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My inlaws live a few states away. When we visit we stay in a hotel, which is fine. But I found it odd we were never invited over. I haven't been in their home for at least three years. Mother in law finally admitted it's because she has too many sentimental items and she's afraid they will get broken. I will admit, my older son did break a plate during one visit years ago when he was about 2 years old. Thankfully it was just a generic dinner plate and nothing "special". In the meantime, the boys been able to live in our home and visit my parents without breaking any Waterford or Belleek. I find the whole thing odd.
We are going to visit again in three weeks and we are once again staying in a hotel and having to eat all meals out at restaurants or as take out at the hotel. Does anyone else have this kind of arrangements with their grandkids? My parents have us over often and the boys are never an issue.
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
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We look forward to every visit from our grandson (age 3), and often offer to have him stay overnight or even two nights.
Fortunately they are only 45 minutes away but we'd be happy to have them all stay over in guest rooms if they lived farther away. I do find it odd that anyone could consider sentimental items more important than their grandchildren, or in-laws for that matter. If nothing else, they could pack up the fragile things when you are coming to visit.
I did ask if she could move a few items of significant importance and she said everything is important and she will not move all the items in her house. I guess we just keep eating out and staying at the Residence Inn. We would visit more often if it didn't become so expensive. But a five day trip costs close to $1,000.
We look forward to every visit from our grandson (age 3), and often offer to have him stay overnight or even two nights.
Fortunately they are only 45 minutes away but we'd be happy to have them all stay over in guest rooms if they lived farther away. I do find it odd that anyone could consider sentimental items more important than their grandchildren, or in-laws for that matter. If nothing else, they could pack up the fragile things when you are coming to visit.
I agree.
However, there are some homes that are extremely difficult to "child proof". Do your in-laws have fragile, antique furniture? Or glass topped coffee tables and end tables? Or shelf after shelf after shelf of breakable items? Or white couches and white carpeting? Or something similar? Or, maybe they have not been able to keep up with their housekeeping and are embarrassed about the mess and clutter?
I know that some people (once their own children are grown and leave home) turn their home into a show piece. Is that the case with your in-laws?
It is also possible that the "generic" dinner wear that your two year old broke was really not that generic and they did not tell you or they thought that you did not take it seriously. And why was a two year old eating off of something breakable? If your in-laws did not have plastic, child plates and cups you should have brought some along or purchased a set and left it at their house.
Perhaps, your husband, their son, could discuss it with them. Perhaps there is "more to the story", such as health or mobility problems that they do not want to share with you. Or, maybe your children are more active than you think that they are? Or, maybe they are hoarders? Or, maybe something else.
Are there other grandchildren that do visit their house?
Last edited by germaine2626; 12-08-2014 at 03:15 PM..
They are not hoarders and their house is very clean...no housekeeping issues. I know the plate wasn't a big deal...she had purchased them fairly recently as an every day dinner set.
As for inside...I have no idea what their furniture looks like. They purchased all new items since the last time we visited. There are a lot of knick knacks, but a cartoon on tv or a family board game or the ipad will keep the boys entertained.
I understand the hotel portion...it's intrusive to have four extra people in your home. I just find it odd they won't even invite us over for a meal.
As for grandkids, ours are the only two.
As an aside, I just asked my four year old what their house looks like. He said "I don't know". I asked if he's ever been in it and he said no.
I think you are going over and above by visiting under those circumstances. When we visit our grandson, we do stay in a hotel, but that's our choice, and not likely to change. If our son and his family were visiting us, I would offer accommodations. Whether or not they accept is up to them. But to not even offer you meals just boggles my mind. What's the point of going? Where do you gather?
We go out everywhere. She likes to plan day trips. So we may go to a museum and out for lunch, or go in to the city.
The next trip looks like this:
Arrive Monday late afternoon. I requested a simple dinner (pizza, subs, etc) by the hotel pool so the kids can play and let off energy after a 7+ hour car ride. She's not interested so they are staying home that night and won't see the boys until the next day. Tuesday we will meet at my brother in laws house at 10am to open Christmas presents, then we will go into the city for lunch and to view Christmas displays. I'm not sure what dinner plans are.
Wednesday we will meet in the city again to go to the Children's Museum and have lunch.
Thursday we will drive 7+ hours home again.
**Note: I will be doing this drive alone as my husband is working**
I did ask if she could move a few items of significant importance and she said everything is important and she will not move all the items in her house. I guess we just keep eating out and staying at the Residence Inn. We would visit more often if it didn't become so expensive. But a five day trip costs close to $1,000.
Save your money and tell Grandma that the road goes both ways and that your children "should" be much more important than those "special" items.
Then stay home and put that $1000.00 to better use.
If your husband can't go, why are you going? Wouldn't it be better to have Christmas at home without being in a car for so long with two kids by yourself going to see in-laws that are not exactly welcoming? Other than opening presents at the BIL's, the museum visit, sight seeing and meals out are about as impersonal as it gets.
What does your husband say about never staying at or visiting with them at their house? Do the in-laws ever stay with you? Lastly, are your boys figuring this out or are they oblivious to it still? I can see why you are asking about this, it doesn't make sense and if your kids aren't asking about it now, they will be.
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