How did you handle it when your father passed away
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I handled my dad's death "OK". He died in 2004 at age 57 from pancreatic cancer. I was uncontrollable and crying hysterically the day he told me he was diagnosed with this cancer. I knew that his life expectancy was short but that did not mean the day he died I wasn't sad. I cried and I was by his side (even though he had passed 1 hour before)and stayed with him until the funeral home arrived to take him. I talked to him and let him know I was there.I was sad and relieved at the same time. Sad that he was gone but relieved that he wasn't suffering anymore. Unfortunately when he was diagnosed he only lived 6 weeks after that. We weren't very close but we did have some good times together. Now my mom is still alive (67 years old) we are best friends, I dread the day when she passes, I know It will be harder for me.
My dad died suddenly in his sleep Christmas Day 2008. It sucks, and I still miss him. I am sorry for your loss. It takes as long as it takes, and don't beat yourself up. The first year will be hard due to holidays, birthdays, etc.
When I was 16 my dad passed from cancer. It was........a relief in the way that he was no longer suffering. We never had a car, so he rode his bike everywhere. In some strange way, I almost prefered the cancer death, as opposed to hearing he was hit by a car....ya know? I suppose that's just that greiving part was almost out of the way with cancer by the time he passed.
I did cry a little, but my brother and I had to support my mom, and be strong for her.
I DID however, find myself with next to ZERO tolerance for people who gave me the "wrong look", or gave me lip, stuff like that. That went on for a couple months.
I'm 30 now, and I do think about him often. But it's more just a reflection of fond memories, and not sadness. I do wonder what life would have been like though, with him still around.
I absolutly dread the day my mom passes. Not that my father was any less important, of course.
My father passed away at the age of 65 on July 12, 2012. He had a big influence in my life as mentor, father, and friend. He died from a sudden heart attack and my heart was not ready to let him go. I know that he is in heaven with the Lord, but it has been so difficult for me to accept that is no longer on this earth.
I started to question everything about my life, my purpose, and my calling. I have never experienced death so close until the age of 35 and I realize that this life we live in a temporary place we live. It was also so clear to me that we come to this world with nothing and my father left this world with nothing in his hands. I am ashamed to admit this, but for the past 10 years of my life I had been driven by money and achieving financial success.
I wanted to ask if any of you have been in the same place and how you deal with your grief of losing your father whom you loved so much.
So sorry for your loss.
I lost my dad in 2009, I dislike when people tell me "it gets easier" or "time heals all", ugh...I just look at them and shake my head...
It's been 3 years and I miss him like it was 2009...I think more about the great times we had, not just about the few weeks leading up to his death...I wish to celebrate his life not his death, however it's extremely difficult at times.
I've had grief counseling but I see no change...I am also dealing with my mom, who is still devastated...so that stress doesn't help the situation. I understand everyone grieves differently, but I constantly repeat to her that she needs to focus on celebrating his life, remembering their 45 years of marriage, etc and not focusing on his death. It was nearly 6 months before I really realized he was really gone because I needed to stay strong and be there for my mom and I continue to do so 3 years later......I was always close with my parents, not saying all of this would be easier if I wasn't...
Personally, my dad's passing made me realize that material things really don't matter in this life...yes, you need "things" to live, such as food, shelter, clothing, but I was consumed with working, money, "things" etc...My dad's passing made me realize that none of that mattered in the end. All my dad needed around him was love from his family in his final hours here....none of the "stuff" mattered. Having your family and loved ones around you is priceless. I firmly believe this...
What helps me is I remember times we shared, most of the best times were at home, the backyard, chatting over a cup of coffee in the den, etc...I look at family photos/albums, I listen to some of the music he liked, I talk to family about stories when we were younger...that helps, but honestly none of this will ever repair the hole in my heart.
Anyways, I can ramble on and on...I hope this helps.
My Father almost made it to 90; he detested being old and (what he called) frail...he had lost a lot of strength but his mind was as sharp as ever. He actually said that sometimes he envied folk who had some form of dementia; he figured that they didn't realize how their bodies were "letting them down".
He developed respiratory problems which irritated him immensely and he was just learning about the internet...he loved that.
Very early one misty summer morning he went out to his beloved garden and fell down dead from a massive heart attack (no previous heart problems).
About an hour later when I was called my first thought was one of gladness for him; he had lived a good and long life and had been wanting to go.
Oh indeed, I miss him and his quick humor, his generous spirit and his love for us, but I've never felt a single moment of sadness. I'd like to go the same way...quickly and painlessly.
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Within 10 days (his lucky number) I was pregnant with my first, a daughter.
The entire pregnancy I would say that it would freak me out if the baby had blue eyes. My dads were blue, mine were green, hubs were brown.
She came out not only with his exact blue eyes, also with his "look". It is still like my dad looking straight at you.
At the time it was a terrible shock, I remember I sort of went to jelly. But he died suddenly, a really good death, and he lived his life on his own terms, just like I do. I'm kind of proud of him, and things like that and my daughter's eyes make it less painful.
My Dad had Alzheimers and he had to stay in a nursing home at the end. (For his own safety and protection.)...My Dad could be a "control freak" at times and a "stubborn cuss!" He loved being "king of the castle" in his house! So I was amazed at how well he did in the nursing home..He seemed at peace and happy and content! (And this gave me peace too!)..Eventually he slipped into a mysterious coma. My "gut feeling" told me that this was his way of letting us know that he planned to "go" soon. And his way of creating an easy and peaceful transistion for himself when he finally "left."...I didn't want him to "go" but I felt that he wanted to be with my Mom. (And I didn't blame him for missing her!)...I told my husband that we should probably talk to him and give him permission to "go" even though he was in a coma. My husband agreed...I talked to him first while my husband waited outside. Then my husband had some private moments too...Afterwards we were both together in the room and said "goodbye" before we left...We ran out to take care of a few things and planned to come back. About an hour after we left we received a call that my Dad had passed away....I had vertigo for about 3 weeks after my Dad died. I lost my balance and my "sure-footing" for a little while.
Similar to the OP's dad.... my dad passed on at 63 suddenly and unexpected from heart failure while riding his bike on a 26 mile trail. He was in killer shape, a Body for Life champion and won other fitness competitions. This happened a little over 2 years ago when I was 28 with my first child still baking in the oven at 5 months.
I got the call from my mom while sitting in the gift shop at Pikes Peak (14,100') sipping on some hot chocolate and eating a donut with the wife and some close friends. It was a long drive down the mountain to our home. I broke down a few hours later after it hit me and haven't cried again. I miss him and wish I could have spent more time just talking. Sometimes while driving to work I'll remember him and smile thinking of the great times we had. I'll see him again, so that comforts me.
My main regret is not having my mom get an autopsy to determine the exact cause of death. Was it a defect in his heart? Is it genetic? It would have benefited me to know the cause of death for my own health. His dad died at 40 in an airplane crash, so no health history on my grandfather.
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