Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
You either have fallen under their spell, or you are a shill who was never a Republican. Making sense of the national budget has been something people have been screaming about since the Reagan years. The same people you call "tea baggers" are the ones who voted for Reagan, gave rise to Perot and threw out the Democrats in Congress in 2010. They are also the same people who are going to make either Rand Paul or Jim DeMint our next President.
A big jug of peanut butter was was about $6 a few years ago. Now it's $11. There is no such thing as a free lunch. You cannot keep printing money and giving stuff away for free forever.
We are hopping mad at everybody and we have every right to be.
Bob,
Read my man, read.
But since you can't, I will spell it out for you.
We sort of went through a slight economic downturn recently. I had the audacity to suffer the same fate as millions of others. It wasn't the republicans who had my back and fought for unemployment extensions. In mine and millions of others' deepest darkest hour it was the democrats that understood the human condition and helped out.
I AM NOBODY'S MOTHERF**KING SHILL.
I disagree with about 90% of the democratic platform. However, what they showed when the chips were down is more than enough for me to overlook that difference. Now, before you say that I can be bought allow me to stop you. It appears that my "currency" is the ability for each individual to survive, this includes sometimes needing help. It appears that your "currency" is for a race and/or class to survive.
No man is an island.
Without individuals working together there are no races or classes.
We sort of went through a slight economic downturn recently. I had the audacity to suffer the same fate as millions of others. It wasn't the republicans who had my back and fought for unemployment extensions. In mine and millions of others' deepest darkest hour it was the democrats that understood the human condition and helped out.
I AM NOBODY'S MOTHERF**KING SHILL.
I disagree with about 90% of the democratic platform. However, what they showed when the chips were down is more than enough for me to overlook that difference. Now, before you say that I can be bought allow me to stop you. It appears that my "currency" is the ability for each individual to survive, this includes sometimes needing help. It appears that your "currency" is for a race and/or class to survive.
No man is an island.
Without individuals working together there are no races or classes.
Just you and your 10 foot pole.
I've learned one thing. The person you are responding to is full of hate. This is the same person who has said he would shoot his daughter if she brought home a Black man. Anyone with that kind of mindset, well, the best you and I could do is try to educate people and move on.
I must admit; I seriously appreciate the ability to be candid on the site that if until the mods decide to whimper, surprising we haven't had much intervention- Perplexing
enzyte I have watched you get pawned a few good times throughout the thread however I have witness you pull some valid points from your bag of sour patches. I could appreciate your honesty even your train of thought but possibly; you could utilize that creative thinking tank to assist the people you bash. The manor in which you word and express your thoughts are firsthand bashes/digs.
I would like to hear your suggestions to get the ball rolling in communities which lack enterprise. If you were black what would be your steps toward growth throughout your community and how would you address someone that approached you with the very rhetoric you have utilized? I an not attempting to be funny, rude, or condescending.
Are other old ass white guys allowed to play?
This is actually a pretty fair question. Maybe one in need of it's own thread.
I've learned one thing. The person you are responding to is full of hate. This is the same person who has said he would shoot his daughter if she brought home a Black man. Anyone with that kind of mindset, well, the best you and I could do is try to educate people and move on.
Perhaps mentally ill. More and more of such individuals are walking around without proper help.
To the op and this may have been mentioned, I think much of it has to do with media portrayal, standard of beauty, and stereotypes. There are plenty of attractive black women in the USA, but for some reason most AA women won't date outside their race. Guys deal with rejection all the time, we acclimate to rejection, but why risk rejection based on the color of your skin? When I was single I would talk to and flirt with any attractive girl I saw, but I put in very little time and effort with black women because I never knew if my skin was limiting my opportunities with them. Now with Latino/Hispanic, Asian, and Caucasian women I knew that I wouldn't get rejected based on my skin color. My current gf is black, well partly, half the reason we are dating is because she went out of her way to be around me and to go to the study groups I went to. I put in very little time pursuing her because she didn't seem receptive to my initial pursuits. Like they say, sometimes guys don't get subtlety...
