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Theirs just excited. The novelty of a baby will wear off. I wouldn’t worry about telling them. Just tell them you appreciate that they are helping you with the baby but you want to have days of family time to bond with your child and that they need to respect your wishes. Your husband needs to back you up on this completely.
While you may hurt their feelings apply it across the board to all Grandparent lines. If they don’t cant won’t understand that’s really on them. I don’t see why they wouldn’t understan
The baby is 4 1/2 months old.....not like he's 2 weeks old. The novelty won't wear off. Some grandparents are just ridiculously overbearing. One of my grandmothers is like this with my brother still and he's 38 years old! He's her baby. It's really creepy.
There is almost always MIL/DIL conflict, especially early in a marriage. Husbands are often clueless to it. Dealbreaker? That's a big jump.
It's just that I know a number of people for whom it didn't help at all, sometimes made things worse. My bro's ex was telling me one thing she wanted to discuss with the counselor was my bro's excessive smoking (4 pks/day). Counselor came in and said "Do you mind if I smoke?" End of that idea. Plus, as one person wrote on a different message board, "it opened up some old wounds and poured salt in existing ones". My former MIL said everyone she knew who saw a pastor for marriage counseling ended up getting divorced.
OK, so now we have your random list of bad therapy stories. For every one of those I have a success story. But I don't think that my getting in a war of last words (yet again) with you will help the OP.
The husband's behavior would be a dealbreaker for many. Yes, he is behaving in a clueless way about the baby. In addition to that he has refused to acknowledge his wife's pain and consider her suggestion for help.
It's too much to deal with IN ADDITION to an overbearing MIL.
The OP has been through a lot of changes in the last year, and if she thinks therapy would be a good idea for herself, she absolutely should consider it.
You would feel exactly like that if he was in daycare, except that it would be random caregivers witnessing all of his firsts, instead of family members who love him like you do.
This is a case of you not being able to have it all. You can work full time and accept that your baby will be spending more time with others than with you, or you can reduce your work hours and spend more time with the baby.
I do think you should put your foot down about the weekends, except that it's probably nice to be able to run errands and grocery shop without bringing the little one along.
Yep, a woman I worked with, her son had all his firsts at daycare, first word, first steps, first potty. She didn't care, but I thought it was really really sad.
That being said, tell them to stay home on weekends.
I’m seeking some advice from grandparents because I don’t know what to think.
Ever since I had DS last November, it’s been a constant stream of grandparents and I’m at the point where I can’t take it anymore. When I was on maternity leave, we had grandparents stop by 3-4 times a week for 4/5 at a time.
Now that I’m back at work, grandmothers are our daycare. This is NOT my choice but the result of my H and both grandmothers insisting. MIL watches LO 3days and my mom does 2 days. These are full days, 8-6. So during the week, I only get to spend a handful of hours with LO before he sleeps for the night. I do work from home, but I hav a demanding job so I don’t see LO during working hours. Then on saturdays, it’s the grandfathers turn. We split the day in half so each set of grandparents get to spend 4-5 hours with LO. So you can see, grandparents see my son more than I do. Monday through Saturday is Given to the grandparents. They’re not deprived of grandkid time.
That leaves Sunday. The only day I get a full day with my child. And even that is slowly being taken away from me. My in laws insist on stopping by for just an hour on Sunday. But of course it is not just an hour. It lasts hours. And I’m sick of it. I’m sick of sharing my child with grandparents. With my parents, they just play with LO. With my MIL, I feel like I’m co parenting. She parents my child.
DH is useless and doesn’t see anything wrong with grandparents around all the time. I’m fighting for Sunday free of grandparents but I don’t see why I need to at all. What is so wrong with me wantin to spend time with my child? Why am I paints out to be the bad guy because I want one day out of 7? He’s my son and I have to share him with everyone.
So grandparents. Please explain to me. Why do they always have to be around? Why can’t they leave th new family alone? Why am I wrong in not wanting them around all the time? Please explain because I’m beyond frustrated.
You'd better hope that these grandparents don't follow this forum.
Yep, a woman I worked with, her son had all his firsts at daycare, first word, first steps, first potty. She didn't care, but I thought it was really really sad.
That being said, tell them to stay home on weekends.
I have a Masters Degree in Early Childhood Development, while I was in education some of the other graduate students were in Day Care Administration or a similar field. Our professors advised us not to tell parents "Your child took his first step today!", "Yippee! Johnny said his first word today!" etc. but to always wait until the parents shared the exciting news with you. Frankly, I did not need a professor to tell me that, as it is just common sense. Why make the parents feel sad and guilty about missing their child's milestones.
Now, as an Early Childhood Special Needs Teacher, I have said "Mary seems very close to taking her first independent steps" or "George seems very close to starting talking" so that they are watching and aware but I normally allowed the parents to experience the actual firsts on their own.
It seems almost cruel for the day care provider to tell the parent about all of those firsts. And, what is the big deal if Sally took a step at 3 PM at the day center and they kept quiet about it so that her parents could experience their daughter's FIRST STEP! at 6 PM that night. It isn't like the day care center and the parents are in competition over that child.
