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oh if only broken hearts could be healed in some way... and no one should have to endure the death of a child.. I often think about this and dont know how I would cope, I suppose it does depend on how a child dies , or is killed, this must make it even harder if they were taken without illness, oh Im not putting this in writing very well am I,,, but my heart goes out to you all who have lost a child...x
If anyone can reccommend something, please feel free to post it or DM me with any information.
My 20 year old son died January 2009. At the time he had just moved into his first home away from home with his g/f. I had moved 3 hours away to help care for my mother whom died 1 year later. My daughter had just started college and she and her brother were good friends as well as siblings.
I was alone in a new state,a new town, a new employer and less than 5.5 months later my son died from cardiac dysrhythmia in his sleep. It doesn't matter the cause of death. It doesn't matter the manner of death. He died.
In the middle of the night,awake, one of many,many nights awake with fear, no hope, grief, a form of insanity if you will, I came upon a site that threw a lifeline to me.
I would advise people to visit,read,post when and if you are ready. there is no judgement. I repeat,no judgement . be as graphic as you like. rant all you want. Write whatever is on your mind even if you think you are about to go mad.
The site is grieving.com. For a child click on "loss of a child", "loss of an adult child". If your child was young, a teen, a young adult or even 60 years old we post mostly on "loss of an adult child",mainly because reading is easier on one thread.
Sadly, after the death of a child some parents give up the will to live. I know this first hand.
For me, 3.5 years later I see hope. I have learned to live in my new normal. Life will never be the same, far from it but I turly believe that I would have not made it without a very fine group of people.
Last edited by Sam I Am; 04-25-2013 at 02:55 AM..
Reason: Decision made - not a competing site. Sam I Am
Thursday, I'm sorry for your family's loss. Thank you for intervening and trying to find help. You are a good person. I hope each of you find peace and comfort.
I know this will offend some of you, but my experience with Compassionate Friends is that they are only compassionate if you have a religious answer to death. If you want to talk about anything spiritual they don't like that. It's been 10 years since the loss of my 13 year old son, and after going to a few meetings I contacted the Compassionate Friends headquarters and they told me straight out they don't like the meeting to discuss anything spiritual. Obviously, some chapters may be different and maybe they have changed in the past ten years, but to me, Compassionate Friends was like the republican party of grief.
I know this is an older thread, but grief doesn't stop in a matter of months.
Also, I'd like to offer another alternative.
Contact the pastor at a local church.
Yeah, yeah, I know... Some of you won't do that because you're non-religious, and that's okay. I'm also aware of the fact that some pastors are nothing short of doofusses.
However, I know for a fact that MOST pastors are actually highly education, well-trained, experienced professionals. Many of them have far MORE education & experience in counseling than a lot of "professionals."
But mostly, "the price is right." Any counseling & mental health help is a crap-shoot. You can find a fantastic counselor, but not have it be the right "fit." And you could spend hundreds (thousands?) of dollars before you find that out. Most pastors, on the other hand, will not charge you for their time.
Obviously, not everyone is going to feel comfortable going and talking to a pastor. But for a lot of people, he just might be the right move.
The death of a child is such a personal experience. I think a support group of peers is good. If you need more, go for professional counseling as well. The issue is that every single dynamic in a family changes...and sadly...even 20 years later the wound can be cut open....just that fast...and the grief hits you like a wall. Again.
My daughter died years ago - I won't go into details.
Everyone's situation is different. Our mourning is different... I never had any support from family or friends, because No One understand the emotional and Pain I was holding. And - I think that is why - I still grieve and suffer silently inside..
To those who lost a child - My heart goes out to you all. The pain is always there.
I have not been to city-data forums in a long time. We lost our only child 11 years ago. Subsequently, I wrote a book for bereaved parents. If anyone would like a free copy for themselves or someone else who has lost a child, just DM me and I would be happy to send a copy.
My condolences to anyone here who has lost a child of any age. I have heard it called "the cruelest loss" and I believe it is.
My daughter died years ago - I won't go into details.
Everyone's situation is different. Our mourning is different... I never had any support from family or friends, because No One understand the emotional and Pain I was holding. And - I think that is why - I still grieve and suffer silently inside..
To those who lost a child - My heart goes out to you all. The pain is always there.
I have not lost a child, but worry about it every day as my son is at-risk. And I have recently lost my Mom. I just wanted to comment on the "grief" situation. In my case, I appreciate family and friends' concern, but I don't want to talk to anyone about it. There's really nothing they can say that will make me feel better -- I feel like I just have to come to grips with this myself. Reading these boards and knowing that my reaction is normal is a big help.
Someone asked me to update this thread since I started it and I have found things to be hard and I've also found some wonderful non-profit programs for people who have lost children. The one person she was closest to and lived close to her was her cousin. Unfortunately, her cousin went off on her and told her that she was a horrible mother and that James' death was all her fault. Talk about pushing someone to suicide. Then my sister flipped the calendar and realized James' birthday fell on mother's day this year and she just collapsed and I saw it too and thought OMG she is just going to have a meltdown and she did.
I still talk to my sister-in-law once a week and she is still so torn apart. She hardly leaves the house. They are still in family therapy with just themseves and one doctor. They are up here visiting as we speak. I got on line and as they live in Florida and I live up north I felt she needed the support of people close to her. Maybe make new friends who have gone through this experience who are closer in proximity to her. I took the liberty of emailing a doctor's network looking for a group program and he sent me information for a Nationwide Program called Compassionate Friends. They work strictly off donations, similiar to AA and when I read their information it was like reading a template of my sister in law. They also have programs for Children and Grandparents.
Read this brief overview of their program Home Page and then look at the boxes in the right hand column and click on the one that says Newly Bereaved and read the list of things. There is a phone number to find a local program near you and they are nationwide. She is going to check them out when she gets back home. They have phone and online support systems as well.
EDIT: I just noticed someone mentioned Compassionate Friends and someone mentioned the lack of spiritutal aspects. I think they leave the spiritual aspects out of it because of the many belief systems of the people involved. You sort of have to reain neutral in the spiritual side of things when you are dealing with such diverse groups of people. They still go to church, my brother immediately went to the paster as soon as he found out and they are in family therapy to address these spiritual aspects.
Last edited by Thursday007; 07-05-2012 at 03:05 AM..
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I can help
