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I believe you are providing the right environment for your child.
Stats may say the drop out rate is high but what are the population details? Are we talking mostly at low income families where often one poor parent is trying hard to bring food to the table and does not have time to do homework with the child? Often stats do not tell you details like that. What are the drop out rates at different economic and education levels in families. Are the still the same or do they vary?
Sure, kids can be cruel but good parent can teach children to deal with adversity. I do not believe in shielding and protecting children from every bad experience in life. There is a difference in protecting from immediate danger and security than protecting from learning how to deal with bad experiences.
Your child's self esteem my be hurt somewhat but you can also raise it by pointing where he excels and show him how you and other have strenghts and weaknesses. I have suggested to some parents they can have their children show their strenghts to others. Example: If you child is not good at reading, he may be good at math or science, etc. I suggested they can suggest the child can help other children with math and/or science as others help him with reading. They all share their strenghts and help each other with weaknesses.
You can use the holding back experience to sit down with the child that maybe reading is not his strength so the whole family will help him get through this but it may be time to look what he is good at and help him focus on that to decide what he wants to do when he grows up. That does not mean not to improve in reading but work on his weakness and keep him focus on his strenght towards his future.
Just some tips, hope they help.
You have a great day.
El Amigo
You are so right about the stats.. they don't take in to account the various sitautions/backgrounds...
I see your points, and I'm glad it worked out for your daughter.
IMHO, I just think that there are far too many "variables" other than retention that dictate the success or failure of a child. I guess I just don't see how it can be isolated and specified to the retention vs. personality, home life, maturity, etc...That's where you need to know your own child and their personality statistics or not.
Besides, that "gut instinct" thing if ignored, can really bite you in the rear later on sometimes...
I tend to be a stickler for researching "statistics" since I can usually find equally compelling statistics for the opposite of what I'm researching. I guess that's why I go with my gut.
Problem is, our gut is influenced by what we want and what we want may not be what's best.
I struggled with the grade skip for my daughter because it's one of those things parents are proud of. I had to make sure I wasn't feeding my own ego. But, in my daughter's case, we do know she's different from the norm becuase she tracked fast from birth. She, literally, progressed 1 year for every 9 months from the time she was born. She had indicators of high intelligence almost from birth. By 4 she had demonstrated 18 out of 20 characteristics of a highly gifted child.
Because you have to look at the whole picture, and it takes time to start seeing it, she was 4 before her pediatrician was willing to start calling her gifted. She was showing a preference for older kids at 3. She would play nicely with kids her age or younger but, given a choice, she'd gravitate towards the older kids and them towards her. This preference was so strong that the preschool moved her up a group, at 3, saying "She has nothing in common with kids her age.".
Unfortunatley, her December birthday meant she could not start kindergarten with them. I still remember her first day of kindergarten, a year after her friends went. She was devestated. Whcn I picked her up, she just looked up at me with tear filled eyes and said "They didn't wait for me". She had thought all her friends from preschool would be waiting for her in kindergarten when it was her turn to go. It was a miserable year for her as she dealt with the fact her friends had moved on without her.
Remembering the loss of friends when they were allowed to go to kindy and she couldn't was why it was hitting her so hard that her friends in the 4th grade (multi grade classrooms in her current school) were changing rooms and leaving her the next year. When I talked to the administrators at the school, they agreed she belonged with them and her tests showed her to be far enough ahead that the skip wouldn't hurt her so she moved from 3rd to 5th grade. (because education is semi individual (kids are grouped with kids on their level in this school) she didn't have to be skipped)
Just a funny from the skip. Her "boyfriend" was in the 3rd grade and her girlfriends in the 4th at the time. I asked her if she was going to be sad leaving her "boyfriend" behind. She looked at me and said, in a smart aleck tone "MOM, one boyfriend or three girlfriends (doing a hand do hand jesture),, DUH..." Like this was a no brainer decision.
I'm not too worried about high school because I would have had no qualms starting her in school the year she turned 5 had her birthday not been 23 days late. If she'd been born when they thought she would be she would have made the cut off. She decided to be born late instead of early. (The doctor thought I was going to have her Thanksgiving weekend but she ended up being born on Christmas eve.). So she's not that much younger than the other kids except for the red shirted kids but they're not any kind of competition for her because she's not into anything where physical size would make a difference. In fact, being smaller is a plus both for dance and gymnastics. Size doesn't matter in music or academics. Now, if she were a boy who wanted to play football, that would be a problem.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 05-23-2009 at 05:40 AM..
