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Find the tormentors' parents and talk with them. Unless you're dealing with parents who truly don't care (and these are rare), the offenders will be punished and the behavior will stop. It's not the easy way out and it doesn't get anybody rich (I'm looking at you, lawyers), so it's not done in this day and age. But it's the most effective solution.
If you need inspiration, think of the image of these little punks getting the living hell beaten out of them by their mothers (I doubt there are fathers around, but if there are, all the better).
Now, the other thing: you might want to look for ways to help your son act more masculine. I doubt very highly your son is actually gay, but kids don't just randomly call other kids gay, there has to be some effeminate behavior. The poor kid probably wants to act masculine, he just doesn't know how. You have to do what you can as a parent to help him get there. You are correct in your judgment that the school district's "help" is crass and clueless, so I have hope for you. Good luck to you.
My only motivation for voicing such potential action was that I fear a young person with few alternatives will latch onto whatever offers hope, and I have seen kids do similar things in my experience. I have read of rape charges being levied against teachers in retaliation for poor grades, so this avenue seems a very likely course under these circumstances.
Your insight is actually very well-taken. It is a possibility. Actually, I've noticed him making up some tall tales (nothing malicious) lately. He could be trying to strike back the only way he can.
Please continue to post, don't let others run you off, sounds like you have some good insight!
Find the tormentors' parents and talk with them. Unless you're dealing with parents who truly don't care (and these are rare), the offenders will be punished and the behavior will stop. It's not the easy way out and it doesn't get anybody rich (I'm looking at you, lawyers), so it's not done in this day and age. But it's the most effective solution.
If you need inspiration, think of the image of these little punks getting the living hell beaten out of them by their mothers (I doubt there are fathers around, but if there are, all the better).
Now, the other thing: you might want to look for ways to help your son act more masculine. I doubt very highly your son is actually gay, but kids don't just randomly call other kids gay, there has to be some effeminate behavior. The poor kid probably wants to act masculine, he just doesn't know how. You have to do what you can as a parent to help him get there. You are correct in your judgment that the school district's "help" is crass and clueless, so I have hope for you. Good luck to you.
He walks with a slight limp, one leg is just a bit shorter than the other. I wish they would call him gimpy, or something like that, I could take that to the Supreme Court. Handicapped discrimination! Also, I'm disabled. I walk with a cane. I think the other kids put me down, but he doesn't want to say so and hurt my feelings. I told him I'm tougher than that, no 13 year old kid makes me cry!
Also, he''s quite the animal lover, especially cats. Cats are the pet of choice because I collect them. Cats are seen as a girl's pet, so he gets harassed for that. Altogether, he's "gay".
All suggestions here are well-taken, but again, there's 5 weeks left of the schol year and then we move, I would like to see if it will blow over. But it probably won't 5 weeks can be a long time! The suggestion to get a lawyer is not a practical one, nor is the suggestion to seek counseling. Only in movies do they work for free. An attorney wants $1000--$2000 retainer, then every cough and sneeze they charge you!
I do know the anxiety he's suffering. I was bullied in 6th grade, the adults I appealed to turned a deaf ear. The teachers said I was making it up. My mother said the boys just tease me because they like me---Baloney! Finally I handled it. A girl was tormenting me, then hit me then ran off. My forte was my long, strong legs (I wasn't always disabled). I ran after her, and caught ahold of her long hair. She came flying down, cracked something on the sidewalk. I don't know what happened, I just walked past her. I never saw her in school again. That was before the days of lawsuits, etc. I still feel sick thinking of that thwack sound as she hit the pavement. But hey, she was trying to hurt me. I was told to handle it, so I did! No one ever bullied me again!
The suggestion to get a lawyer is not a practical one, nor is the suggestion to seek counseling. Only in movies do they work for free. An attorney wants $1000--$2000 retainer, then every cough and sneeze they charge you!
You need to do something to help your son. It's not always free to do something. Sometimes you have to pay. Have you consulted an actual attorney for costs? I can't see it costing a thousand dollars to write a letter. School respond if they think you will take legal action. Otherwise they will continue blowing smoke and your son will continue to suffer.
MaryleeII, I would not put him back into this school in the fall.
Is there anyway that he can be homeschooled for the next 5 weeks? I know that there are programs out there called K12(for example) that are part of the public school.
Either your son is hiding something from you and you are in denial (Which is not a problem. The school should mind their own business and deal with bullying ASAP) OR you are dealing with some real psychos. And both are very realistic realities.
The way the school is handling this is bad. You cannot learn about your sexuality from a counselor. That is stupid. And it is nosy and invasive of the school to do what they are doing. The way they are handling this even if your son is gay is invasive and IMHO violating of his rights.
If he isn't gay and people think he is gay because he doesn't love sports and roughhousing with the guys. Then this is an even worse situation.
