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I've never been to a grief counselor but I've known people who have and they say they really do help, Madonnafan. Progress comes in little steps but a month is a long time to still be hold up in the house. Maybe you need to try baby steps like just going for a walk. After my husband died there were times in that first month when I would drive to a store or someplace I thought I should go but when I've get there I couldn't get out of the car to go inside, afraid I couldn't keep myself together long enough to buy a few groceries. It gets easier as time goes by but you have to help yourself by pushing through the impulse to withdraw from the world. That's not a healthy thing to be doing. Ask yourself if this is the kind of life your mother would want for you. Most mothers want their daughters to be happy. It's a goal you will reach again with some work and a little time.
Madonnafan, there are counselors you see alone, support groups you can attend, workshops, books, etc. You have options. Getting started is the most important part. Why not get it out of the way today? Call your doctor for a referral and make an appointment with the person they recommend. You can do that from home, but you'll be moving forward.
I make it trought. I took a shower and read for a while, when i came back downstairs it was 10:35 pm. I cried a little and now i feel "better". I just dont want this to happen every 11th of each month. I dont think i can handle it.
Yes Maggie, i thought about it, but do you really think they help ?
You have to stop obssessing, madonnafan. What you are doing is very unhealthy and frankly, psychotic. You really should go see GP and get some happy pills or go talk to a counselor. Like I said before, your mother would go crazy if she knew what you are doing. Do you really think she'd want this for you?
You have to stop obssessing, madonnafan. What you are doing is very unhealthy and frankly, psychotic. You really should go see GP and get some happy pills or go talk to a counselor. Like I said before, your mother would go crazy if she knew what you are doing. Do you really think she'd want this for you?
I dont know what to say. Here is how am feeling everyday.
I wake up very late in the afternoon (i dont work and i quit school after she passed away), i eat almost nothing and then i get online all day (literally). I feel like if i do something im going to forget about her, her voice, her face. I feel guilty when i laugh or when i talk about something else that isnt her. When i try to do something my mind reminds me that i shouldnt, that i should be unhappy and sad because she isnt here with me anymore. Its a feeling ive been fighting since she passed away. I cant stop thinking about her, the condition of her body right now (i know, it sounds crazy but i just cant stop), where is she now ? if she is with God or not, if angels came to take her to heaven with Him and things like that. Im going crazy guys. I feel so sad everyday.
I dont know what to say. Here is how am feeling everyday.
I wake up very late in the afternoon (i dont work and i quit school after she passed away), i eat almost nothing and then i get online all day (literally). I feel like if i do something im going to forget about her, her voice, her face. I feel guilty when i laugh or when i talk about something else that isnt her. When i try to do something my mind reminds me that i shouldnt, that i should be unhappy and sad because she isnt here with me anymore. Its a feeling ive been fighting since she passed away. I cant stop thinking about her, the condition of her body right now (i know, it sounds crazy but i just cant stop), where is she now ? if she is with God or not, if angels came to take her to heaven with Him and things like that. Im going crazy guys. I feel so sad everyday.
Your mind is wrong. You should be trying to smile, laugh, eat. You seriously need counseling. You are committing slow suicide and the death of a parent is no reason to do that, no matter how much you loved her. Call 911 and tell them you are going to do something harmful to youself. They'll take you to a psych hospital, which you sound like you need. Not saying this to be mean, just talking "tough love" to you. You need help or get a grip on yourself, young lady. (((HUGS)))
I dont know what to say. Here is how am feeling everyday.
I wake up very late in the afternoon (i dont work and i quit school after she passed away), i eat almost nothing and then i get online all day (literally). I feel like if i do something im going to forget about her, her voice, her face. I feel guilty when i laugh or when i talk about something else that isnt her. When i try to do something my mind reminds me that i shouldnt, that i should be unhappy and sad because she isnt here with me anymore. Its a feeling ive been fighting since she passed away. I cant stop thinking about her, the condition of her body right now (i know, it sounds crazy but i just cant stop), where is she now ? if she is with God or not, if angels came to take her to heaven with Him and things like that. Im going crazy guys. I feel so sad everyday.
Madonnafan, I don't mean to pry but I'm trying to get this one straight. You mention quitting school after your mother passed...how old are you? Were you in school when she passed? I notice it has been a little over a month - so you were in summer school, are you close to graduating? Are you living at home?
How old you are does and doesn't matter - losing your mother is awful no matter what age you are. I lost mine when I was 17 - and I will never get over it - but 38 years later I have most definitely made a life for myself. I was in my freshman year of college when she passed...well, I was actually home for the summer. She died on July 4th, I went back to school, lasted about 6 weeks before I pretty much lost it, and checked out. Never did finish that degree, and I know my mother's greatest dream would have been for me to finish school. She let me go to college when I was 16 because she knew she wouldn't make it.
