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The problem with advice from MIL is that H relies too much on it. He says we will raise LO how we want to regardless of anyone else. But when it comes down to it, he needs his mom’s approval. For example, our PED said it was ok to start on solid food now, but I wanted to wait another month or so. He argued with me to start LO now. But when his mom agreed with me to wait, suddenly he was fine with waiting too. I get really upset over things like this because I’m ssentially coparenting with MIL. And H doesn’t understand why I’m upset because “I got my way”.
I have suggested this and H refuses. According to him, everything is fine. And it probably is fine for him, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to put a smile on my face some days. It’s wearing me down.
I have suggested this and H refuses. According to him, everything is fine. And it probably is fine for him, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to put a smile on my face some days. It’s wearing me down.
I'm worn out for you. Maybe consider going to a counselor by yourself. You need someone to vent this frustration to and give you some coping mechanisms.
Here are your options:
1) You put your child first and raise your baby sacrificing your other job.
2) You continue to let the grandparents raise the child.
3) You let daycare workers or stranger nanny, babysitter raise your child.
The hours spent on job is the same for a child in care: full-time and part-time, or fully in the care of mother. Perhaps if your parents and husband's parents see you are willing to put aside your other job for awhile until son enters school, they'll stop demanding so much.
They've basically taken on the role of parents not grandparents-- probably for fear child will be put into daycare or homecare with strangers.
(You need to place them back in their proper place.)
These days the prospect of daycare of babysitter is super frightening to all concerned.. And remember, they probably watch a lot of news programs that heighten their fears and anxiety.
Last edited by picklejuice; 03-21-2018 at 01:32 PM..
I'm worn out for you. Maybe consider going to a counselor by yourself. You need someone to vent this frustration to and give you some coping mechanisms.
Yes I think this is a good idea. I’ll ask my OB for some recommendations for PP therapists. It couldn’t hurt in any case
I have suggested this and H refuses. According to him, everything is fine. And it probably is fine for him, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to put a smile on my face some days. It’s wearing me down.
When my husband can't listen, I tell him about something I read or about my friends who are having similar issues. He's more likely to listen to what he thinks of as gossip about a friend and to analyze their problems than he is to listen to complaints about his own behavior, but he's able to draw a parallel between his behavior and the offensive thing my friend says her husband is doing. And yes, I know, as a grown man he should be able to sit down and discuss issues and I shouldn't have to resort to various communication strategies, but sometimes they just aren't where we need them to be yet.
Maybe that would help you communicate with your husband. You could say you read an article or a blog about the issue that you need to discuss, or even one where the grandparents went way too far (try reading Just NO MIL sub on reddit, if you need some of those stories) and then say that you're lucky that your baby has such good grandparents, even if sometimes you do feel (and then describe the way you feel). That way your husband is already engaged in listening before you get to the complaints, and he doesn't shut down instantly.
Here are your options:
1) You put your child first and raise your baby sacrificing your other job.
2) You continue to let the grandparents raise the child.
3) You let daycare workers or stranger nanny, babysitter raise your child.
The hours spent on job is the same for a child in care: full-time and part-time, or fully in the care of mother. Perhaps if your parents and husband's parents see you are willing to put aside your other job for awhile until son enters school, they'll stop demanding so much.
They've basically taken on the role of parents not grandparents-- probably for fear child will be put into daycare or homecare with strangers.
These days that prospect is super frightening and uncertain to all concerned.. And remember, they probably watch a lot of news programs that heighten their fears and anxiety.
The OP doesn't have as much of a problem with the grandparents providing daycare as she does with them also coming over on the weekends to spend time with the baby. She just wants some alone time with her child which is completely understandable.
The problem with advice from MIL is that H relies too much on it. He says we will raise LO how we want to regardless of anyone else. But when it comes down to it, he needs his mom’s approval. For example, our PED said it was ok to start on solid food now, but I wanted to wait another month or so. He argued with me to start LO now. But when his mom agreed with me to wait, suddenly he was fine with waiting too. I get really upset over things like this because I’m ssentially coparenting with MIL. And H doesn’t understand why I’m upset because “I got my way”.
I've got two words for you; Marie Barone!
You need to put your foot down and put people in their places otherwise you'll be living a life not that much different than Debra Barone with that weak willed husband (far as his mother was concerned) Raymond Barone.
The problem with advice from MIL is that H relies too much on it. He says we will raise LO how we want to regardless of anyone else. But when it comes down to it, he needs his mom’s approval. For example, our PED said it was ok to start on solid food now, but I wanted to wait another month or so. He argued with me to start LO now. But when his mom agreed with me to wait, suddenly he was fine with waiting too. I get really upset over things like this because I’m ssentially coparenting with MIL. And H doesn’t understand why I’m upset because “I got my way”.
Was he a momma's boy when you got married? Or has he changed and now needs mommy's approval? Either way, there's going to be this power struggle unless he wakes up and realizes that he his own family to take care of. His mommy raised her family already.
Sadly, many couples do get divorced over this whole meddling in-law issue. The in-laws wouldn't meddle nearly as much if their child actually said something and meant it.
You need to put your foot down and put people in their places otherwise you'll be living a life not that much different than Debra Barone with that weak willed husband (far as his mother was concerned) Raymond Barone.
OMG!!! YES!!!!!!! I never understood how anyone could live within 10 miles of relatives after watching that show. And she's based on a real person. YIKES!
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