many to be so nice. I hate being paranoid and suspicious, this is not me, but at the same time, I don't want to be naive. Before I send an email to the teacher ( this wont be a complaint, more like a fyi...) - not even sure I would do it, but I wanted to run it by you all - other parents and school staff. What would you do? Am I over-reacting?
Thanks,
B
I would speak to the principal not the teacher. Lunch times is a very busy time for the custodian, how could he have time to sit with the child? And a Santa hat? No! It does not make sense in this day and age. I would immediately bring it to the principals attention; my guess is they can see the cameras and see what exactly is going on. (not that
anything is but I can not imagine the gift buying or the sitting with the child.)
Different times, I suppose, but my dad was a custodian in my high school after losing a factory job and he talked to the kids too.
I think we are losing out if we make all contact formal. Kids need adults of all kinds in their lives.
High school and third grade are totally different. In high school I could see the custodians joking and so on but in elementary? And sitting with the child during lunch?
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- every teacher goes out of their way to tell us that), so the janitor likes talking to him.