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My wife and I purchase food that we like because that's what makes us happiest concerning " possessions ".
We belong to a food coop in order to purchase Kobe Beef at around 15.50 a pund currently instead of the 19.00 to 20.00 dollar range you see it at otherwise.
We also purchase premium cuts of beef.
What would you call us OP? Frugal and wasteful at the same time?
Most of the people I know are not frugal. Instead, they spend lots of money at full retail on material goods, fancy clothes, makeup, eating out and fancy things around the home. They have TONS of possessions and never use coupons or participate in discount programs. They feel that as college educated professionals making good money they deserve the good life and don't want the hassle of living the frugal life.
When they come to my home, or observe my lifestyle of few material possessions, using coupons, wearing inexpensive clothes and splitting meals with my wife when we do eat out and other fruel lifestyle choices, they act like we are crazy. In other cases new people we meet people who could have been good friends dismiss us and phase us out of their lives because of our frugal lifestyle.
Now an easy reply is why would we want to be friends with someone who looks down on us because we are frugal and we should just dump them as friends because of their attitude. But it is not that easy. Other than our dispute about the advantages of a frugal lifestyle we have LOTS OF PERSONAL CHEMISTRY and lots in common with these spend thrift friends. So, what do you think about this?
I think it's a two way street and you think you are better than them. For all you know, they have the financial means to afford what they do and still have plenty of savings and no debt--how they spend their money really isn't your business unless they are constantly saying they are broke and asking you to pick up the tab while driving the Lexus to the restaurant.
Referring to them as "spendthrifts" makes you no better than if they referred to you as "cheapskates."
My husband and I are in the middle. We have a comfortable financial life, and don't need to shop sales or use coupons, but we do because we're all for saving a buck when we can.
If friends are going to a very expensive dinner and we can't afford (or justify) it at the time, we simply decline. We've also suggested that we meet them in advance and share appetizers and a bottle of wine in the lounge before their dinner reservation. This has worked well, it gives us a nice night out with friends without breaking the bank. If friends are going to a lower end restaurant that we don't enjoy, we'll suggest that they stop over to our house after their meal for dessert and coffee or cordials.
In all honesty, if someone was looking down on me because I spend money on things I can afford, I'd dump them as a friend long before they had the chance to dump me, as they obviously don't understand the meaning of friendship.
My wife and I purchase food that we like because that's what makes us happiest concerning " possessions ".
We belong to a food coop in order to purchase Kobe Beef at around 15.50 a pund currently instead of the 19.00 to 20.00 dollar range you see it at otherwise.
We also purchase premium cuts of beef.
What would you call us OP? Frugal and wasteful at the same time?
Practical. I do the same thing. I plan my menus around what's on sale, but I won't buy things just because they are on sale if they are processed junk food or crappy meat cuts. There's a common ground, and congratulations of joining me on it.
I think it depends on the potential friend and what the frie3nd likes to do. Afterall no one likes to hear thaqt they are way to spendy all the time. it may just elimainte you fro the list of activities they like that cost what you don't want to spend. That is why friends most often have mnay things in common; differerig them from people you just know.
Maybe it's not your spending habits that bother these potential friends but the fact that you want to discuss your spending habits and theirs. My friends and I don't discuss money often. If there's a great sale at the grocery store on a particular item, one of us might mention it to the others, but that's it. We don't ask if they paid full price for their clothes or their kids stuff, and vice versa.
I have known one guy who was so frugal that it was sometimes agonizing dealing with him, and you wouldn't want to go on vacation with him because you'd end up sleeping in the car and eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for every meal...my hubby. He doesn't seem to have problems making friends or staying friends with them though.
I can't remember getting much criticism from anyone for being tight fisted. However, it is difficult to maintain a friendship with people who want to go to expensive restaurants, spend the day shopping, or go to full price movies. I don't like to spend money like that, so we can't do outings together.
Even my very wealthy friends like to come to dinner at my house. I'm a good cook and we eat well. I set out a good spread for my dinner guests. I can pinch the pennies and put out a top quality feast for less than it costs the average person, but food is one of the places where I think it is foolish to be too cheap so that you are eating poor quality or less healthy foods.
My friends and I have things like hobbies in common, so we don't discuss money and I don't think it is my place to discuss or criticize how they spend.
I haven't lost friends because I'm too frugal. Friends have, however, lost me, because they liked to spend too much money. But it wasn't about the money, it was about the lifestyle. Their lifestyle was not my lifestyle. We drifted apart.
I'm sure there are lots of people I haven't befriended because I wasn't out partying, shopping, and spending lots of money. But again, they aren't people I would choose to spend time with.
If people really are "unfriending" you just because you are too frugal, I would say you have gone beyond frugal into cheap. If you are doing things like refusing to pay your share of a tab/restaurant bill to save money, that is cheap. If you insist everyone change their schedule so you can go to a matinee movie instead of a prime time movie, even though it inconveniences them (leaving work early, or having to get a babysitter at an untypical time, on short notice, that sort of thing), that is cheap. If you always bum a ride from others when going out, but never contribute to their gas costs, that is cheap. So yes, it depends on exactly why they are saying you are too frugal.
