Should you feel bad when a bad person dies? (unemployment, work, USA)

[JustMike77]

I find that when I catch myself grieving for someone who has died, I'm actually grieving for those friends and loved ones who were left behind. The person who died know nothing, feels nothing, misses no one. If it's MY loved one who died, then I'm really grieving for myself, for what I have lost. Now, in the case of someone who has suffered a long illness, I may grieve for them while they are alive and suffering, but not when they die. Death is part of nature, it's the deal you sign when you are born. I do not welcome death because of all the things I know I will miss, but I do not fear death because after I die I won't know what I'm missing at that point. It's complicated.

In the OP's case, it's fine not to mourn someone's death.

[ukrkoz]

Originally Posted by magusat999

I ask this because I had a Boss who for no reason except his own hatred of others, made it his mission to make everyone as miserable as possible. It was beyond just a bad, egotistical boss - this guy was out to destroy everything and everyone, treating the workplace as a personal toilet. By the time he was finished the organization we worked for - even after finally firing him after 9 years of pure hell, still wanted to just get rid of our department completely (even though they are the ones that hired him in the first place).

This man used his position to get women to ***** for him. He abused part timers, making them practically slaves or else they would be wiped from the schedule. He ended permanent promotions - except for his girlfriend, whom he hired with no experience and then started training her to take over his position - in secret. He hated the existing workers because they were all permanent and he had no power over them. But he made sure no new permanent workers came about, by the time he finished our numbers had flipped from 22 Full timers and 4 part timers to pretty much the complete inverse. The man used to order things on the company budget and then just take them home and report them as stolen. He was drunk all the time. He kept targeting people and trying to set them up for firing. He changed our break rules because he just couldn't stand to see more than one person on a break at a time. He installed a crew of his buddies, most of which were former drug users, felons and illiterates -and used them to attack other workers (false witnesses). he reduced our crew because he wanted to make room in thee budget for his girlfriend.

But it wasn't rosy for his buddies either, as he treated them like slaves and made sure none of them got permanent positions. One of them went one his head and was hired permanent, and he spent the rest of his time there trying to get him fired.

This man would publicly embarrass the Part timers, because he knew they were weak. He would yell and scream at them, say demeaning remarks, discipline them in front of the public and say any disgusting thing he wanted. he also took loans from these people he never had intentions to pay back, and one guy won a TV from a raffle - he demanded he give him the TV. When the man refused - being poor all his life, that was the best thing he ever had (although he did have a quite nice car...) he took him off the schedule for 6 weeks.

This man changed our work environment so drastically it wasn't even funny. People used to enjoy coming to that job, now they were trying to look elsewhere because of him. People started leaving and retiring - which made him happy. but I was too young and stayed there to see it all go down.

By the time he left, the department was in shambles. They begrudgingly fired him, but they weren't done. They now wanted us all gone and because of him we ended up having a mass lay-off. His buddy was the Deputy Director, so he made sure we got what was coming to us for fighting against him and "forcing: them to fire him. The total was 44 people - because another thing he did was to take over another department after that person left. 44 people's work lives ruined because of this man - and this is just highlights of the kinds of things he did - the full picture is far worse. I personally suffered because I put most of my life into that job, and if things were normal I would have been moved up to an administrative position - but because of his ghetto games,I am forced into a menial position (I was one of three that didn't get laid off due to seniority) at another rag-tag location, where I was treated like I was a moron who started day one on a job. i had actually worked for a year as head of two departments after he was fired - but those people acted like it never happened (actually three departments because I was the head of our division working there too). I was placed on mush more physical duty and suffered being treated like a peon for two years until I finally just retired early (well technically quit and took my retirement money). If it weren't for him that would have never happened - now I have to pick up the pieces of my life and start from scratch - and I am not a spring chicken.

So a couple years ago, he dies. He had a mysterious death - they found him on the side of his bed (on the floor) wrapped in plastic. His friends wouldn't give any other details and they would not tell anyone about his funeral - not that I cared. I knew he had cirrhosis of the liver, and had a bad transplant which gave him hepatitis. He also had diabetes, even though he was a small, thin man (he was shocked that someone of his body type could have diabetes - but there it is. Even though, his death remains a mystery to those outside of his circle. One of his friends was my friend for many years until he showed up, an older lady who used to refer to me as her nephew. She was the one who slipped him in, telling everyone lies about him to make him look upstanding. She played off acting like a "Christian" while she was doing all kinds of dirty stuff. She went straight up his butt and scoffed everyone off when he arrived - I think she already knew him because she married his best friend BEFORE he got hired. Anyways, she is the one who hid the information about his funeral form the other people. Sure, we hated him but not so much we wouldn't see him off. But that just showed us the mentality of his clique - us against them.

So I felt nothing about him dying. I wished he would have changed his ways - and maybe he did. But my experience with him left me no feeling whatsoever. i didn't hate - just... nothing. Is that wrong?

