Seeing someone alive for the last time

[Twinkle Toes]

I had never lost anyone I was particularly close to and when someone I knew died it really didn't affect me too much because I wasn't close to them. However, when my brother was hit head on and killed by a guy passing people over double yellow lines on a curve, it really affected me. To this day it still affects me. I miss him so much. There really aren't any words that can describe how much I miss him. The other thing is when I see my other brother or my parents struggling with his death, that hurts too. But we do have some hope because of our faith. We absolutely believe we will see him again some day, so even though we are heartbroken and desperately sad because he is gone from this Earth and we can't see him here anymore, we know that this is only temporary.

[Lisa_from_Debary]

The thing I found so bizarre is when it happened and my Father and Grandmother died...its like I no longer understood the concept of death. I literally couldn't understand that they were dead.

[AksarbeN]

Originally Posted by Lisa_from_Debary

The thing I found so bizarre is when it happened and my Father and Grandmother died...its like I no longer understood the concept of death. I literally couldn't understand that they were dead.

It is unusual to deal with a death and the funeral events of a friend or loved one. It’s the weeks and months afterward that you can’t accept that you don’t have the visits or the phone calls or the getting together for a day etc. However that’s the important period of time to look for signs and messages from our spiritual loved ones who communicate with us. Very subtle messages will occur letting you know things are ok for them. I continue to receive these messages after years of their passing, and I always get a smile on my face when I think that they are trying to tell me something. We are spiritual beings in human form.

[Hoosier]

The first time you celebrate a holiday or birthday without that loved one is harder than the funeral (IMO). The first two Christmases without my MIL were super difficult. We missed her desperately. She was always an integral part of the holiday and she made them sooo fun! Her birthday is still tough to deal with and she would've been 65 this year.

One thing that helped out during the Christmas season was a poem "Merry Christmas from Heaven". It is an amazing poem that we still have taped to our refrigerator...and there is an ornament you can put on the tree too. It's super special!! Here is the link to the site - Merry Christmas From Heaven - ... you can also purchase at Christian bookstores

[Lisa_from_Debary]

Originally Posted by Hoosier_guy

The first time you celebrate a holiday or birthday without that loved one is harder than the funeral (IMO). The first two Christmases without my MIL were super difficult. We missed her desperately. She was always an integral part of the holiday and she made them sooo fun! Her birthday is still tough to deal with and she would've been 65 this year.

One thing that helped out during the Christmas season was a poem "Merry Christmas from Heaven". It is an amazing poem that we still have taped to our refrigerator...and there is an ornament you can put on the tree too. It's super special!! Here is the link to the site - Merry Christmas From Heaven - ... you can also purchase at Christian bookstores

I know exactly what you mean. The year after my Father passed away...I left town for the entire summer to avoid being there for July 4th, to see the parade he had been in the year before, just before his heart attack. To avoid being in town on his birthday...the year before we had to celebrate it in the hospital.

The first Christmas without my Father sitting at the head of the table was unreal. ALL MY LIFE he had been the one to sit at the head of the table, to lead the blessing over the meal and sort of keep peace with what is a very turbelent family.

[lpdsag]

I hurt for anyone who looses a loved one. But when you go to a funeral, look at the person, does she or he look like they are sleeping? You can tell there is just no soul there. A dead body looks so different, kind of like a wax person. The comfort I get is knowing that the sould is not there and the fact that they are in a better place gives me peace. It does not make the days easy but helps give you piece of mind that they are in a much better place than we are. And if you know someone who does not believe in Christ our Lord, or if you don't then now is the time. Then you will have the comfort that I do.

[macguy]

Originally Posted by gnubler

I'm 33 and I have never had anyone close to me die. A few distant relatives in other countries that I never saw, a boy I knew in high school...but no one whose loss saddened or affected me.

So what is it like when someone suddenly dies? You see them one day and the next day they are just gone forever. This is probably more traumatic when death comes early and without warning, like a car wreck, suicide, or crime/murder.

I have a 48 yr old friend who has lost 12 friends/accquaintances to suicide over the years, plus several from diseases, car wrecks, etc. Every time I talk to him it seems someone else in his life has died and he's going to another memorial. I've never even been to a funeral.

I have never experienced this, though I know it's inevitable...unless of course I kick it in the very near future.

