Grandparents, why do you always have to be around? (old, babysit, child)
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You can't go on like this. You will end up divorced. I hate confrontation, so I'm having trouble telling you to go ask them to leave because I know I couldn't have done it when I was a newly wed or a new parent. It needs to happen, though. I can't believe people are so selfish or so clueless. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.
Why do the granddads have to visit on weekends? If their wives are at your house with the baby all week, why can't they stop by during the week? Still working? Doesn't matter. Not everyone needs to see the baby every week.
Everyone wants time with the baby. I want to eventually include the granddads in during the week and stop Saturday’s. But honestly, given how Sunday’s are going, I don’t think I’m ever going to get Saturday back.
He said he meant to tell me but just got distracted and forgot.
Is he on the autism spectrum, by chance?
I am really just trying to find any reasonable explanation for his behavior.
I guess he could be going through his own version of post-partum and really be in denial about your situation. You two have been through a LOT of changes in the past year.
What is stopping you from telling them that Sundays are off-bounds?
Well for one thing, they aren’t asking me. They’re asking my husband. It’s one thing if they called me and asked. I would be more comfortable saying now isn’t a good time. But once they’re already over, I don’t have it in me to kick them out.
In situations where my husband asks me if it’s ok, if I say no, there’s a lot of tension and a lot of guilt tripping me. And I get worn down and give in. I don’t want to address in my in laws directly because I want to have a good relationship with them. I think they would take it better if my H told them “we would like Sunday’s to be a family” vs if I said “sorry we don’t want you over, we want family time”.
And I really thought my husband and I were on the same page after our talk but apparently not. He told me today that when he said he understood, he meant he understood I’m frustrated. But he never said he agreed or that Sunday’s were off limits. And that’s true, he never said the words “ok, Sunday’s are family time”. My mistake in assuming him understanding meant him agreeing ugh. As of now we are still in a conflict over Sunday’s. I don’t understand why he’s putting up such a fight about this. I think it should be very clear why I need alone time.
Before we were married, there were no indications he would need his parents over so much. Honestly he didn’t seem that close to them.
I am really just trying to find any reasonable explanation for his behavior.
I guess he could be going through his own version of post-partum and really be in denial about your situation. You two have been through a LOT of changes in the past year.
I think having a baby is more work then he ever thought it would be. The baby doesn’t just sleep or laugh all day. He cries and throw Fits, he isn’t sleeping through the night yet so we are both exhausted. The baby is a lot of work. Work the grandparents are only too happy to do.
The only thing I am confused about here is your insistence on inserting yourself into this drama. You can continue to pat yourself on the back if you want, but anyone reading can see that you are not the only one who thinks the MIL/DIL conflict is part of the problem
The whole thread is full of people who think that.
Anyway ... back to our regularly scheduled programming ...
Yep.
Just why are you inserting yourself into this drama? And who quit and made you mod that you can tell me to leave the conversation? And what kind of a crack is that about the husband possibly having Asperger's? Just what qualifies you to diagnose that?
I suggested a few days ago that the couple make Sundays their day.
I think having a baby is more work then he ever thought it would be. The baby doesn’t just sleep or laugh all day. He cries and throw Fits, he isn’t sleeping through the night yet so we are both exhausted. The baby is a lot of work. Work the grandparents are only too happy to do.
That's basically the story of life for almost every new parent.
I'm sorry that you are going through this. It's hard enough when you have a supportive partner.
However, you will need to start developing that "mama bear" instinct you've probably read about before, and you may have to be the one to put your foot down in favor of the family.
It will be awkward at first, but if you plan your "talking points" and approach it gently, reasonable adults should get your point.
Some time on Saturday when both GPs are there, you could say, "H and I have been talking, and now that we have lived with this arrangment for a little while now, there are a few changes we would like to make."
Then tell them how you appreciate their willingness to watch the baby during the day, and share with them how you now realize that your own bonding time with the child is limited. Just let them know that you'd like Sundays to be visitor-free.
You are within your rights to ask for what you want and need.
If H won't take charge or even back you, then you have to back yourself.
That's basically the story of life for almost every new parent.
I'm sorry that you are going through this. It's hard enough when you have a supportive partner.
However, you will need to start developing that "mama bear" instinct you've probably read about before, and you may have to be the one to put your foot down in favor of the family.
It will be awkward at first, but if you plan your "talking points" and approach it gently, reasonable adults should get your point.
Some time on Saturday when both GPs are there, you could say, "H and I have been talking, and now that we have lived with this arrangment for a little while now, there are a few changes we would like to make."
Then tell them how you appreciate their willingness to watch the baby during the day, and share with them how you now realize that your own bonding time with the child is limited. Just let them know that you'd like Sundays to be visitor-free.
You are within your rights to ask for what you want and need.
If H won't take charge or even back you, then you have to back yourself.
Yes true. I’m going to have to address this myself and not rely on my H.
When I read CD threads, I almost always think about the other side of the story. With this one, I didn't. No one should have to be told that being at their adult child's house 7 days/week for hours at a time is too much. No one should have to be told that newlyweds with a new baby might want their weekends to themselves. No one should have to be told that working parents might want alone time with their baby on the weekends. No one should have to be told not to let themselves into their adult kid's home. They shouldn't put their son or DIL in the position of having to tell them to stop coming over. It's ridiculous. I don't know how anyone could be so clueless.
Exactly!! The OP has very normal standards here and it's not remotely too much to expect to get to have at least one day a week without a grandparent around.
When I read CD threads, I almost always think about the other side of the story. With this one, I didn't.
No one should have to be told that being at their adult child's house 7 days/week for hours at a time is too much.
No one should have to be told that newlyweds with a new baby might want their weekends to themselves.
No one should have to be told that working parents might want alone time with their baby on the weekends.
No one should have to be told not to let themselves into their adult kid's home.
They shouldn't put their son or DIL in the position of having to tell them to stop coming over. It's ridiculous.
I don't know how anyone could be so clueless.
Excellent points!
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