Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
After having been separated for most of their grownup lives (work moves, college, other moves, etc.,) we decided to get nearer to them after decades apart. Didn't really work. We see them about as much as if they lived hours away. We left all our connections for this, and have been sorry ever since.
They were raised to be independent, and they live happy lives, I assume, and don't really need us to be right there. We thought we were making it easy for them when we died and they had to sort through everything and make decisions, but we don't seem to be dying yet and still have our own lives to live. We are now thinking we need to find a place that's right for US, and not worry about living near their location, which is not somewhere we would have chosen to live otherwise.
Added: I see that I posted at least two other times in the past, saying we were going to make this move. Well, now that we've made it, I might advise others to think carefully about whether it is worth giving up your whole lifestyle and circle of friends for this, especially if there are no grandchildren, or, as in our case, they are already grown.
Last edited by ndcairngorm; 05-02-2024 at 05:38 AM..
Reason: Added para.
We live near our grandkids (about half an hour) and are fairly involved in their lives. It does take a village when the parents work full-time and they have 5 kids. Sometimes it's too much and we've learned to just say no because we also work full-time. But most of the time we enjoy making the memories.
I'm glad when they grow up they're going to be able to say we were around a lot. We are almost always there for their extracurricular stuff like band, drama, and chorus performances, and during the summer we keep the oldest 3 a lot of the time. They have grown up swimming in the pool and skiing on a lake.
The youngest 2 are from a newer husband whom we love, but because they are so young they stay in daycare and we don't see them as much yet. But I'm sure when they start going to school we will be back to taking to/picking up from school and other activities.
We have found a place we like for retirement which is about 5 hours away, but they will be old enough to come see us, in fact the older three will be driving by then.
Last edited by clevergirl67; 05-02-2024 at 10:27 AM..
Couple from Scotland moved to Australia to be with their married son and wife... ... then another son joined them.... first couple then decided to come back home to Scotland leaving their parents and brother over there...
We are now thinking we need to find a place that's right for US, and not worry about living near their location, which is not somewhere we would have chosen to live otherwise.
That is a big part of our staying where we are; we have no love for Texas and that is where they live.
I don’t check into C-D these days but on my way to other things I stumbled upon this thread….
I have lived in the NE US my entire life. When I retired I decided to move to Gulf Coast Fl and have been here for 5 years. In the meantime, daughter #2 settled in TX, got married and gave birth to her son. Her and hubby hate TX and after he gets out of the military (where they met) they plan on relocating to ME. My son-in-law‘s parent live on Cape Cod and his folks are originally from ME.
My daughter frets about me being alone (not without reason) and wants me to move to ME if/when they settle there. I’m not exactly opposed to the idea—my oldest lives in CT where we all used to live so it would be a benefit to be closer to her. What I’m not on board with is spending winters in ME especially if they move to some remote area of the state. My daughter and her husband plan on purchasing a place with some acreage so they would set me up in an outbuilding of some sort on their property so I could have my own space. Anyway, that’s the plan.
My “pie in the sky†idea is to do a 6 mo/6 mo deal and keep FL as my state of residency as I think that would benefit me tax wise. I currently rent an apartment so I would have to find something more permanent like a condo or mobile home—or house share (not ideal) but I’m not sure I can swing it as FL’s real estate market has skyrocketed.
I’ve gone the “Buy Nothing†route and have started to give away stuff both in the anticipation of moving OR dying (as I know what hell it is having to deal with disposing of an estate) I’m having knee replacement surgery in July which is event more of a motivation to clean out the second bedroom for when my kids come to stay with me the first couple of weeks after the surgery.
but I digress….
I’m excited about a change of scene and being able to hang out with my grandkids but I’m dreading the logistics of it all. There are things I miss about the NE—family, friends, etc. I haven’t really made many friends here like I thought I would. COVID didn’t help. The people I’ve met along the way that I connected with have moved for one reason or another. One of my dear friends passed away last December which was quite a shock. Right now I’m down to one close friend. For the past year I’ve have become a hermit. I live 10 steps away from the pool and 10 minutes away from the Gulf and I haven’t been in either in well over a year. It’s taken its toll on me both physically and mentally. My life could use some excitement right now!
