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What you are going through is very normal. My mom went through the same thing with my dad who passed away at age 57 from pancreatic cancer in 2004. (I am 41).He was not sick very long after his diagnosis, about 2 months and then he passed. My dad owned his own business (insurance), had a leased car, a bank loan and other stuff that my mom had to take care of. She did not get a chance to grieve because she had to prepare his funeral and cremation, then she had to take care of any unpaid loans, return his leased car back to the dealer and on top of that she had to sell his business. Up until last year she had to pay the taxes on his business because that was part of a deal she had to make to sell his business which I might add took only 2 months to do and fortunatley was bought by a fellow insurance business that was helping him out anyway when his health started to fail a year earlier. She did not want my brother and I involved in any of this so we had to sign a waiver that we would not contest his will. That was fine because I was so grief stricken myself I could not handle it. This year will be the first year she does not have to deal with his estate or pay any taxes for his business. The sad thing is my dad promised my mom that if and when he did die that everything would be taken care of, and there would be nothing for her to do except the funeral and cremation. well that never happened, she was left holding the bag and had to clean up a huge mess. I am very sorry for your loss and know what you are going through. You just need to take each day one at a time. It's also helpful if you have support from your husband which I did. Maybe talking to him might help. Therapy is not for everyone and my mom did not start going until 2 years ago. I went to a bereavement group right after my dad died. It helped but I still get sad, especially during the holidays. I have acomplished things in my life and I wish he were here to see how great I was doing. don't listen to anyone who says "it's time to move on, get over it" It's not easy and many people say that to my mom. It makes her so mad when people say that. she has moved on but occasionally has minor set backs which is normal. God bless you.
I am very sorry you lost your Dad at such a young age.
I lost my Dad 2 years ago. He dropped dead from a brain aneurysm at the age of 67.
He hadn't spoken to me for a year and a half because I moved to America with my husband so it was terribly sad.
My reaction to his dying was/is strange. I developed a phobia of dying and I became hypervigilant. I couldn't sleep because I would lay awake wondering where the cancer was growing in me. I would have panic attacks driving and anxiety constantly. It resolved eventually but it came back again last September just before the anniversary of his death. It's now resolving again.
We all have different ways of coping and sometimes we simply don't expect our oh-so-together selves to act in such a bizarre and out of character manner.
Time softens the reactions and feelings. Be kind and gentle with yourself.
I have lost a lot of interest in things I normally enjoy doing. Not completely, just mostly. I don't talk a lot to begin with but now I just want to be left alone by everyone, including my DH and kids. I decline every social invite almost automatically, don't return phone calls, and pretty much stopped replying to email and texts.
My detached way of dealing (or not dealing) with things has begun to rub people the wrong way. .
I went through a similar experience when my best friend died unexpectedly (she was 27) in 2009.
It took me almost 6 months before I felt...eh, somewhat normal. But in some ways, I am still going through it. I think it will always be that way when you lose someone significant..It becomes a part of you. I am still somewhat cut off from people, and it's been my own doing I'm sure. But then there are people who either don't or simply can't understand what you're going through, so they leave you alone. If you don't reach out, you can lose these people too, through the distance placed there...I know it's so hard to join in when everyone else seems to be acting normal, and there you are, struggling inside, and you, and life itself are so far from normal you just want to crawl into a hole and disappear...
I know not everyone gets through these times in the same way. Some people turn towards religion ( I tried that, and failed..lol) but I think what really helped me out the most was....walking. I had to force myself out of the house in the evenings and I would take long leisurely strolls, searching my mind and the world for peace, for comfort, clues, and messages, anything. I did recieve them, eventually. Walking became such a huge part of my daily routine, that after some time had passed, it wasn't about getting away and thinking, but pushing myself, my body & mind toward a more healthy lifestyle. It kept me from withering away, locked inside a depressed and empty shell of a person. And I could truly be alone when I walked, didn't have to bother with talking to anyone. (Headphones are a blessing!) It really did help elevate my mood. Music helps too. It allows me to cry, it allows me to smile. It drives me forward and allows me reflection. It gives to me the comfort and safety that nothing else can provide...
I wish you all the strength in the world to get through this, and I wish your family all the patience & love to help see you through it. Always remember, that although your father is gone, you are not alone.*
You will surely need space from everyone for a while, just don't forget to 'come back'.