Sensible post. There are a myriad of factors that contribute to the situation at hand. It's very true that the majority of AA women prefer/will not date other backgrounds. There is even hesitation to date other African descendants (not stating that is a problem). It seems that women in coming from other African/African-descended culture may be more receptive to dating others, which is understandable. A number of AA women that I have known have stated that they are not interested in other groups and/or their families would not approve, especially of them dating whites. Additionally, some have pointed out that though it isn't necessarily favorable, it is less of a problem for the males in their family to date out as opposed to the women. It seems as though things are slowly changing, however. IMO, the more AA women are open to dating other groups (and vice versa), there may be significant changes in the dating world.
Of course, you want to try hard to peg me. However, the reality is that I come from a different cultural background and married into the different culture. It's just frustrating to you that you cannot and thus, your attitude.
I have no desire to "peg" you. You are doing just fine by yourself. Nor is there any frustration on my part. I have no desire to marry whatsoever.
Either you haven't been paying attention to my posts or your reading comprehension is as bad as EnzyteBob's.
I've learned one thing. The person you are responding to is full of hate. This is the same person who has said he would shoot his daughter if she brought home a Black man. Anyone with that kind of mindset, well, the best you and I could do is try to educate people and move on.
There we go again with the meaningless buzzwords. They only work when the guy on the other side of the keyboard is some pasty-faced white ass who was weaned on liberal white guilt. Your buzzwords don't mean anything to an ethnic guy like me.
That said, I have already told you what I bring to the table. Stable family, good job, traditional morals.
What do you bring to the table? Baby mommas? Illegitimacy? Dysfunction? LMAO. Who the hell wants to be a part of that?
I must admit; I seriously appreciate the ability to be candid on the site that if until the mods decide to whimper, surprising we haven't had much intervention- Perplexing
enzyte I have watched you get pawned a few good times throughout the thread however I have witness you pull some valid points from your bag of sour patches. I could appreciate your honesty even your train of thought but possibly; you could utilize that creative thinking tank to assist the people you bash. The manor in which you word and express your thoughts are firsthand bashes/digs.
I would like to hear your suggestions to get the ball rolling in communities which lack enterprise. If you were black what would be your steps toward growth throughout your community and how would you address someone that approached you with the very rhetoric you have utilized? I an not attempting to be funny, rude, or condescending.
This is going to be a large hurdle for you guys to overcome because of your family situation. Let me tell you how it works in ethnic communities: Families help each other with money - either loans or gifts. That's why you see a lot of Indians in certain businesses ... they pool their money together and go into business. That's how my family got ahead ... we lived rent free with my grandparents for two years, then in an apartment he owned for another three years. My parents were able to save up and build a new house (my dad was in construction - he built it himself). Never had any kind of a mortgage. Likewise when going into business ... some family money that got paid back.
I think that is the main thing that holds you people behind. Your family structure is a mess and so many collect government checks which means they can't have anything. You also don't have the history of doing things in this manner so its another hurdle to overcome.
That said, I am a big fan of real estate right now. It;s a good start for someone with limited capital who isn't afraid to work. A lot of blacks are decent handymen and a lot of these inner city houses are going dirt cheap. A little bit of initiative and some elbow grease and you have a good way to start and build for something bigger without a lot of money.
I've read many threads in P&OC about how Black women have a tougher time dating and getting married than white or Asian women.
Is it the skin color or something else? If darker skin is "bad", the same thing doesn't seem to hurt Asians or Arabs tho Arabs are still "white".
No, I'm NOT trying to be a Troll.
To put it bluntly: because they are physically unattractive.
No, I'm not a "racist" who hates black people either. I'm just telling it like it is. They have ugly facial features, and I have not met a single black woman in my life who I have considered "pretty."
