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What about a senior community center where you live? Maybe moving back to one of the towns you liked when you briefly lived there would be a good move for you?
Or as someone else suggested by a sibling or family member even if you do not know them very well you can build on that like you would if you just meet someone.
The family members do not want me. One is snowbirding it between two homes, one is down and out and lives in huge metro area, where there is no openenings for senior and disabled housing. Another doesnt want me. Some others still live in a very remote area too far from medical care for me.
It is a good suggestion you made though.
I would be back in Hillsdale if it didnt die and if so many folks hadnt left. If my old church and some other networks were still there, I would back already.
I’m young, but I would think it would be easy to make some kind of friends when you get older at Workout gyms, Rec leagues, Bars, social charity events, ect... Also I have family that lives less then 5 miles away and they are still strangers because it seems we only get together when someone graduates.
I'm not knocking your story but I can't stand being somewhere for the rest of my life and being poor and having no career opportunity when I can just move somewhere and make a decent to very good living and have career opportunities to support a family of my own in the future and when I have kids too make sure they can have a good education.
Well to be honest, I do not know how making geographical move, will help career opportunities unless you are in middle of very remote area. I did that twice myself, and well, even there I worked at a stressful social work job for 12 bucks an hour in the mid-90s and got sick. I did the young thing of moving to a big city for career advancement. I guess one thing i should say it can be a gamble it doesnt always work out. All my siblings moved for jobs, some ended up poor, now some are so poor, they cant visit. I only see my brother only once every 2-3 years. There is no HOME now either. The best thing to offer kids to be honest is stable home evironment where they are not moved.
I fully agree with you there!!!!! I REALLY wish more people from my generation would get this. Life isn't all about moving all over the place and chasing money. I love where I live now and I've decided I'm not going to move all over to chase some career.
Unless God has other plans, I could see myself staying here in Three Rivers for a long time. I might be able to make more money following the herd to the South or Southwest, but I'd be far from family and friends; and I wouldn't be nearly as happy. It's not because I'm xenophobic, I love to travel and see new places, but my HOME is in SW Michigan.
It sounds like you have your head on your sholders about this. Really many people move for more money and it is a mistake. Like the mistake I did in following husband here, when my heart had told me STAY! A lot of the times the money doesnt pan out. Traveling and having a home is better. Your town seems nice to me, it is one of my great possiblities by the way. Am on the list for housing there.
Here's a fun fact: 50 years ago, moving to a new home (even in the same city) was considered to be a cause of major grief, the same as being orphaned or diagnosed with a life-threatening illness. These days people move every 3 years or so and are not expected to be affected by that at all. They turn up in the doctor's office with what looks like depression and are diagnosed with that -- a mental illness! -- and are slapped on antidepressants, as if their disconnected, uprooted lives, loneliness and homesickness had nothing to do with the way they feel when they wake up in the morning.
It is possible to build new networks wherever you go, but the effort can be exhausting.
I have felt grief over the move of late 2006-2007. I realized it is 2009, and I am still not over it. I have connected with very few people here but my health declined making it harder to meet anyone new. St. Joe people seem far more reculsive then people in Hillsdale were. Now I am probably going to be leaving even here.
This move is going to be ending a marriage. People do not realize it but without outside supporting friends and family, a marriage is more likely to fail.
My hsuband after he was laid off here, has never looked for a normal job and it is like every bad attribute was multiplied by 100. He has not worked a normal job in three years. I have gone bankrupt and on welfare in addition to everything else going bad.
Quote:
They turn up in the doctor's office with what looks like depression and are diagnosed with that -- a mental illness! -- and are slapped on antidepressants, as if their disconnected, uprooted lives, loneliness and homesickness had nothing to do with the way they feel when they wake up in the morning.
Thanks for writing this.
One of my life dreams has been to have a community of some sort, to have some connection to others. Emailing people and talking to distant people on the phone isnt cutting it. When I am single if I was ever to date again, I would want a man with connections to others, who has some relatives, I even married someone with only one long distant living relative that has very little to do with us. . If I was not sick, I would seriously consider an alternative sort of life, an intentional community [hopefully Christian--watching out for cults LOL], but being disabled, I am not a candidate.
People do not understand homesickeness. Today you are supposed not to care. Some friends online are supposed to be good enough even if you havent seen one other person in years.
I have suffered for another person's bad choices and failings for too long. I guess if I screw up my life, on my own it will be totally my own doing.
i hear you on that.... i made the switch when i left the military and pursued a new chapter in my life as a civilian. i found myself in Michigan... where it seems just as bad as when i left down south where i was stationed - one extreme to the next in terms of climate but both very poor states.
i can't seem to develop those social bonds anymore for some reason. i am an outgoing person who enjoys the social side of life. it's been a little over 6 mths now where i've lived in michigan and i haven't found ANYONE who's worth hanging out with (guy or girl).
people at work are in their own world who aren't entirely open to share their world with me. maybe it was a military mindset - where people come and go all the time so others are more apt to open up. i've worked with several people in my new job here with people that have lived in michigan all their lives (never left the state or flew on an airplane)... they know all the places to go and have a huge social network considering that they grew up with those people but they're not willing to include anyone who's "outside" of their world. the majority of them are married and/or with kids so obviously priorities aren't the same.
i've looked around - been to coffee shops, local bars, and some volunteer events around here but couldn't find a place where i "fit in". seems like i'm still finding that sense of belonging and at times, i miss my buddies that i was stationed with. the saying goes that especially moving to a new place without knowing anyone sucks and takes roughly six months to overcome that feeling and move on... don't think it's happened.