It's been almost 2 school years and I'm happy to report that grade retention has continued to be a success for my child. She is thriving and loves to go to school. She has the confidence she was lacking, made many new friends and most importantly is excelling in her studies. My only regret is that we didn't do it sooner. Thank you for all the excellent feedback I received on this topic. I didn't agree with all of it but it was good to hear both sides.
It's been almost 2 school years and I'm happy to report that grade retention has continued to be a success for my child. She is thriving and loves to go to school. She has the confidence she was lacking, made many new friends and most importantly is excelling in her studies. My only regret is that we didn't do it sooner. Thank you for all the excellent feedback I received on this topic. I didn't agree with all of it but it was good to hear both sides.
I'm glad it's working out for her. I have no problem with grade retention if the child needs it. I only know of one girl who was held back. She was held back in second grade due to her reading ability. That put her with my age group of second graders, even though she was in the other class. Most kids didn't even know that she was held back. Those who did usually just thought it was because she was too young, and they wouldn't let her go to third grade because of that. She was not made fun of in any way for being held back. I don't know where she is now, though, because she went to a different junior high.
It's been almost 2 school years and I'm happy to report that grade retention has continued to be a success for my child. She is thriving and loves to go to school. She has the confidence she was lacking, made many new friends and most importantly is excelling in her studies. My only regret is that we didn't do it sooner. Thank you for all the excellent feedback I received on this topic. I didn't agree with all of it but it was good to hear both sides.
Studies show that grade retention can have a positive impact for 2-3 years. Please report back in two more years. That's when you should start seeing the negative impact of grade retention. I've read several studies on grade retention and none show long term positive impact. Many show long term negative impact. All show short term (1-3 years depending on the study) positive impact. It is, especially, positive the year of retention. As time passes, you lose the positive impact and all that is left is the negatives.
Studies show that grade retention can have a positive impact for 2-3 years. Please report back in two more years. That's when you should start seeing the negative impact of grade retention. I've read several studies on grade retention and none show long term positive impact. Many show long term negative impact. All show short term (1-3 years depending on the study) positive impact. It is, especially, positive the year of retention. As time passes, you lose the positive impact and all that is left is the negatives.
Haha! Thank you. Both my hubby and I were held back and I would like to report that 40 years later we are doing just fine..
Haha! Thank you. Both my hubby and I were held back and I would like to report that 40 years later we are doing just fine..
Perhaps so but, according to the studies, you would have done better if you'd been promoted with intervention rather than held back. Seriously, holding a child back is nothing more than repeating a failed experiment and expecting different results. Studies show that, in the long run, it does not benefit the student and often hurts. Count yourselves lucky.
I'm here to report that my child who repeated 3rd grade continues to strive in school as she enters 5th grade. Last year was the year we were concerned about the most as she was introduced to new material. She finished as a A-/B+ student. We are finding where her talents are, she loved going to school and more important her confidence has grown. She is one of the older students in her class and many of her classmates look up to her because of her friendliness and maturity. She is making good choices in the friends she chooses and in her time management.
My only wish is that I would have done this in preschool.
Personally I think it depends on the students ability. If they are unmotavated or unable to master the material--send them on. They will never get it and why hold them back? Do we really want a student in the 4th grade for 3 years?
Those who are motivated, but just didn't grasp the concepts, is there support in place to help them and modifications to assist them with the material? If EVERYTHING has been done, in the classroom, academic support in the school and at home, it needs to be a team decision--parents, teachers, tutors and admin that decides if retention is beneficial.
I'm here to report that my child who repeated 3rd grade continues to strive in school as she enters 5th grade. Last year was the year we were concerned about the most as she was introduced to new material. She finished as a A-/B+ student. We are finding where her talents are, she loved going to school and more important her confidence has grown. She is one of the older students in her class and many of her classmates look up to her because of her friendliness and maturity. She is making good choices in the friends she chooses and in her time management.
My only wish is that I would have done this in preschool.
But is it due to retention or We are finding where her talents are, that has brought about this confidence and love of school? Sound like her interests are being addressed and she feels comfortable and safe--which makes a great difference..
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I guess that's why I go with my gut.
Studies show that, in the long run, it does not benefit the student and often hurts. Count yourselves lucky.
