Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
i'm so sorry to hear of your father's passing, mr. panda. my mother passed away from cancer at the age of 49 when i was 21. like other posts have stated, time does help but it still sucks. death does make you question everything. i heard someone say when you are going about your day, think if this were your last day on earth, is this what you would choose to do? life is so precious and short and i hate when i get caught up in silly issues. your father lives on in you and your children. you will keep his memory alive.
Hi Mrpanda - I am very sorry about your dad. The post above is from my sister...I was 19 when our mom died. It was a tragedy for our family. Time makes it better, but there is still a big hole in my heart (even 21 years later). You'll have to remind yourself that your dad would want you to continue to lead a happy, productive life doing what you want to do, even though it will be very hard for a long time.
My Mother passed in 2001, from an aneurism. After 2 days, I had to make the decision to take her off of life support. As I watched the monitors showing what little life she had left slip away, I felt that this was the lowest point, ever, in my life. But 7 years later, my Father had a stroke, and passed away ten days later. I had made him breakfast that morning, and when we returned to make him supper, we found him, on his back, in a dark bedroom. The paramedics took him to the Hospital, but he couldn't eat, or drink because the stroke had paralyzed all but one arm, and his eyes. But through movement of his eyes,and squeezing my hand once for yes, two for no, he was able to confirm what he had preached to me for many years. That under no circumstance does he want to be "kept alive" by artificial means if he ever was in this state. So the next ten days were an agonizing journey for my wife and I and the relatives that came by, watching him slowly succumb to death by starvation. Even in my darkest hours, when I remember him, and his passing,I think of his decision to die the way he wanted, instead of letting a machine choose the time. That, to me, is a quiet victory, if there is such a thing, over at least the manner in which a person will be taken. Dad lived life his own way, and died his own way. To me, at least, my Father was a great and noble man in his darkest hours. He put his personal comfort aside so he could choose the manner in which his journey would end. Me, personally, I don't fear death as much as I am concerned with the time at which it will come. My parents, both, left their lives in disarray, and though it was not something they had control over, I was the one left to wander through the aftermath of their lives, now ended, making sure everything was in order. I still grieve, for Mother, and Dad, but their passing, along with the deaths of so many people, and loved ones we have known, has made me realize that even though death is sometimes ruthless, taking at will, randomly, and without remorse, or compassion, it is still a part of life. Alpha, and Omega. I believe in the addage that we never get over the deaths of our loved ones, but with time, it seems the pain and sorrow become a little easier to deal with. At least, it has for me. I hope all of you who have suffered a loss of a love one can find peace, even in your sorrow.
My father died this past Wednesday, September 12, 2012. He was in a nursing home with advanced dementia. He just stopped eating and drinking about a week before his death. He became unresponsive to Mom and me and the staff and refused to take his blood pressure medication and any other meds. He was 78 years old. He had an Advanced Health Directive, and Death came on Dad's terms.
He was a fantastic father, and I will miss him. He donated his body to the Oklahoma University Body Donor Program, so there was no service per Dad's instructions. Now I am taking care of Mom. (She is doing well under the circumstances. As she said, we lost Dad months ago due to the dementia.) Mom is still at home and in pretty good health, so I hope to have her around for quite a while.
Doing all the stuff after a death has been relatively easy since Mom and Dad had everything in order before Dad's dementia set in. Right now, all the calls have been made, and we're just waiting on death certificates and forms to fill out for insurance, Social Security, Mom's health supplement plan from Dad's policy, VA benefits, etc. I really thank Dad (and Mom) for getting all this financial and paperwork business in place before Dad died. I think everyone should do this before death if it's possible. It sure makes it easier on those left behind.
Dad, I will miss you, and like I told you before you left us, I will never forget you, and I'll take care of everything.
Educator, your love and respect for your dad AND your mom shines through in your post....I am sorry for the physical loss of your father, whom you apparently loved very much, and for the loss of your father to dementia a while back. This is a very lovely tribute to him. I know he heard your promises and I am positive you will keep them. Peace to you and your family as you walk down a new path. Shalom.