Finally, it may be that your definition of Frugal differs from theirs. You said:
Quote:
Most of the people I know are not frugal. Instead, they spend lots of money at full retail on material goods, fancy clothes, makeup, eating out and fancy things around the home. They have TONS of possessions and never use coupons or participate in discount programs.
Personally, I find my time more worthwhile than my money. I hate cutting coupons unless they are at the door when I walk in the store. I won't go to 9 places to buy my weekly groceries, just to catch the sales, and I buy my clothes off the rack wherever I find the clothes I like, which might be at the discount mall, but also might be at Dillards. I rarely look at pricetags on my day to day life. I buy what I need, when I need it, where I find it.
However, I still consider myself frugal. I'm frugal on the big things, taking time to comparison shop and buy things on sale when possible (like a big screen TV, or a couch). I buy high quality and keep it forever. I look for the best deal on the specific item I want, instead of buying an item because it was a good deal. And I don't buy "stuff" just to have "stuff". Other than the very large items, like furniture, appliances and that big screen TV, I think I could fit pretty much everything hubby & I own into a normal sized sedan, if necessary (and at least half of that would be books). My total annual expenses, including a mortgage, for 2 people, are between $20k and $25k, or just about half our take home pay.
If a friend told me I wasn't frugal enough, I would ask if they wanted to compare expenses for the year. I may not look as frugal as some of my coupon cutting friends on the surface, but I guarantee I spend far less money every year than any of them.
Well I'm frugal but even I have limits. I won't cut the friendship but I will limit my time with them. Example: Last NYE I went to dinner with a group of friends and enjoyed a nice meal at a slightly upscale place and we had a great time. NYE is a special occasion is it not? I was looking forward to doing it again this year but the person in charge of making reservations decided to do it on the cheap and reserved some tables at a local pizza/pasta place that has a rep for sub-par food. She thought it would entice more people to come out with us and prevent anyone from feeling pressure to spend money just to hang out with everyone but instead a few of us have opted out. I personally don't want to waste my money (or calories) on crap food. I'm going to go to a club and listen to some music with other friends instead.
Point is, if I'm going to go out and do something special I'm willing to pay for something special.
Most of the people I know are not frugal. Instead, they spend lots of money at full retail on material goods, fancy clothes, makeup, eating out and fancy things around the home. They have TONS of possessions and never use coupons or participate in discount programs. They feel that as college educated professionals making good money they deserve the good life and don't want the hassle of living the frugal life.
When they come to my home, or observe my lifestyle of few material possessions, using coupons, wearing inexpensive clothes and splitting meals with my wife when we do eat out and other fruel lifestyle choices, they act like we are crazy. In other cases new people we meet people who could have been good friends dismiss us and phase us out of their lives because of our frugal lifestyle.
Now an easy reply is why would we want to be friends with someone who looks down on us because we are frugal and we should just dump them as friends because of their attitude. But it is not that easy. Other than our dispute about the advantages of a frugal lifestyle we have LOTS OF PERSONAL CHEMISTRY and lots in common with these spend thrift friends. So, what do you think about this?
I pulled away from a group who was too obsessed with spending money at the bar and at restaurants constantly. I hate spending money on things like that all the time, I would rather save money so I can travel or do outdoor activities. I will say though, I think that splitting meals at restaurants with your wife is a bit extreme. I just wouldn't go out to eat if I was that concerned about spending money.
I can't remember getting much criticism from anyone for being tight fisted. However, it is difficult to maintain a friendship with people who want to go to expensive restaurants, spend the day shopping, or go to full price movies. I don't like to spend money like that, so we can't do outings together.
Even my very wealthy friends like to come to dinner at my house. I'm a good cook and we eat well. I set out a good spread for my dinner guests. I can pinch the pennies and put out a top quality feast for less than it costs the average person, but food is one of the places where I think it is foolish to be too cheap so that you are eating poor quality or less healthy foods.
My friends and I have things like hobbies in common, so we don't discuss money and I don't think it is my place to discuss or criticize how they spend.
Regardless of income levels, everyone has different things they enjoy and put their "fun money" towards. I have a beautiful boat and in the summertime, I'll head up to Lake Havasu for the weekend with family/friends. It's pretty easy to burn through a couple hundred dollars boating for a weekend plus the cost of meals, renting a slip, insurance, water toys, hotel rooms/cabin rental, etc. My contribution to my friends and family is spending a weekend on the water and in return, I'm often invited to their homes for an evening meal which works great because I'm single and rarely cook for myself!
Now if someone invites me to go to a movie...I'd probably pass simply because I don't value wasting 2 hours of my time sitting in a dark theater watching something that I can buy on Neflix in two months time. I'm not in fashion either; I wear Wrangler jeans and usually a button-up or denim shirt when I'm out and about. I wear suits to meetings or other professional occasions. I don't care to spend my money on overpriced, $150 jeans or $100 shirts even though I've spent over $10K on a Rolex watch to wear with my Wranglers and denim shirt (think the Jay Leno look).
Love spending money on cars; Barrett Jackson is one of my yearly events. I have my bidder's pass and a maximum spending limit approved through my bank of X number of dollars...even though I don't PLAN on buying a collector vehicle, I enjoy sitting in the bidder's section and walking on the block when the big money vehicles roll on.
It's all about priorities.
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