I am as black as most black Americans. What I mean by that is I was born to parents who self-identified as black, and who had dark skin like mine. I come from runaway slaves, freedmen, and Caribbean immigrants. The runaways were "massa's" daughters, had pale skin, freckles, and red hair. The Caribbean immigrants on the other side of my family tree also descended from massa's "bastards". They were fair skinned, and did not prefer to. cknowledge their African heritage. They were outraged when society switched from coloredotook negro. They probably rolled in their graves when African American came to common use. (My great-grandmother once slapped my mother for giving her a greeting card which referred to our family as Afro-American. I know, right? You see what I have had to deal with in terms of self loathing black folks? But she's fam, so whatcha gonna do?)
That said though, I call myself an American, and rarely tolerate being called Afro-anything. I cheerfully acknowledge African roots, but can't trace my folks back that far, which is slightly painful, so I don't like the reminder. Meanwhile, my folks built this country. I'm third generation American on the immigrant side, which has thrived here for over 200 years since Ellis Island, slave descended on the other. I have paid taxes for 20 years. My speech is unaccented (not counting my Mid-atlantic generic American accent). So, I'm American. But my ethnicity, if anyone has to ask, is black. I have physical features typical of black women in America. And, as I mentioned, a chocolatey complection, lighter than a candy bar, but much darker than a paper bag. Think cake batter. I'm brown. I have tiny brown eyes and very kinky hair, except for when I rock a weave.
I started dating in high school, and have never been involuntarily solo since. For my purposes here, single and solo are not the same thing. I have had periods with no serious significant other, but where I could pick up the phone and quickly arrange a date to an event, or just for fun. I have never been without a date or bed companion if I wanted one.
My first boyfriend was white. His folks' folks came from Ireland on one side, Italy on the other. I hesitated to bring him to my Afro-centric mother, but she figured it out and was really nice to him. (Meanwhile, she was rude to my white-looking cousin because he married a white woman, thus my hesitation. ) My high school sweetheart did not hesitate to introduce me to his mother, but felt a need to shield me from his brothers and father. I met one brother, who by all reports said a lot of unfortunate things behind my back, but he meant well. You know well-intentioned racists. The older brother's comments to my boyfriend were along the lines of sex acts black women could be talked into that white women could not.
You know something? In my necessarily limited experience, women from my community are reserved and conservative, full of Christian guilt over the premarital sex they have, and less likely to admit engaging in anything "adventurous" and non-traditional. My white female friends do not report this same reluctance to explore.
I had a few boyfriends in high school, but the others were black, and already out of high school. Parents always love me. I talk too much, but I'm generous of heart and relatively charming. I sound tiny on the phone, but I'm a big girl. I'm 5'8.5", and 135 pounds of muscle. In person I have a deep, commanding voice, and I never slouch. Once they get past their phone-induced expectation of a tiny white lady, they warm up to me. I still send my exes' mamas greeting cards, and they chastise me if I don't come see them when I'm in town, despite most of their sons marrying since.
I didn't limit myself to men who looked like me. I had no problems finding companionship, and no problems ingratiating myself with a boyfriend or lover's relatives. That changed when I met my husband.
My husband and I met on a message board related to men's health issues, and over time became friends. We fell in love and he moved to New England from California to be closer to where I lived in the Bronx. His parents, to whom he refers as Puerto Rican supremacists, were thrilled their shy, socially awkward son had found a girl, until they found out I was black. They tried to break us up. They told him I would try to entrap him with a child. (After nearly 5 years of marriage, we are only now trying to get pregnant, but my in-laws' anniversary is only six months before my husband's birthday.) They said I was ugly. They said, after we moved in together, that he had given up his latin roots in favor of living in a black neighborhood and a black apartment.