It's strange, one minute they are a living breathing person with thoughts, ideas, plans and the next they are just an inanimate object that is hard to believe was anything at all. I have had people die around me and I never got over the impression how life was just nothing. You live then you die and the world goes on. Life is not that big a deal. A hundred thousand people die in a flood half way around the world and you change the channel to see what else is on. Yet we may focus on one child stuck in a well and make it a national event. Strange.

[NewHomeHappy]

a strange question today. My baby is 3 now but almost 4 and his older brother is barely 5.
Driving to the store today, the baby asks "Where is Grandpop going to go when he dies?" "Is he leaving?" "If he's not here, where will he be ?" "When is he gonna go?" "Can we still see him?"

I break out in a sweat. Now what?

Thankfully, my 5 yr old answers for me.
"No no no, when he dies he's going to heaven" Right Momma?
"But if he dies then who's gonna play sword fight with me?"

Now they both gang up on me with a barrage of death questions.

"Are you gonna die Momma?" I don't want you to die Momma...Ohhhh Gawwd, I almost broke out in tears !! I really didn't have time to think of a well-informed child safe answer. Darn darn darn, I KNEW should have prepared for this moment in Motherhood and bought a book on the subject.

Then I thought of what my own Mother told me. She said "I'll be around for a long long time and even when I'm not here I'll still be with you". I tried that answer and added a few more lines to it. It worked for now, but I'm sure this will come up again in conversation. But the reason I'm sharing this story is that it rings true - children see it. You are here and then you are not. You went away, you left, you are simply gone. I have not lost anyone close to me. Not yet. I'm sure it will happen soon. I dread the day but I'll deal with it. All of your stories have touched my heart and I am sending my sincerest sympathies to each of you.

[bhayes]

I have read so many posts that state they have never known anyone who has
died I am fifty and I had lost all my friends over 75 people Ive grown up with
almost all my relatives That I grew up with and mom had a large large family
11 brothers and sisters and I had so many cousins aunts uncles ect.
Its so hard to hear of someone who has never experienced death. I am happy
they you havent but feel for those people because to me its become easier but
it still hurts each and every time I get the call that someone has died. This year
alone there were over 15 people I knew and loved that have died. I lost my
oldest sister and my mom and dad who died 1 week apart back in 2003.
Just this morning I received a phone call from my cousin that our cousin Bobby who
lived in Scranton had hung himself. I think the only thing that makes me not
totally fall apart is that Ive come to realize they are in a better place. And more
and more I reallize that those that are dying are not the ones suffering it is the
ones leftbehind that suffer when they loose them. I spend each day recalling
those peopleand memories of them. Ive learned not to feel sad for them because
they are all together. Its getting awfully lonely down hear with them though but
I know I am watched over big time. I have watched my aunts in their old age loose
their children its not suppose to happen like that but it does at least in my world. I
have experienced every form of death natural, cancers, accidents, murders,
suicides, drug abuse,I even lost one of my grandchildren last year he was only
7 days old. I pray thatothers will not have to go through what I have but indeed
I am able to handle it at this point but I still do cry for a while but the pain is not
there that used to exist. Even when my parents passed I was able to handle it I
had been through so much loss by that time I knew the place they were going was
a place that so many I loved were also at. I have watched what happens when
people die everything from greed to non acceptance and following suicide. I have
seen families fall apart and every imaginable scenario. Through it all life goes on.
I find myself tearful even when strangers die now but the hurt I feel is for those
that loved them not for the person who has passed away expecially when they
are children. I agree that we should spend time with those we love because
tomorrow they may be gone.

[elston]

When I lost my mother.....I felt numb.....it didnt come as a shock....she was ill and had requested no further treatment or food or water at the end......I had been alternating with my bro and his wife...sitting at her bedside.....with a hospice volunteer.....I had just left to go out for a walk and when I came back....she had passed. Like I say.....it was inevitable....and there was some relief that she was past suffering.....and had died so courageously.....she was victorious...not disease....then I felt an emotional numbness.....followed by an overwhelming sense of loss that lasted for several years....

Now I think of her all the time.....daily.....and it always makes me happy.....I miss her but I am not sad.....I am so very grateful to have had (and to have) her for my mother and realize the zillions of wonderful things she taught me and did for me and gave me. I also feel her love about me and I know that she still loves me and is still proud of me.....and that carrys me past some of the hurts and stresses in day to day living.