And - you all let him to. He did only what he was allowed to do - by all of you. i bet, he didn't do ALL of this right away. he slowly built up his rage, as more and more tolerance was shown to him.
So why are you upset?
I'll rephrase a wisdom.
Every work has a a boss only as bad, as it deserves.

[Mistermobile]

[quote=magusat999;45690728]I ask this because I had a Boss who for no reason except his own hatred of others, made it his mission to make everyone as miserable as possible.

This man used his position to get women to ***** for him. He abused part timers, making them practically slaves or else they would be wiped from the schedule.

But it wasn't rosy for his buddies either, as he treated them like slaves and made sure none of them got permanent positions.

This man would publicly embarrass the Part timers,

This man changed our work environment so drastically it wasn't even funny.

By the time he left, the department was in shambles.

So a couple years ago, he dies. He had a mysterious death - they found him on the side of his bed (on the floor) wrapped in plastic.

So I felt nothing about him dying./quote]

He's dead. Good.

[mkpunk]

Well I think it is somewhat karma. I didn't feel anything when Chyna died this past year, I was waiting to hear it due to her struggles with addiction and her seemingly unwillingness to get better and stay better. Not that she was a bad person but a person that made her bed and never seemed to try and make it again.

[ciceropolo]

When a bad person dies that is a good thing overall as it reverses a negatively leveraged societal / behavior model. Only thing one may possibly feel bad about is if there was anyone who actually loved them that may miss them. Sometimes people are very two sided and may have someone that actually loved them for whatever reason / level of interaction. As for your description I would say NO it is very normal to have no feeling about learning of the death of a one time oppressive person from your past employment history. The few I had I forgot about as quickly as I could post the employment situation.

Reminds me of funny apt scene in a Law and Order episode, when actor Fred Thompson as Arthur Branch the Manhattan District Attorney - when asked by the prosecutor about whether to pursue the murder of a very well known bad person in a neighborhood, "Well, did he deserve it?"

[jamies]

Anybody ever see the episode of "Vegas" where someone died who was so nasty everyone hated her? The co-workers held a "memorial" in an empty hotel suite, then flushed the remains down the toilet!

[Veronicka]

I don't necessarily believe that people are all bad. Some are but some are just out for themselves. We all are. You never know what deep seated trauma created his persona but he was somebody's little boy once. Maybe there was a germ of goodness in him.

That is not the point however. You hated him and he made your life miserable. You shouldn't feel sad. You should feel whatever way you feel. Truth is, he didn't sound healthy. His quality of life wasn't good from what I read. We all have to go sometime. Everybody is born, they live, and they die. That is it.

You don't have to feel bad about someone you didn't like. There comes a time when you need a 'get out of jail free' card because nobody wants a long, prolonged lingering death. You can be thankful that he didn't have to go through that and that is a nice thought. Then you forget about it.

Just because someone died, doesn't mean they weren't a jerk.

The regret is about a life that wasn't well lived. Something happened to him to turn him into such a jerk, that is the sorrow if you were to have any, which you don't.

[Jukesgrrl]

OP, why do you seek validation from other people for your feelings, beliefs, or actions?

[runswithscissors]

Hard to follow that and envision that story in a government job.

Also, you had it pretty cushy for awhile. You went from being unsupervised in an overnight internet surfing job in 2011 to head of 3 departments and a division manager before quitting and cashing out your retirement savings in 2014?

Originally Posted by magusat999

I don't have an opportunity to browse while on the job, since I work on the floor - but just about everyone else at the public institution I work at does. From the lowest worker to the highest administrator, just about every computer has a recognizable, non-work related website or 3 (facebook, youtube, craigslist, amazon, etc.) in the taskbar or behind the company software interface. They do whatever is required of them, which a of of times is short bursts and go right back to the internet.

I worked a night shift for a long time until a couple years ago, the facility had great wifi - while I was there I brought in my own laptop and spent countless nights on the internet. I could do that and still perform my job (and I was un-supervised) so it was not a problem - not to mention in either of these cases nobody really cares as long as the job is done.

But no, why should anyone care if some acquaintance died after years of health problems. But being wrapped in plastic was an interesting touch.

[lmw36]

Completely ignoring your post (it seems way too obvious you shouldn't miss a cruel person, eh?), death is one of those things that is extremely unique to the individual. The grieving process can be long for some, short for others, or almost nonexistent. There is no right or wrong.

I volunteer in hospice every week, and you wouldn't BELIEVE (I say this because we treat death like a taboo that cannot be talked about) how many family members are actually at peace with the death of their loved ones. I find that to be a very healthy reaction, and I find it equally healthy to not care so much about the death of someone you hardly liked. It's all good. I would accept your reaction as normal and move on with it.

It sounds like you just needed to vent. Not that there's anything wrong with it, but I'd say your reaction to this man has less to do with his death and more to do with his cruelty. I merely made a comment about reaction to death because there IS no right or wrong answer, regardless of your relationship to someone. Many people have a hard time understanding that.