Um... okay. We live in an adorable Hatian neighborhood because the price was right. I'm not Hatian either. The guest bedroom does have a five inch Barbados flag waaay up on the book case, near the ceiling. Closer to the floor are books from my childhood and adolescence in case I have to care for the kids in my family. My mother bought me an entire library of bios and autobiographies of notable black Americans, African folklore, plays and books by black authors frlm all over the world. But the guestroom book collection also contains the complete works of Poe, Dickens, and some sci-fi must-reads for any self-respecting nerd. It is a library for kids, teens, and young adults. Stuff I can let them peruse without supervison, as opposed to the more provocative books on the other bookcases throughout our home. Beyond the ethnic books in my guest room, there are huge photos of coquís in my hallway, a Puerto Rican flag in the office, and a Tres Reyes plaque in MY kitchen. You know. The kitchen where this black woman cooks pasteles, arroz con gandules, and bistec encebollado. But we live in a black apartment. Most people agree with my husband and I when we describe our decorating style as pan-Asian Halloween.
I have tried many times to offer my in-laws love and respect. Their parents love me. Their siblings love me. The whole extended family from PR have been nothing but kind and generous. They welcomed me from the second they met me. Abuela called me while my husband and I were still just dating, long before bringing me to PR was even a consideration. She knew her daughter wasn't giving me a chance, and she wanted me to know that anyone whom her grandson loved, and who loved him in return, was her granddaughter. The only "problem" I ever have with the extended kin is they are disappointed that we eloped, but even more disappointed that I don't have children yet.
Last year, I gave up on having a good relationship with my mother in-law. I stopped speaking to her and her go-along to get along husband. My husband stopped speaking to them too, sending a clear signal that we are a united front. But I encouraged him to mend fences with his parents. You don't get to choose kin, and they won't be around forever.
But they aren't my family, and my continued distance was obvious. Finally, my sister in-law understood from her roommate that I am the gatekeeper to any relationship they might want with grandchildren. Though I would never prevent them from grandparenting, the idea that I could woke them up. We are currently, supposedly, on good terms. I remain cautious; these people have hurt me and broken my trust and my heart many times. But I am also optimistic. People can change, and wounds can heal. I think back to my own racist mother accepting my first white boyfriend. I think to my homophobic grandmother wanting to find nice presents for a gay couple who wanted to marry in her church, and wishing she could march for gay rights.
Black women who struggle with dating face that struggle because of personal and institutional racism. I'm convinced of that. I think the relative ease I enjoyed came largely from being viewed as an "oreo", black on the outside only. It is due to my interests, my mannerisms, my speech (particularly my accent and lexicon) and my way of being confident, gentle, but extremely assertive.
People fear the black woman who is stereotyped as a hood rat. Undereducated, underemployed, overwrought with responsibility, overworked, simultaneously possessed of low expectations and entitlement, controlling, possessive, and bitter. Let's not forget the baggage from her various children of dubious paternity. Is that woman out there? Probably, but the truth is she won't always be black. For some reason, though, we are frequently portrayed that way. Women who struggle to avoid being subjected to prejudice due to this dim view of black American women are really just failing for whatever reason to present themselves as Americans first, and some ethnicity or other second. It is hard when our ethnicity is almost always immediately apparent.
Next, I think it is worth mentioning that if we want to attract certain people to ourselves, we must be similar to those people. Birds of a feather, et cetera. I like athletic, geeky, gamers and convention goers. I jog and lift weights, I read sci fi, mangas, watch anime, play D&D, and go to conventions. I like ambitious men. I started my own business and have returned to univer, where I have a 4.0 gpa. Be like the people you want to draw to yourself, never settle becaus you wouldn't want someone "just settling" for you, and don't be the hypocritical woman who bemoans the racist dating practices of others, but is guilty of racial discrimination herself. Be open to the adventure, and you will find an adventure, and a companion for the journey. I promise. Lastly, nothing worth pursuing is likely to be easy.
For anyone who made it through all of that, I'm sorry I yammer on so much, and I thank you.
Last edited by lucyforever; 01-26-2013 at 02:14 PM..
Reason: to add a space between paragraphs for ease of reading. stupid smart phone. ;-)
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