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Originally Posted by Djuna
It resolved eventually but it came back again last September just before the anniversary of his death. It's now resolving again.
How strange, September is my 'anniversary month for grieving' as well..It comes every year...
When I lost my dad it just about killed me and nothing anyone said even registered, I would nod and mumble thank you or something. He died just before Christmas many years ago and we buried him on December 22. I came home and baked cookies and more cookies and had cookies all over the place. I didn't have to handle his estate. Finally I was carrying this hurt and pain inside me till I thought I would break.
I would get all alone and cry, kick, scream, beat on my pillows, just to get all the hurt I was holding inside out of me. No family or anyone around to see or hear my fits. This helped me relieve some of the stress and pain. I even went through being mad at my dad for leaving me.
It will get better. I go to the cemetery, clean off the tombstone, put fresh flowers in the urn and take my little stool out of my car and sit and talk to my dad and mom. Yes I guess I am kinda crazy.
When I lost my dad it just about killed me and nothing anyone said even registered, I would nod and mumble thank you or something. He died just before Christmas many years ago and we buried him on December 22. I came home and baked cookies and more cookies and had cookies all over the place. I didn't have to handle his estate. Finally I was carrying this hurt and pain inside me till I thought I would break.
I would get all alone and cry, kick, scream, beat on my pillows, just to get all the hurt I was holding inside out of me. No family or anyone around to see or hear my fits. This helped me relieve some of the stress and pain. I even went through being mad at my dad for leaving me.
It will get better. I go to the cemetery, clean off the tombstone, put fresh flowers in the urn and take my little stool out of my car and sit and talk to my dad and mom. Yes I guess I am kinda crazy.
You are not crazy, many people find comfort in visiting the cemetary and talking to their loved ones. My dad was creamated but my mom chose not to bury his ashes. She has them in a nice wooden box by the fireplace. She says it gives her comfort because it feels like he's still there.
I think what really helped me out the most was....walking. I had to force myself out of the house in the evenings and I would take long leisurely strolls, searching my mind and the world for peace, for comfort, clues, and messages, anything. I did recieve them, eventually. Walking became such a huge part of my daily routine, that after some time had passed, it wasn't about getting away and thinking, but pushing myself, my body & mind toward a more healthy lifestyle. It kept me from withering away, locked inside a depressed and empty shell of a person. And I could truly be alone when I walked, didn't have to bother with talking to anyone. (Headphones are a blessing!) It really did help elevate my mood.
What great advice. Walking helps me, too, when dealing with any kind of stress. It energizes me when I'm feeling unmotivated, and calms me when I'm keyed up.
Meditation has the same effect -- if I can get my mind to quiet down. The beauty of walking is that my mind doesn't need to be quiet.
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Music helps too. It allows me to cry, it allows me to smile.
I haven't gotten that far yet. My husband was a collector -- and that's putting it mildly! -- of rock music from the 60s and 70s; he amassed about 2,000 CDs over the years. I still haven't summoned the courage yet to listen to any of those CDs, or even to browse through "The Collection." The courage will come, but I'll probably bawl my eyes out even when listening to AC/DC and Black Sabbath.
Do my emotions and reactions to his death sound at all normal? I normally cope with things well and I'm frustrated my emotions seem to be unraveling everywhere. I also feel very irritable at work and have come close to losing my temper with a couple co-workers. Is there anything I can do that doesn't involve therapy that might help me get through this?
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I think it sounds normal. I lost my dad three years ago but my brother and my husband helped me help my mom take care of things. Then 18 months later I lost my husband. I wasn't completely over my dad's death then had to handle my husband's death and all that goes settling things.
You said you don't want to go to therapy but what about a support group? I go to a group through the local Hospice. It has helped me a lot to talk to others who know what it feels like to have your heart hurt so much you just want to crawl into bed.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how much it hurts but with time it does get a little better.
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Walking became such a huge part of my daily routine, that after some time had passed, it wasn't about getting away and thinking, but pushing myself, my body & mind toward a more healthy lifestyle. It kept me from withering away, locked inside a depressed and empty shell of a person. And I could truly be alone when I walked, didn't have to bother with talking to anyone. (Headphones are a blessing!) It really did help elevate my mood. 
