How did you handle it when your father passed away

[mrpanda]

My father passed away at the age of 65 on July 12, 2012. He had a big influence in my life as mentor, father, and friend. He died from a sudden heart attack and my heart was not ready to let him go. I know that he is in heaven with the Lord, but it has been so difficult for me to accept that is no longer on this earth.

I started to question everything about my life, my purpose, and my calling. I have never experienced death so close until the age of 35 and I realize that this life we live in a temporary place we live. It was also so clear to me that we come to this world with nothing and my father left this world with nothing in his hands. I am ashamed to admit this, but for the past 10 years of my life I had been driven by money and achieving financial success.

I wanted to ask if any of you have been in the same place and how you deal with your grief of losing your father whom you loved so much.

[flyonpa]

Sorry for your loss..

I lost my mom 5 yrs ago, also unexpectedly Was schedule to fly up for Christmas the next day, and she had some sort of stroke, My dad did CPR, Local Police, Volunteer Fire dept, EMS, & Road Crew all responded to there house in a snow storm. Police/EMS were able to get her going again and transferred her to hospital. I could not get out of Atlanta due to ice storm going on here in ATL. It was killing me sitting here, not being able to be there for her & the rest of the family. I was able to get up there on 1st flight next morning, and was able to say good-by before she passed. But I could see at that point she, it was just a shell, her sprit had passed.

I was thankful it happened when it did, Five minutes later my dad would have been off to pick up the grandkids they kid/sat for during the day. And my mom would have died alone on the kitchen floor. My dad was with her talking to her as she stopped, and did CPR till the Cavalry arrived and took over. I miss her allot, I adopted a son the next year, and she would so love to be there to meet him. It turns out my mom's birthday is the same day as my adopted son's birthday. So in someway make me think she has something to do with getting us together.

[locd_beauty]

I know how you feel. Lost my mother in 1993 to ovarian cancer. I was a teenager and it's still very difficult. I have plenty of fond memories of her though and I know she is in a better place!! Please do NOT beat yourself up. I'm sure you have worked very hard and he understood that and was proud of you. Be strong. I hope I've encouraged you Mr. Panda!!

[toll_booth]

Damn, dude. My dad's still kicking it, so I really have no idea what it's like to go through this. I guess the only thing I can say is--it's okay to feel like crap. It's okay to mourn. For as long as you need to mourn.

[atltechdude]

Originally Posted by mrpanda

I wanted to ask if any of you have been in the same place and how you deal with your grief of losing your father whom you loved so much.

I lost my mother to cancer in April 2011, at the young age of 53.

It was a sad time but I have found that the best way to deal with it is to focus on the good memories that you have together. Ultimately the biggest legacy your relatives leave is the positive impact they had on the lives of those around them while they were here, especially their children.

I don't believe in an afterlife so I know I will not see my mother again, but the way I look at it, if I am successful in my life and a become a person she would have been pleased with, that will be the biggest tribute to her memory, as it will be a testament to her success and capability as a mother and parent.

[tamiznluv]

I lost my mom in '92 and my dad in '04. After Dad died, I felt ruderless in this world being an only child. My husband was now my new "anchor" but sadly he died 8 months ago too. Now I am tryng to stand on my own two feet. I don't like it.

[exscapegoat]

My dad died over 20 years ago when he was in his mid 40s. You never quite get over it, but time does help with healing, as cliche & trite as it sounds. Initially, the good memories tended to be overwhelmed by memories of his death & illness. As time went on, those receded and the better memories became more prominent. I found it helped to think of some of the things we shared, love of the beach, odd sense of humor and love of spicy foods to name a few. Those things help me feel connected to him, even though he's no longer here.

It's normal to feel sad, shocked and question things. It's part of grieving.

[MaryleeII]

My sympathies to you on your loss.

My father passed away ~ 25 years ago, and it still hurts. Time heals and you go on, but the grief never goes completely away.

Some things people said to me that helped, I will pass on:

-He wouldn't want you to grieve. he brought you into this world to live and enjoy, not to grieve for events you have no control over.

_Our pastor said to me "we all have our time". Those few, simple words helped more than anyone could realize.

The death of a loved one is a major life trauma, it gets better over time. The first major events after the death are the hardest---like the first Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays, etc following the death . then, gradually, it becomes easier.

Grief is a process that takes time, about 6 months to 2 years. There is no "normal" amount of grief time, but anything outside that range is too little or too much. Someone gave me a book called DON'T TAKE MY GRIEF AWAY it talked about the grief process. I don't remember the author, and I gave away my copy or I'd send it to you. Try finding it, it helped a lot.

Take care, God Bless

[tomoveornot]

i'm so sorry to hear of your father's passing, mr. panda. my mother passed away from cancer at the age of 49 when i was 21. like other posts have stated, time does help but it still sucks. death does make you question everything. i heard someone say when you are going about your day, think if this were your last day on earth, is this what you would choose to do? life is so precious and short and i hate when i get caught up in silly issues. your father lives on in you and your children. you will keep his memory alive.

[in_newengland]

I can't read this thread but just wanted to tell you how I coped when my dad died. At the funeral his brother wondered out loud where we came from and what his grandfather's name was.

That got me started and I began a huge family history project that greatly eased the pain. I lived in another century and in another place in my mind. I "met" a lot of new people and some were distant relatives on the internet in my research.

Then, a few years later, the genealogy group I got involved with online had a reunion in the north of England and--I WENT!

So I gained new relatives to help fill the gap and I saw where my dad's family had come from. It was very emotional but cleansing and ended up feeling good. I had a new respect for my grandfather and how he must have suffered leaving his country behind but I felt so proud of my dad and his siblings for their accomplishments in a new country.

I've been back to that area in the north of England a few more times and it has a lot of meaning for me. It's given a lot back to me and it's helped to fill the emptiness.

I remember someone I admired a long time ago--when her husband died she found a picture of his mother and did an oil painting of it. I didn't understand at the time but I do now. It takes your mind off it but at the same time you're doing something that is connected to it and has meaning for you.

Take your time, find a way to gain some meaning, maybe some sort of project. Also, know that you'll never really get over it, you'll only get used to it.