Both our married daughters now live in Sydney and we have been involved in the grandkids’ lives for eleven years now. One lot are an hour away (forty minutes if no traffic) and the others are only ten minutes away.
We have always had to make boundaries though, the first five years we also had both our mothers to attend to as well.
Now the grandkids are all at school we just do a pickup/soccer training etc run once a week for each family. Plus extras as they arise.
We do not watch their weekend sport, we have another life to live too and as well, I feel they need weekends with their parents, who all work during the week.
But be warned, all those who fall under the spell of little babies and toddlers. In the blink of an eyelid, so it seems, they turn into school aged kids who squabble over everything they can manage. Instead of doing creative craft with them I try to help with their English homework and struggle myself (even as a retired teacher) with the more complex grammar tasks. I shudder to think of how they will be as teenagers!
Sometimes if you move nearby, as our friends have done, the grandparents feel they must be over involved to justify their move. So our friends now have a family of two adults and three kids living with them, probably for a couple of years, and do not say no to minding preschoolers for days while the parents go away on trips.
After having been separated for most of their grownup lives (work moves, college, other moves, etc.,) we decided to get nearer to them after decades apart. Didn't really work. We see them about as much as if they lived hours away. We left all our connections for this, and have been sorry ever since.
They were raised to be independent, and they live happy lives, I assume, and don't really need us to be right there. We thought we were making it easy for them when we died and they had to sort through everything and make decisions, but we don't seem to be dying yet and still have our own lives to live. We are now thinking we need to find a place that's right for US, and not worry about living near their location, which is not somewhere we would have chosen to live otherwise.
Added: I see that I posted at least two other times in the past, saying we were going to make this move. Well, now that we've made it, I might advise others to think carefully about whether it is worth giving up your whole lifestyle and circle of friends for this, especially if there are no grandchildren, or, as in our case, they are already grown.
We retired 'north' to get away from 9 months of south Texas heat, but the reason we landed where we did was because a couple of the kids were here.
We certainly see them more often than when we were 900 miles away, but it's not unusual for two or three weeks to go by without getting together even though they're three minutes up the road.
I won't say we're 'sorry', because we're much more socially active than before and enjoy the small town atmosphere. But looking back, we might have given more weight to being closer to siblings than the kids.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 29 days ago)
35,781 posts, read 18,115,470 times
Reputation: 50853
Well, these are the parents who insisted on buying trophies with their kids names on them, for every season of soccer played.
It's not surprising these parents have turned into grand parents who have given up their autonomy to help raise the next generation, their grandkids.
I've never seen such devotion and time spent grand parenting, considering the parents themselves are married and are doing fine by themselves. Or should be.
I have a friend who is taking care of an 8 month old, and a 4 year old, while her daughter and SIL are on an 8 day cruise for their 5th anniversary. REALLY?
After having been separated for most of their grownup lives (work moves, college, other moves, etc.,) we decided to get nearer to them after decades apart. Didn't really work. We see them about as much as if they lived hours away. We left all our connections for this, and have been sorry ever since.
They were raised to be independent, and they live happy lives, I assume, and don't really need us to be right there. We thought we were making it easy for them when we died and they had to sort through everything and make decisions, but we don't seem to be dying yet and still have our own lives to live. We are now thinking we need to find a place that's right for US, and not worry about living near their location, which is not somewhere we would have chosen to live otherwise.
Added: I see that I posted at least two other times in the past, saying we were going to make this move. Well, now that we've made it, I might advise others to think carefully about whether it is worth giving up your whole lifestyle and circle of friends for this, especially if there are no grandchildren, or, as in our case, they are already grown.
I learned by working with a woman who had 4 children that one could have 10 children and not have any close by once they reach adulthood. We raise our kids to be adults and to live their own lives. My husband and I decided early on that we would never follow our kids. We had our own lives.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
