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Hello everyone, long time reader, first time poster.
I am extremely conflicted about a potential move to a new state. I have a job offer from the new state but am pretty happy at my current job and current state. I'll explain both situations in detail but I literally wake up everyday the last few days with a different outlook than the previous day. I have until Tuesday to decide. This is causing me to lose sleep and I'm very stressed. I'm married with a 3 year old son and we are in our 30's. My wife stays home with my son. I grew up in the Midwest and moved to location A ten years ago.
Location A:
I have lived and worked here for 10 years total. I really like the state. I love the mountains, the desert, and the ocean and this place has it all. It is also really expensive. We pay a lot to rent a small house. I met my wife here, got married her, and our son was born here. I have a decent paying job to where I can rent a house in a great area and don't live paycheck to paycheck. My company is great. I've moved up 5 times in 10 years. I'm in line for other jobs soon. The sky is the limit here. But I still can only afford to rent at this point. If it was cheaper here I'd not even be asking this forum for advice.
Location B:
I actually moved to this place a couple years ago right after my son was born but we only stayed a few months. It was only about an 800 mile move but it was incredibly stressful. It's an city that we visited before on vacation and loved it. Much cheaper than place A. We only lasted 4 months because my job ended up being a dead end and was very boring. In addition we really missed place A. I think it might have just been home sickness but I got offered a new job in Place A (promotion) to come back so we did.
Place B keeps seeming to draw me back. The appeal is how cheap it is to live and it really is a beautiful place. It has mountains and desert but no ocean. I randomly applied to a job not thinking I had a chance and got offered the job recently. It's enough pay to where I'd not have to even worry about promotions. It's enough money to live comfortably and even buy a house. I am conflicted because I worry the same thing would just happen as the last time. We move, then miss place A and have to move back. I can't do that again. Then when I get myself all excited and convinced I'll stay put in B, I get thinking that the move stresses me out so much that I'd rather just stay at A. I wouldn't have to move, get new doctors, dentists, hire movers, coordinate a move etc...I'd just keep on doing my job that I get paid well and probably get promoted again soon. And to top it off the job in B is very different than what I do now, is much more responsibility, longer hours, and I'd start fresh with vacation time etc... At A, I'm set. I have awesome hours. No OT. Like my job. Like my boss. B is so unknown outside the more works, worse hours, worse benefits.
I am so torn. I try to follow my heart and all that but I have thought about this so much that I have no clue what to think anymore. B could potentially lead to a better life since I could own a house, have less traffic, not be in such a congested area but I do really like place A better if all else were equal. The only direction I'm getting from my "gut" is that I've tried this before and it didn't work. Then my non-gut logical brain says "but B is so cheap, you could own a nice house!". I know this opportunity at B would never come up again so that's why I'm not fast to turn it down.
Another side note: We have some family and friends in A but none we are extremely close with. No family and one friend in B. Most of the close family is in location C which is far far away and not an option.
I am sorry this is so long but I need some words of wisdom or anecdotes or something! I am literally making myself sick trying to decide.
Read everything you just wrote and ask yourself which would be better for quality of life for you and your family.
Then, discuss this issue with your wife, not random strangers on a public forum.
Read everything you just wrote and ask yourself which would be better for quality of life for you and your family.
Then, discuss this issue with YOUR WIFE, not random strangers on a public forum.
I guess I should have said that I do obviously discuss this with my wife. We talk extensively everyday and we are both torn. I wrote it in the first person but it is a joint effort and we are both conflicted. Just want to make sure people don't get the wrong opinion.
I guess I should have said that I do obviously discuss this with my wife. We talk extensively everyday and we are both torn. I wrote it in the first person but it is a joint effort and we are both conflicted. Just want to make sure people don't get the wrong opinion.
Okay, glad to hear however, my advice remains the same with one minor change.
Sit down with your wife and both of you read the words you just wrote.
Good luck with whatever you choose.
The real issue here is your apparent dream of home ownership. So, let's dissect that. Is the idea of home ownership because you believe that owning a home is a great investment? Or, is it because you want to be in a place where you can control the property such as doing a remodel or putting in new flooring? If its the investment aspect, you might be able to find other investment vehicles. If its the "American Dream" of home ownership, figure out exactly what $$'s need to be able to get into a house in your current area in the year ahead.
Then, I think you should talk to your direct boss. Tell him you have been approached about a job opportunity in a lower cost of living area and there's a strong pull to own a house -- which would be possible there. Tell your boss that -- except for the house issue -- you are totally engaged with your work and the Company. Ask him for advise. I caution you to refrain from disclosing that you have an actual offer (yet) or other details such as the company or location (yet).
Sometimes companies find a way to provide special programs for talented employees in order to retain them. I was a Compensation director before I retired and there are sometimes hidden things companies can do. You will never know unless you try.
If the company doesn't come to you to discuss this situation, I think moving may be worth the risk.
If the company comes back to you with interest in discussing how to help you, then you can reveal more info....
Thanks for the reply WorldKlas. I guess my dream isn't for home ownership or anything. I'm more interested in the fact hat I could get a bigger and nicer place to live in, be it rent or own in location B. Location A I'm in the heart of the priciest are so I pay a lot for an 800 sq foot rental. I could rent a bigger place but I'd have to move further out and commute. But in place b I'd be able to not only rent but buy a bigger nicer place anywhere in town I wanted. But it's all at expense of the concerns I listed earlier.
Think about quality of life. At the end of the day, where will you and your family be happier. Also, if job b has you working more hours and spending less time with your family , that is not ideal. Kids grow up so fast and they won't çare that they grew up in a bigger, nicer home. They will care about how much time you spent with them.
I agree with the previous poster that you have to weigh which area would be best for your family. Which place would be better for your son. My family moved from a high cost of living area to a low cost of living area where we can afford so much more house for the money. We are so much happier. I love having a back yard for the boys. Having more space means we feel less confined when we are at home. We have storage and a place for all of their toys without feeling overwhelmed. We have a three car driveway and no longer have to worry about where to park. Honestly, all of that helps with quality of life. We have more than we ever could have afforded in our old city. However, neither my husband or I liked our old city in any way. Actually we hated it so the decision was easier for us. But like I told myself when we were making our decision, which place would be best for our kids? The decision is much easier if you put them first and do what is best for them. Of course part of that is your son needs happy parents. I would say if you were that unhappy in place A, then you should move. But it sounds like place A is pretty awesome. As is your job. It would be hard to leave that for the unknown.
I don't know you and your family, so I really can't say.
At your stage in life I liked the adventure of moving, myself. So, unless I was perfectly content, I'd be thinking, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained."
My son seems to be thriving in my little house right now so perhaps it's not even a problem as I make it out to be. But in place B i could give him a bigger house with a yard to play in. Right now we have a concrete backyard that is about 15' wide and 8' deep. We could also move into any neighborhood we wanted and possibly even send him to private school in place B. But then again, place A does have nice schools too, I'd just have to move nearer to one at some point in the next two years. I guess all the uncertainty of B is what is holding me back.
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