We aren't really sure if we are talking to a grad student or a high school student. In some ways, losing your mom is what it is - just hard all the way around - but how you react to your grief is sometimes affected by your chronological age. If you could share a little more about yourself perhaps we could come up with even more concrete help for you?
Madonnafan, I don't mean to pry but I'm trying to get this one straight. You mention quitting school after your mother passed...how old are you? Were you in school when she passed? I notice it has been a little over a month - so you were in summer school, are you close to graduating? Are you living at home?
How old you are does and doesn't matter - losing your mother is awful no matter what age you are. I lost mine when I was 17 - and I will never get over it - but 38 years later I have most definitely made a life for myself. I was in my freshman year of college when she passed...well, I was actually home for the summer. She died on July 4th, I went back to school, lasted about 6 weeks before I pretty much lost it, and checked out. Never did finish that degree, and I know my mother's greatest dream would have been for me to finish school. She let me go to college when I was 16 because she knew she wouldn't make it.
We aren't really sure if we are talking to a grad student or a high school student. In some ways, losing your mom is what it is - just hard all the way around - but how you react to your grief is sometimes affected by your chronological age. If you could share a little more about yourself perhaps we could come up with even more concrete help for you?
Im 33 years old, i originally from Argentina. I moved to the USA when my father became the mod snip Ambassador in the US back in 2001. When i moved here i didnt do anything, i literally just lived but a few years ago i wanted to become a Vet but i couldnt do it because the closest school to where i live (Los Angeles) is 7 hours away (UCDavis) and the only one in the LA area (1 hour away from me) isnt very good, so that's a no no. So, after that dream vanished ive decided to take an online course to become a vet technician, that's the "school" i quit after my mom passed away. It wasnt 100% online because you have to go and take some live classes, take exams, etc.
I live here by myself (i have a boyfriend that comes stay with me almost everyday) but my father due to his job keeps traveling everywhere.
Im sure after a while things will get better and i will keep going with my life but right now its very hard. Just now i was doing laundry and i heard a song on the radio that i like and i started kinda dancing and then it hit me again, my mind was telling me "Stop, remember that your mother die and you have to be sad". I just cant help it. Its the mind that is controlling me and it sucks !
Last edited by Sam I Am; 07-14-2012 at 05:57 AM..
Reason: don't give away identifying information - it is very dangerous
Molly, sometimes distraction is the best thing - it keeps the sharp edges from hurting us as badly and as often. If you are busy, you don't have time to dwell on your grief and with time it will improve. Get back in school. Take some evening classes in something you enjoy, pottery, a book club, or yes - even dancing. Get some exercise - get some sunshine. Both will raise your endorphin level and help elevate your mood. It's very important that you kind of force yourself at this point to return to some semblance of life as it was before your mother's death; it's been over a month. I'm not saying to stop grieving completely, but to realize that there is a whole big beautiful world out there and you deserve to enjoy it. Nutrition is also important. While you may not feel hungry, you have to feed your body to keep it healthy - food deprivation and blood sugar swings can contribute to depression and confusion. You simply must get out of the house - I can't believe for a minute your mother would want you to stop your life as you have. I'm not saying that to be mean, I'm saying moms want their children happy and living life to it's fullest.
You've mentioned that your mind is controlling you and I think that's true. And the mind is a very powerful thing. Please look in the phone book or talk to any friends you might have and see if you can locate the name of a therapist that deals in grief recovery. If you have a clergyman, talk to him or her. There may be some church resources you are not aware of. You don't have to see a psychiatrist or even a psychologist - there are great licensed clinical social workers who will be less expensive and still able to provide you with what you need.
I also think you should talk to your father - tell him you are having a difficult time and you actually need his attention for a little bit. Maybe since you are not in school right now he could take you on one of his business trips and you could use that time to reflect on your mom's life and some happy shared memories to get you through this very difficult time.
feeling guilty for being happy is a part of grief, you have to learn to give yourself permission to smile again and know that it's OK, that the dead don't want us to grieve..the dead don't want anything; it's up to us to decide to live again and talking to someone helps, it's worth trying it to see at least..just to get a professional opinion. Talking does help, you just may not notice right away.
I think i will have to find a grief conselour. Today i went to the market to get some groceries that i needed and i had a breakdown right in the middle of the market, i had to leave everything there and come back home. I feel so insecure if i go out. This is the third time that im trying to do get out but i failed everytime. On Sunday im going to church and see if i can talk to a pastor or someone else who can guide me a little bit.
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