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Partly I can't believe I am starting this thread because 2 years ago something like this never would have occurred to me.
So we relocated from our home state to someplace new. Hubby and I grew up in "blue collar" households and lived in diverse neighborhoods. But this lifestyle was not exclusive to only blue collar, it was a mixture of both blue collar and professionals. In fact, growing up my family doctor lived a few streets from us. The professionals in our neighborhoods were down to earth people and we all seemed to get along fine. In fact, not once as a child did I feel out of place that my dad was a union truck driver and my best friend's dad was a real estate lawyer.
I have a college degree and my husband is skilled trades. I guess I still consider us mostly middle class blue collar types. We hold our own and have an array of friends with a variety of backgrounds. When we relocated for my husband's job we chose an area that had an excellent school system and more pristine neighborhoods. This area is 80% professional, maybe even higher than that. The income levels are middle class to very wealthy. There is a serious segregation in this area. Something I am not really used to. The blue collar folks live in the blue collar towns. The professionals live here. We considered the blue collar towns but they had poor school systems and some questionable neighborhoods.
Anyway, we do not fit in. I thought it was more with the fact of being new but the longer we are here, I am definitely getting a sense of it is more about status and income. I think we might have made a mistake choosing this place. My husband says I have been too nice so far and need to start speaking my mind when others are condescending and rude. I notice I get a lot of this behavior from the "excellent school system". I do not know if speaking my mind will make things worse as it appears these people already feel I am not very intelligent. I phoned my good friend who is highly educated and read an email I received from my son's teacher. I asked her if I was being overly sensitive by the verbiage. She was stone silent and then busted out laughing saying it has been quite some time since she has heard someone use the word "feigned" in general conversation. She says the author appears to be trying very hard at being an intellectual. She says I need to start giving these folks some hell and stop taking this snobby act from them. I tend to agree but not sure I am ready to cause a serious riff. So has anyone else moved some place with snobby folks and eventually found your place within that society? I am about ready to start looking at relocating again. I almost miss my old gruff sometimes crude unionized neighbor that installed a beer cup holder on his riding lawnmower. At least the dude was real.
As Machiavelli notes, you can't demand love but you can demand respect. Time to quit with the nice guy (gal) stuff.
Might help put things in perspective if you say where you came from and where now (you probably don't want to be too specific, but regions are probably enough to come up with something)
Don't waste the cash relocating. Enjoy your lovely home, but find friends elsewhere. Seven years ago my husband and I bought a home in just such a white collar hell. There are a few very nice people in the neighborhood but they're busy, quiet. My husband joined a pool league, I, a hiking club and we've met many warm, welcoming folks through the American Legion.
I love my home and wooded neighborhood, but I remember better days... neighborhood yard sales, block parties, sitting on a neighbor's deck at midnight in shorts, a tank top, barefoot (drinking cold tea out of a mason jar) in the intense heat of summer...
You can't go back, but you can move forward. It's hard, I know, but you will find that place, that comfort.
Those hoity-toity types can be a PITA. While I am an engineer I prefer to live "out" in the country with "real" people, my Dad was a pipeline welder, I grew up around craftsmen and mechanics.
This still benefits me as frequently I'm the only engineer who can really talk with the crafts people who actually build the stuff we invent.
I'm rambling but my point is I understand your like of your old "mixed" neighborhood, and aggravation with the current one.
At the same time, don't let the "illigitemi" grind you down. Maybe if you look around you'll find a few real people around you.
Those hoity-toity types can be a PITA. While I am an engineer I prefer to live "out" in the country with "real" people, my Dad was a pipeline welder, I grew up around craftsmen and mechanics.
This still benefits me as frequently I'm the only engineer who can really talk with the crafts people who actually build the stuff we invent.
I'm rambling but my point is I understand your like of your old "mixed" neighborhood, and aggravation with the current one.
At the same time, don't let the "illigitemi" grind you down. Maybe if you look around you'll find a few real people around you.
Ha, you sound like the engineers my hubby works with. Decent down to earth guys (they are also transplants and a bit miffed by things here). My husband's position is somewhat unique as he is the only one in his trade. The company he works for recruited him from our home state, hence the reason we moved. He works with the engineers as they need to know what ever they design actually works. Then he works with the guys in the plant on how to run the machinery correctly. Pretty much a go between. One of the requirements the company was looking for was a person that could do the job but also be able to interact between these two groups of people. My husband didnt understand how this would be an issue until he started the job. People really do choose to be segregated here.