Rutt,
I feel for you too. I bet you do miss your buddies. I know from my one friend in the military the moves are hard on her too. I havent found anyone to hang out with too. There are some friendly people at church, but even I find myself thinking because of what happened in Hillsdale, thinking Why bother? They will see the back of me or them. That is a new feeling I have inside as I always was the sort to like meeting people, so it worries me. It sounds like you have done the looking around. I think people today due to economy and stress are more bunkered down too. I have seen a change even within 5 years. Hope things get better for you.
I promise you things will get better. You sound like a really nice person, a friendly person, who has had a rough time lately. You will find your way.
Life isn't fair and some of us get a raw deal. I don't think any of us "deserve" what we get, be it something good or bad.
Thanks for being so nice and for your compliments. I am hoping things get better. Yeah I know life isnt fair and some do get a raw deal. I try to be happy as I can be, even facing this stuff. One thing I have enjoyed living here is the scenery, the lake always provides some beauty. That I will never forget.
A lot of my sadness is just missing too many people too.
I think it is sort of like dating. If you are looking actively for someone to date, usually you won't find anyone. Same thing goes with friends. I meet people all the time and make friends in some of the oddest places. (Train stations, restaurants, etc..) I think if you really geniunely want to get to know someone, they can sense that. People also have a good sense of desperation. I've blown people off for being too eager to want to have something to do with me, especially if I am just out and about working out, reading, or whatever. That approach has to take into account that the person is really not in any situation where they are wanting to meet someone else for the most part. I really think meeting people, male whether it is of the same or opposite sex is a skill.
That being said, I find Michigan easier to meet people then say Southern California. In MI it is polite to be polite, where as in So Cal it is best to mind your own business. I feel that some Michigander's are too open with wanting to be involved in someone elses business, which drives some people off. I also feel that the GR, Holland area are tougher areas to develop new friends since in most cases you are not just intergrating into one person's live, but a congregation of folks that in many cases have known each other for years. Many small Michigan towns are also skeptical of any new people in general. I'd prefer to not get involved in any real meeting of people in small town Michigan unless it is a very attractive female I think is worth dating, or if the day ever comes that I decide I want to root in a small town for at least 5 years. Otherwise the idea of everyone knowing your schedule, life, etc is a bit creepy to me.
Yes I know desperation can drive people off. I am having a hard time balancing that out. Most people by a certain age, have their lives already set, so it can be tough. I do not have the energy to go out a lot either. One long distant friend says to me, you are like the dog chasing the car, what are you going to do when you catch it, she has a point because I have so many long distant friends, it takes effort to keep up with them all. I do think Western MI is more reculsive then Eastern Mi, havent figured out why, it is kind of strange. Every small town in Michigan has a different kind of vibe to it, it is weird, some are provincial where no one will talk to you and some more friendly. I guess I lived in town where everyone kind of knew my business, but I am boring as far as gossip goes so there was nothing exciting to talk about LOL But I could see how that could be a problem for folks.
I have made friends in Chinese restaurants and other weird places to. Some of my friend making ability has been impacted by health. I think even here, I could be doing a lot better if I could get out more. I do miss the OLD people too much, I tend to be the type to get very attached to others. {I even still write and talk to three friends from college, some may say so what, I was in college 23 years ago} This is another reason for me, divorcing is going to be a nightmare, no matter the ill deeds on the part of the other party--I of course wasnt perfect either.
I agree with the original thread 100%. This thread should be moved to the "General Moving" or General US" forums. But anyway, I am 31, have moved so many times I lost count. I grew up in northern CA, moved several times as a child, never had any "home town roots." After high school, I continued to move, dragging my boyfriend from town to town. It was fun and exciting for several years, until we got married and had a baby. It was then that we realized that we wanted and needed to be back around family, back somewhere that felt like "home." Since I don't have a real "hometown," we are moving to my husbands hometown in the Midwest. There, we know everyone in town, have a big close knit family there and everyone is so excited and will be welcoming us back with open arms. It's not that meeting new people or making new friends is "hard" when you move to a new place, but it's true that if you keep moving, there always that feeling that something is missing from your life. It's your friends and family! I loved moving when I was in my 20's and carefree. I wanted to experience life, and I did. Now I'm ready to settle down in a place where my daughter can grow up and someday have "hometown roots." I want her to have what I didn't as a child. And one more thing, yes, it's true that it seems people who move a lot have less, and are sometimes less successful in the long run. Because most likely you keep starting new jobs from the bottom, and live in rental houses instead of owning, you don't have any "connections" in those town, no TRUE friends, no family around, etc.. Living like that is fun for awhile, but for me, it got really old. I'm 31, have no "true" friends, no stable career, no savings, etc.. I've lost touch with most of the people from my past, gave up good jobs, missed out on opportunities, have never owned a house, and never really stayed anywhere long enough to aquire these things. But that's all going to change this Spring. We are finally going to settle down, buy a house, and raise our daughter. But I will always have fond memories of my travels.
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But I could see how that could be a problem for folks. 
An idea.