I'm thinking whistle-blower retaliation or gender discrimination.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII
My ds is 13 and in the 7th grade. since the beginning of the school year, some other kids (boys and girls), have been tormenting him, calling him gay. He isn't gay, not does he do anything to act gay, but they persist in the name calling.
This is very upsetting to him and affects his ability to function on a day-to-day basis. We've protested to the school, but they say its ok to be gay, we allow and encourage diversity. They even sent my ds to counseling to learn how to deal with "his sexuality". Hey, he's not the one with the problem, its the others who are tormenting him on a daily basis.
I nearly gagged when he told me a counselor told him he should "embrace and explore" his homosexual nature. WTH?????????????
Look those other kids probably don't fully understand what Gay means, other than its an insult. They are using it to harass and torment my ds during the school day. So now he's supposed to "come out" to cope with the harassment?
Then, yesterday, I got a call from the school that he was calling other kids the N word. Actually, he applied that word to black and white. he said he used it in retaliation to those who called him gay. It was a defense thing. No, he shouldn't have used such language, but why did he feel it necessary to defend himself? He received 3-day in school suspension for using the N word, but those who call him gay are not reprimanded.
The school's stance---its ok to be gay, perhaps the other kids are offering him a compliment, perhaps he is gay, he should explore his homosexual side. They even gave us the names of support groups for parents of gay children. Get this clear----he's NOT gay, the other kids are simply harassing him. Regardless of what they call him, they are using it in a demeaning manner, designed to provoke and harass. He's told them he takes offense, to stop calling him that, they just keep right on. meanwhile, I'm being labeled a non-supportive parent because I don't attend parent of gays support groups.
This whole thing a a twisted nightmare, I'm thinking of taking to the media, the schools shouldn't force my kid to be gay to avoid harassment, which is essentially what they're doing!
You need to do something to help your son. It's not always free to do something. Sometimes you have to pay. Have you consulted an actual attorney for costs? I can't see it costing a thousand dollars to write a letter. School respond if they think you will take legal action. Otherwise they will continue blowing smoke and your son will continue to suffer.
Where do you think I got those figures? Lawyers don't work "by the piece". You can't just get one to write a letter for $50 and that's it. They want a retainer, and manage to eat it up pretty fast. We know its not always free to do "something". We're struggling financially, and just don't have $$$ left over for such. I feel a well-placed letter from us would perhaps do the trick.
the thing is, do it in writing. Send it email and back up with a certified letter, cc to principal, school board, etc.Go all the way up the chain of command, lots of times the one you speak with is the one it end with. Schools are all about cover up, don't blow their precious statistics, that's what matters, not the kids. Right now I just want to play for time, he has about 4.5 weeks left, even if he has to call in sick some, make up work, whatever to get past that spot.
I'd also look into homeschooling the last few weeks of the year if it's possible. Realistically, he's not going to be able to learn and retain knowledge in what's a hostile environment for him, and he'd learn more doing worksheets at your kitchen table.
This sounds like workplace mobbing or student version of constructive discharge. The school is using selective punishment to harass him. So this sounds very suspicious.
Is your son a whistle-blower or an outspoken individual? Did he "talk back" to a worshiped teacher or coach within the last 6 months? Is he an ethnic minority? Or is he targeted by females? This could be gender discrimination. But they are calling him gay to cover up their hatred for males. Sometimes females discriminate against males too. Females can get really envious and aggressive towards males. And they can start hostile rumors etc. All of which is wrong. Especially when the teachers get involved with the gossip and hostility.
If you have some evidence to show that it is gender, racial, ethnic, religion, or disability discrimination. You can also file complaints if you think your son is being retaliated against for voicing a concern or complaint in regards to discrimination or civil rights issues. Then please file with this office ASAP: http://www2.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/index.html
An investigator will act as your attorney for free to help stop this madness. Until you can get your son removed from the school.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII
I think we're missing my point here. He isn't gay, doesn't do anything to "act gay", even has a little girlfriend. Other kids call him gay just to harass him. But he called some kids the N word, now he's in suspension.
Apparently its ok to harass other students if you do so in a PC manner!Harassment is harassment, regardless of the mechanism. I don't wish to get involved in discussing his sexuality with the school, its not his sexuality that's an issue, its the harassment. apparently he's not supposed to harass other students, but they can harass him, as long as they hid behind a protected class.
This sounds like workplace mobbing or student constructive discharge. The school is using selective punishment to harass him. So this sounds very suspicious.
Is your son a whistle-blower or an outspoken individual? Is he an ethnic minority? Or is he targeted by females? Sometimes females discriminate against males. Females can get really envious and aggressive towards males. And they can start hostile rumors etc.
Exactly----like workplace mobbing! He has Monday off, lets see what happens come Tues from the on. and I do intend to get involved, otherwise they will run all over him. Get this---its an older school with no real handicapped access. so, accomodate me! Perhaps I will come with a news crew---I do know poeple "in the media".
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