When we were looking for a house, the engineers wanted us to buy by them in the township (where we eventually did) and the guys on the floor baulked and said no way, not in snobby land! My husband constantly is finding a balance between the two worlds so to speak. He goes fishing with the engineers and then will have a beer after work with the guys in the plant. He does a good job with this balance. But since I mainly deal with the mom's in the neighborhood and the school staff, ugh...I can see why the blue collar workers say this is snobby land. Sheesh...can't we just all get along?
There is a difference between rural and urban/suburbia/Beltway cultures, and also a difference between North and South, and I personally see a huge difference between predominantly Catholic blue collar and predominantly Protestant white collar. Sure, you can refuse to change, but then you are not likely to be accepted into the establishment there. Wherever you relocate, other people were there first, and set up things the way that they prefer them.
One of my relatives moved from rural NW PA blue collar regions, where everyone had 2-3 acres of land and worked on cars at home, and parked all their boats, 4wheelers, car haulers, and other "wheels" right there in the driveway or the yard. Now that family is in a McMansion subdivision in the South, where the houses are high dollar and also are very close to each other. The homeowners association is on their backs all the time to get the car hauler out of the driveway, keep the car-fixin' activities in the garage with the doors closed so the the neighborhood doesn't see or hear, the "monster truck" couldn't lived there, they need to cut the grass and irrigate it and keep up with the landscape, and so on. They are in always violation, all the time. But, bless 'em, my relatives are the rednecks of the neighborhood. They are being ostracized because they are disruptive and they don't fit in. They made a poor choice of neighborhood for their lifestyle, but they refuse to change. The others in the neighborhood built or bought homes there and established rules in order to preserve the character of the neighborhood the way they preferred. I could fit into that neighborhood quite well, and could probably even negotiate to get the rules bent a little in my favor, because I am more urban professional Southern than Yankee now. But I have also lived in similar nice neighborhoods in the South and was quite comfortable with the "segregation" that they offer. You can't charge in like a bull in a china shop, anyplace, and be accepted.
I'm not saying that any of that applies to your situation, but sometimes it is me or you and not "them", lol. Also, I've found it almost impossible to make friends with adults until after they have done most of their child rearing. Parents are too tied down and too unavailable and they might have all of their friend slots filled up already.
I think the other point you should remember is you moved there in part because of the school system.
Think of the great education your children are receiving in the district you live in. Just make sure they also see the other side of life once they become too jaded with their surroundings.
Nevermind the neighbors, or the teachers attitude toward you, just make sure the teachers don't take your child's education for granted and become dismissive of them, and stay on top of the teachers.
There is a difference between rural and urban/suburbia/Beltway cultures, and also a difference between North and South, and I personally see a huge difference between predominantly Catholic blue collar and predominantly Protestant white collar. Sure, you can refuse to change, but then you are not likely to be accepted into the establishment there. Wherever you relocate, other people were there first, and set up things the way that they prefer them.
One of my relatives moved from rural NW PA blue collar regions, where everyone had 2-3 acres of land and worked on cars at home, and parked all their boats, 4wheelers, car haulers, and other "wheels" right there in the driveway or the yard. Now that family is in a McMansion subdivision in the South, where the houses are high dollar and also are very close to each other. The homeowners association is on their backs all the time to get the car hauler out of the driveway, keep the car-fixin' activities in the garage with the doors closed so the the neighborhood doesn't see or hear, the "monster truck" couldn't lived there, they need to cut the grass and irrigate it and keep up with the landscape, and so on. They are in always violation, all the time. But, bless 'em, my relatives are the rednecks of the neighborhood. They are being ostracized because they are disruptive and they don't fit in. They made a poor choice of neighborhood for their lifestyle, but they refuse to change. The others in the neighborhood built or bought homes there and established rules in order to preserve the character of the neighborhood the way they preferred. I could fit into that neighborhood quite well, and could probably even negotiate to get the rules bent a little in my favor, because I am more urban professional Southern than Yankee now. But I have also lived in similar nice neighborhoods in the South and was quite comfortable with the "segregation" that they offer. You can't charge in like a bull in a china shop, anyplace, and be accepted.
I'm not saying that any of that applies to your situation, but sometimes it is me or you and not "them", lol. Also, I've found it almost impossible to make friends with adults until after they have done most of their child rearing. Parents are too tied down and too unavailable and they might have all of their friend slots filled up already.
Valid points. No we are kind of the opposite. One of the things we loved about this neighborhood was the fact that there was an HOA. We always had issues with people storing junk and so forth in past living arrangements. I think one of the things that bother me is the assumption that if you work with your hands then you are not very smart or do not have money. We actually have one of the nicest homes in the sub. Sometimes I wonder if that is what irks some, maybe they feel we shouldnt.
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I almost miss my old gruff sometimes crude unionized neighbor that installed a beer cup holder on his riding lawnmower. At least the dude was real.
in the intense heat of summer...
