How did you handle it when your father passed away

[banjomike]

My father died on the morning he was due to be released from the hospital after a month-long struggle with pneumonia. During that month, he nearly died twice. On that morning, the pneumonia was cured, but his heart had been weakened, and he died in the bathtub, cleaning up to go home. The nurse discovered she was out of shampoo, left and came back with some in about 4 minutes, and he was gone by the time she came back.

It was a good death for him, but a terrible shock for all the rest of us. I last saw him the previous early evening, and he looked great, and was looking forward to going back home.

About 18 months later, a family friend sent my mother a videotape of Dad with a friend of his; they were rocking on a swinging porch rocker visiting. It was only then, that Mom and I realized how sick he had really been, and how long his health had been gradually failing. The video showed us how frail he had become, but in our mind's eyes, he was still the active guy he had always been.
We didn't see how sick he really was with the pneumonia, either. Two different doctors gently warned me he might not make it, but none of us could truly see his physical condition separately from our lifelong observations and thoughts.

He was a gentle man, but tough as nails. He had been often injured severely in his life, but he had always come back. There were a couple of times in the past where he should have died, but he didn't. We all just thought he would pull through one more time because he had done it before, time after time.

The worst for me came about 3 years after his passing. I was driving on a downtown street after fetching my mail from a post office, and out of the corner of one eye, I caught an aging guy walking through a store's front door. I thought- "Hey! There's Dad!". The guy somehow reminded me of how my father may have walked or looked or something.

When the second thought came in an instant- no. That wasn't my father. My father died. I was so devastated I had to pull to the curb and take a minute to pull myself together again. The shock, grief and sorrow was so profound it made me feel faint.

I am now the same age as my father when he died. I have thought a lot about him all this year, as you can imagine, but the shocks of his passing have all departed now. Most of my thoughts are good ones, remembering all the happy times we had, and how lucky I was to have such a good loving father.

I have some sorrow he didn't live to see some grandchildren who came along too late to know him, and I often wonder what he would think about things that go on these days, but more than anything, I'm very glad his passing was quick and peaceful. He loved soaking in a hot bath, and he was off to heaven in the wink of an eye, clean, pink and warm, and smelling of fragrant soap.
I hope when my time comes it will be as good.

[Ankhharu]

Lost mine to Cancer a few years ago. I spent the next few months wondering aimlessly in a fog. We were not close, but the year leading up to his death we had been trying to mend our relationship. It really makes you face mortality and the delicate nature of life. As many others have said, time does heal, but you never really get over the grief. Despite all the problems we had, I do miss him on a regular basis. Especially when I need guidance or advice. We may have had our issues, but I had come to know I could count on him despite our differences.