Yep, a woman I worked with, her son had all his firsts at daycare, first word, first steps, first potty. She didn't care, but I thought it was really really sad.
That being said, tell them to stay home on weekends.
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626
I have a Masters Degree in Early Childhood Development, while I was in education some of the other graduate students were in Day Care Administration or a similar field. Our professors advised us not to tell parents "Your child took his first step today!", "Yippee! Johnny said his first word today!" etc. but to always wait until the parents shared the exciting news with you. Frankly, I did not need a professor to tell me that, as it is just common sense. Why make the parents feel sad and guilty about missing their child's milestones.
Now, as an Early Childhood Special Needs Teacher, I have said "Mary seems very close to taking her first independent steps" or "George seems very close to starting talking" so that they are watching and aware but I normally allowed the parents to experience the actual firsts on their own.
It seems almost cruel for the day care provider to tell the parent about all of those firsts. And, what is the big deal if Sally took a step at 3 PM at the day center and they kept quiet about it so that her parents could experience their daughter's FIRST STEP! at 6 PM that night. It isn't like the day care center and the parents are in competition over that child.
I will never know for sure, but I am fairly certain that the daycare my son was at for his first couple of years had this policy to never share a first until the parents mentioned it. I was grateful for that, because really, it didn't matter if he had actually taken a step or said a word, when I saw it, it counted as the first. And they would act super surprised and excited whenever I shared the news. I'm sure that sometimes, I truly did see the first milestone whatever. But I'm fairly sure that sometimes, they saw it and just were polite and held back so I could experience the joy of that moment. Assuming I'm correct, the lack of technically not being the first step or whatever doesn't take away that joy of me being able to believe it was the first.
I have spoken with my mom. Her advice regarding in laws and Sunday is to give in. She told me to be generous with my time. And I think I’ve been more than generous but it’s still not enough. If MIL comes over and baby is taking a nap, she’ll eiher wake him up when I’m not watching or simply come back a few hours later so she gets to play with him during waking hours. It’s just too much.
And I’m sorry, I kno I complained and ranted a lot on here. It’s hard to stop when thand floodgates are opened.
I disagree with your mother. I am a grandmother and I would never intrude on my son and DIL like this. You need to calm down and give all the grandparents notice that effective immediately you need Sundays all to yourselves. No visits. Foot down. End of story. They will get over it. This is a phone call:
“Hi Mary/Mom/Dad/etc., I am making a pretty uncomfortable call but its just so necessary for my personal health. We are going to become hermits on Sundays. That means no visits and no phone calls. I just really need one day a week of just me, John and the baby. I hope you understand. But regardless, I am going to start this right away.”
Another piece of advise: Let your husband know you are going to take on this issue and he’s off the hook with facing his parents. And, in return, he can give you a nice foot massage on Sunday.
I wish that my grand parents were still around. I miss them......
I had young grandparents on both sides.. They provided my parents with childcare that they wouldn’t otherwise have been able to afford. Watching them grow older and sicker saddens me. But I have so many wonderful memories of time spent with them.
I would imagine there was tension between my parents and the various in laws at times. My mom talks about having to set boundaries, especially with my father’s mother. She basically took over raising my cousins. She even moved them in for years. My mom absolutely refused let us spend more than a weekend sleeping over. I think she was worried we wouldn’t be sent back. 😂
I had young grandparents on both sides.. They provided my parents with childcare that they wouldn’t otherwise have been able to afford. Watching them grow older and sicker saddens me. But I have so many wonderful memories of time spent with them.
I would imagine there was tension between my parents and the various in laws at times. My mom talks about having to set boundaries, especially with my father’s mother. She basically took over raising my cousins. She even moved them in for years. My mom absolutely refused let us spend more than a weekend sleeping over. I think she was worried we wouldn’t be sent back. 😂
My grandparents lived in Europe. Spain and France. My twin and I spent a couple of summers with each set. When we were 14 we spent the summer in Spain and the next year in France. We had some pretty awesome experiences that we will never forget.
I had young grandparents on both sides.. They provided my parents with childcare that they wouldn’t otherwise have been able to afford. Watching them grow older and sicker saddens me. But I have so many wonderful memories of time spent with them.
I would imagine there was tension between my parents and the various in laws at times. My mom talks about having to set boundaries, especially with my father’s mother. She basically took over raising mycousins. She even moved them in for years. My mom absolutely refused let us spend more than a weekend sleeping over. I think she was worried we wouldn’t be sent back. 😂
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sydney123
My grandparents lived in Europe. Spain and France. My twin and I spent a couple of summers with each set. When we were 14 we spent the summer in Spain and the next year in France. We had some pretty awesome experiences that we will never forget.
There is tremendous difference between visiting your grandparents in the summers, when you are teenagers, and having the grandparents "take over the parenting", move the grandchildren in with them and refuse to return the children back to their parents (as charmed hour was describing).
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