My father passed away at the age of 65 on July 12, 2012. He had a big influence in my life as mentor, father, and friend. He died from a sudden heart attack and my heart was not ready to let him go. I know that he is in heaven with the Lord, but it has been so difficult for me to accept that is no longer on this earth.
I started to question everything about my life, my purpose, and my calling. I have never experienced death so close until the age of 35 and I realize that this life we live in a temporary place we live. It was also so clear to me that we come to this world with nothing and my father left this world with nothing in his hands. I am ashamed to admit this, but for the past 10 years of my life I had been driven by money and achieving financial success.
I wanted to ask if any of you have been in the same place and how you deal with your grief of losing your father whom you loved so much.
I am so sorry. I lost my dad a few years ago and still "talk" to him.
Once a year I make a donation to something that he would have been interested in. This year I donated to Farm Aid, another year I donated to a community near where he lived that wanted to build a bike path through the woods....
I am sorry for your loss. All of my parents have passed, first my step mother, then my mother, just a few months later. My step father and last was my father, the day after Christmas.
Since you asked about the father, I had not seen or talked to mine in many years. Right after the auto accident that put my step mom in a coma, was when I was told my father had been checked for Hep C, as blood work discovered my step mom had it.
I live on the west coast and my father lived in the mid west. I was traveling to the state he lived in and had made arrangements to go visit him, instead I got on the plane and came home. I just didn't want to open that can of worms. What was the point after all this time.
So, when I got news my father passed, I honestly felt weight lifted off my shoulders. I was sad for my grandmother.
I saw no reason to go back for his services, but felt as his 2nd daughter, I should say something.. I sent a note back and asked that it be read at the services. I basically said the same thing you expressed about your father, I had lost him long ago. About 25 years ago. I said that we were part of a life that he left behind. I cried a few tears and closed the doors.
Now my mother was a totally different story and it took me several months for it to set in that she had gone. I still cry when I think about how much I miss my mother, it has been 10 years now.
I lost my mother to cancer in April 2011, at the young age of 53.
It was a sad time but I have found that the best way to deal with it is to focus on the good memories that you have together. Ultimately the biggest legacy your relatives leave is the positive impact they had on the lives of those around them while they were here, especially their children.
I don't believe in an afterlife so I know I will not see my mother again, but the way I look at it, if I am successful in my life and a become a person she would have been pleased with, that will be the biggest tribute to her memory, as it will be a testament to her success and capability as a mother and parent.
My mom told me on my birthday, March 4th, that they found a small speck of cancer in her lungs. May 30th, she was gone. My mother always wanted to be an organ donor, she always spoke of how she would continue to live with what ever organ she donated, a child could see through her beautiful brown eyes.
I never was much into the organ donor option. But my aunt told me before my mother passed the doctor was asking her for her last requests as her doctor, she said, "I don't want to be revived. When it's time to go, let me go. And I want to be an organ donor" Doctor shook his head no as he said, "I am sorry, you can't be an organ donor, your body is full of cancer" And it really was, breast, gi tract, bone..
I have chosen to be an organ donor, so my mother can continue to live, through me to the person who may get my organs. That's a good way to look at an after life. Oh, my mother was 52 years.
My biological father was abusive, a pig and an alcoholic.
When I graduated with my BS degree he has the gall to show up drunk on my door step and begged to come in.
I sad no and slammed the door.
In the early morning when I got up to get the morning paper I found him on the side of the house passed out from drinking.
I took his wallet out and scored seven 100 dollar bills that I kept and paid an extra month of rent in advance.
He died of esophageal cancer brought about by drinking at the age of 49.
On that day my friends took me out to a nice steak dinner to celebrate.
I didn't really handle it to be honest. Both of my parents died before my first birthday so I don't remember them and if it wasn't for a picture my aunt gave me. I couldn't even tell what they looked like. I don't even think about them now.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
