I'm glad you're in a better place messages are....
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They kind of bother me. I would never in a million years respond negatively, but they annoy me. There's this one girl (the daughter [18-19 yrs old] of my bro's friend) that leaves messages like this on my brother's fb page. I really like that she still thinks of him. It means the world to me, to be honest, but the whole "you're in a better place", as an atheist, gets me ruffled. I think to myself, "no, he's not in a better place, he's in no place. And before that he suffered a majority of the time for the past 20 years". I love her for it, tho. I love her young, bright-eyed, hopeful youth. It's awesome. Me, OTOH, am just p*ssed about the whole thing. The consequence of this is that I spoil his dog beyond reproach. She's the queen of my house.
Ahh, I'm having a sharing night. Any way, to the peeps who have lost, or can imagine, and maintain an ongoing, interactive memorial, how do you feel about such sentiments or what do you think?
When I was 23 a good friend of mine died of testicular cancer. At the wake our old teacher went up to his Mom (who was standing by open casket) and said "how good Jimmy looked"!People say really dumb things but sometimes if their trite remarks are coming from a good place I guess we have to overlook them!
I figure it's a coping mechanism and it's certainly better than any alternative, which would require needless, emotional commitment.
To me, if you have nothing to say, it's better to keep quiet. I feel this is a cop-out line used by people who know they should say something appropriate, but don't really want to be bothered with your grief and be supportive, which would upset and inconvenience them.
but the whole "you're in a better place", as an atheist, gets me ruffled. I think to myself, "no, he's not in a better place, he's in no place. And before that he suffered a majority of the time for the past 20 years".
how do you feel about such sentiments or what do you think?
I think they are words intended to comfort the living and intended to mean that this person no longer suffers. Even as an aethiest, you should look at it symbolically and for it's intent and not whether or not you feel they (the words) have any basis in fact, from your POV.
Someone is trying to pay a kind word to the memory of your loved one and it annoys you? So sad. Not everyone is going to see the world from an atheist's point of view, nor will everyone see it from a christian's pov. I think it's important to look for the intent behind the message and not pick it apart because you don't like what you think it might mean.
I'm an atheist too, and TBH, the phrase never bothered me. I always looked at it this way. The world sucks. God or no God, being dead is probably a lot better than living sometimes.
To me, if you have nothing to say, it's better to keep quiet. I feel this is a cop-out line used by people who know they should say something appropriate, but don't really want to be bothered with your grief and be supportive, which would upset and inconvenience them.
True. I think it's definitely about not wanting to be inconvenienced emotionally, tho, of course I can't help wondering "why bother". It's been some time and it doesn't have much to do with folk grieving. I think it's her thing. It's a goofy, perhaps a superficial thing, she has going with her own world. Her private messages to my brother, which I'm obviously privy to as keeper of the site, are similar. It's bizarre!
Quote:
Originally Posted by robee70
I think they are words intended to comfort the living and intended to mean that this person no longer suffers. Even as an aethiest, you should look at it symbolically and for it's intent and not whether or not you feel they (the words) have any basis in fact, from your POV.
I agree that it definately notes the idea of 'no longer suffering'. Without a doubt. And it's certainly about the living. Where it gets a bit weird for me, and take this with a grain of salt as a non-dead person, is what do we really have right now? Well, we have right now. Before and after makes little difference in the right now, because we're here, now. The continuum of our lives culminates in this moment. So, based on what I experienced with my brother, those last moments of his life (I was with him) are the only and forever moments. There is nothing more, just like there is nothing more to right now. If that makes any flipping sense!
So, given that I know his only 'right-now' moments, which are his last and only moments, just like we're experiencing in this moment, I can say with confidence that they suck(ed).
Any way, sure, those words have little to do with him, but it's difficult to parse him from his page or anything I attempt to relate to him.
They kind of bother me. I would never in a million years respond negatively, but they annoy me. There's this one girl (the daughter [18-19 yrs old] of my bro's friend) that leaves messages like this on my brother's fb page. I really like that she still thinks of him. It means the world to me, to be honest, but the whole "you're in a better place", as an atheist, gets me ruffled. I think to myself, "no, he's not in a better place, he's in no place. And before that he suffered a majority of the time for the past 20 years". I love her for it, tho. I love her young, bright-eyed, hopeful youth. It's awesome. Me, OTOH, am just p*ssed about the whole thing. The consequence of this is that I spoil his dog beyond reproach. She's the queen of my house.
Ahh, I'm having a sharing night. Any way, to the peeps who have lost, or can imagine, and maintain an ongoing, interactive memorial, how do you feel about such sentiments or what do you think?
I tend to handle such things with snark. Yes, it's cold. Yes, it's obnoxious. But there it is.
For instance, according to my mother's wishes, she was cremated. If someone said that "she's in a better place" stuff to me, I'd have said, "Where? On my sister's dresser?"
Which probably would have made my mother laugh, come to think of it.
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