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The one-way highway is very true. It only works to take you to them. They can't seem to find the way to you except maybe once a year or two. That certainly is the case for relatively short distances of a few hours. I moved 1000 miles a few years back and I became a cheap vacation spot. I'm near the junction of two major interstates in the southwest so I get visitors either passing through or coming for a visit. It sort of balanced out. I'm happy to have the visits for a day or even a couple weeks. Friends and family, both will visit.
I am coming at this from a different angle. Our kids moved away from us after education was complete. Two of them found work in other cities, and one simply moved because it was a place they wanted to live in.
Luckily for us, two of my kids live fairly close to each other. My other “kid” lives overseas. We chose to move close to the two who now reside in OR. We moved to be closer to them. Our move was welcomed. We make sure to be agreeable and we all do get along.
In your case, you seem to have difficulties making friends. You seem to be very alone and you have some mental health difficulties. If you lived near your family, you would be able to have more social experiences, but you would also have more stress, because you feel smothered by them.
I don’t think there is a good answer here. You might fare better living closer to family than you do now, but not in Mobile. I have no idea if that is feasible. But, honestly, I think you would be happier in the long run living on your own, but with some friends and possibly a romantic interest.
Instead of asking the question you have asked, perhaps a better question to ask is how to live on one’s own, less solitarily than you do. Wherever you go, you take yourself. You are likely to have the same problems you always have had until you learn how to find companionship. You already know the stress of your smothering family. Why would you choose to go through this again?
Move someplace they want to visit, and they'll show up.
I got lots of visitors when I lived in San Francisco and Hawaii. I bet NYC and LA would be popular with visitors, too.
It would be nice in some ways to live closer to family so that I could more frequently and physically interact with them. But that doesn't actually carry a lot of weight in my decision-making process, especially since the bulk of my close relatives remain in NYC, a city I do not see myself ever living in full time again. My dream and goal are to move back to Honolulu next year. Family can visit and there's always video chat.
Because they assume that the quality of my life would be better by being near them, but I don't think that is true
Are both you and your therapist operating from the same definition of 'quality of life'? Just curious on that one. I think you're being wise in considering their advice in contrast to your own wants/needs/desires and keeping those suggestions 'at an arms length' while you evaluate the choices that will impact you the most.
I have a thought question for you OP. Let's assume for a moment that you made friends easily and in any particular 'destination choice' the 'potential friend' population is large. So - in this made-up scenario, 'quality friendship obstacles' are not any concern at all for anyone. In this case, where would you choose to move, and what are some of the reasons you would find that particular choice appealing?
Yes, torn. But due to our age we chose family over preference.
Also torn. But due to our family's age we chose family over preference (we're staying nearby my wife's elderly parents).
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