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Ahh, I'm having a sharing night. Any way, to the peeps who have lost, or can imagine, and maintain an ongoing, interactive memorial, how do you feel about such sentiments or what do you think?
As an agnostic, I don't like these comments because I don't believe in an afterlife and can't fathom that death is better than being here on earth with family, friends and a future.
But I realize that people who say this, don't know any better and are just trying to make me feel better, so I would politely nod and move on.
But yeah, I get you. Being dead, is not my idea of a "better place" .
my best friend passed away a year and a half ago. Quite frequently, I would work or act as her assistant. All of her emails were automatically copied/forwarded to me.
i never removed myself from the forward and her family obviously hasnt noticed cause i still get them..... and her facebook notifications.
her kids, who are all, in theory, adults, constantly post on her wall. lovey dovey ick gooey crap.
crap because she couldnt stand them. im sure, they have guilt and regret issues i get that. but really, the stuff they write would make her turn in her grave.
of course, im always tempted to log in as her and write a comment back. havent done it, but the thoughts definitely crossed my mind LOL
when im dead... some please just PLEASE close my account and send me on my merry dead way.
As an agnostic, I don't like these comments because I don't believe in an afterlife and can't fathom that death is better than being here on earth with family, friends and a future.
But I realize that people who say this, don't know any better and are just trying to make me feel better, so I would politely nod and move on.
But yeah, I get you. Being dead, is not my idea of a "better place" .
At this point I can safely say that folk leaving such messages are not nearly as bad as some that get offended when noting that such messages can be annoying. That's internet hyperbole for ya. It's an interesting subect on its own.
As I've shared with you in the past, I lost my brother too and I can't tell you how many times (even 5 years later) I still hear this comment. Depending on how I'm feeling, it can get on my nerves or flash back to the very moment of pain I was feeling and grasping for any means of comfort to make sense of his death.
The truth is none of us really know if there is a "better place" as we have not experienced death firsthand. However, I have faith such a place exists because surely all the suffering in this world has to be compensated for. It's same faith that has brought me through the loss of many loved ones and keeps me going until my time comes. Until I get to the other side, I will never know for sure.
Take the girl's comments as an expression of her faith. It should comfort you and compliment him that over a year after his death, he is still thought of. I don't think anyone who is self-serving and uses these terms as chiche's or cop-outs would've bothered to post.
FWIW, I do hate the "they look good" comment when talking about a dead person laying in a casket. But, it's just one of those things you have to deal with.
My beloved husband died again this past January. I say again because he died back in the 80's after being hit and run. He saw the crowd of people around him, saw the EMTs go to his body and he was going up into The Light. He saw his grandparents waiting for him. He remembered feeling no pain, just warmth and love. He also remembers thinking "not now" and BAM...he was back in his body and full of pain. So when he died again this past January I know he is "in a better place" because he was on his way before.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801
I lost a brother, also, five years ago. There's a special suckiness about losing a sibling, isn't there?
I have a friend who, when his mother died, replied to people who came up to him at the funeral parlor and said they were sorry, "Why? Did you have something to do with this?"
Re the "he looks good" comment, I said that once to the mother of a friend when her husband died. He was in his 80's, but he had been a handsome man. We were standing in front of his casket, and I made the inane comment "he looks good" out of politeness. She replied, "Yes, doesn't he? He was always so good-looking." Then she gestured toward the dead guy in the casket and said, "You can see why I said 'yes' when he asked me to marry him all those years ago, can't you?" I was wondering how to reply to that, "oh, yeah, I'd like to jump on him right now..."
I've seen many a dead body who DOES look better than when they were sick. When I do, I say it. Many said it at my Dad's wake and I agreed with them. What's wrong with being truthful?
I am not comforted by the "he's in a better place" comments either BUT I'm not annoyed by them either. That comment meant something to the people who said it to me and I appreciate the fact that they were trying to offer me some comfort. (Religious people really do believe the dead are in heaven. I believe we create our own heaven or hell here on earth by the way we live and when it's over, it's over.)
About the only comments said to me since my husband died this past January that I got angry over were both said at a visitation. One person said, "I have a brother I want you to meet" and someone else asked me if my husband was able to have sex right up to the end? The last thing on my mind less than a week after his passing was to find a replacement. With the first comment I was too shocked to reply. With the second comment I said that's more information than I'm willing to share and I walked away. Another person just this past week called me up and in the course of the conversation said, "Well, did you get laid yet?" I was really offended by that question. After being with my husband for decades, I STILL feel married and it's only been a few weeks since the stone has been placed on his grave. Anyway, if anyone is keeping a log on what NOT to say to a grieving person, make a note not to mention sex. LOL
Basically, I think the message "he's/you're in a better place" is one of stupidity. That's about it. There's not a whole lot to understand. My reasoning as to why I think it's stupid isn't all that complicated either.
People are never ever going to be able to live up to your expectations...
it's not stupidity b/c you have different beliefs...just b/c you think one way and I think another doesn't make you right and me wrong, and I think your wrong in lacking the maturity to understand, that people are people and they are never going to think and feel the way YOU think they should. And if they don't you feel they're stupid?
People are never ever going to be able to live up to your expectations...
it's not stupidity b/c you have different beliefs...just b/c you think one way and I think another doesn't make you right and me wrong, and I think your wrong in lacking the maturity to understand, that people are people and they are never going to think and feel the way YOU think they should. And if they don't you feel they're stupid?
People are never ever going to be able to live up to your expectations...
it's not stupidity b/c you have different beliefs...just b/c you think one way and I think another doesn't make you right and me wrong, and I think your wrong in lacking the maturity to understand, that people are people and they are never going to think and feel the way YOU think they should. And if they don't you feel they're stupid?
I think filler is about stupidity. It reminds me of poor students who double space their college papers to make it appear longer. If you have nothing of value to say to a grieving person, nothing derived from your own personal thoughtfulness, then S.T.F.U. Or at least expect the possibility of someone telling you to S.T.F.U.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv
Bravo.
I find responding to year old threads to be stupid as well, although it's not as good as the 2-3 year old ones.
I think filler is about stupidity. It reminds me of poor students who double space their college papers to make it appear longer. If you have nothing of value to say to a grieving person, nothing derived from your own personal thoughtfulness, then S.T.F.U. Or at least expect the possibility of someone telling you to S.T.F.U.
I find responding to year old threads to be stupid as well, although it's not as good as the 2-3 year old ones.
Then why are YOU here reading year(s) old threads? I NEED to be here, what's your excuse?
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But, it's just one of those things you have to deal with.
