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I'm not totally "numb" all the time. But I feel like I have to "play soldier" at times to get through each day. And to get through the holiday season this year..I don't expect to remain "numb" forever. (I hope not!) But it just doesn't seem smart (or wise) to open-up all of my "floodgates" right now. (All at the same time.) How do you feel about it?...It seems best to deal with my feelings in spurts right now. (So I don't become overwhelmed or incapacitated etc.)...I don't feel totally "shut-down" but I do have a sense of holding myself back at times just so I can make-it through each day without becoming a "basket case!"..Do you think there are degrees of "numbness?" Do you have another (or better way) of describing this sense of wanting and needing to stay strong? (In order to function.)..I let myself cry at times and make it okay. But I just can't afford to have a total "breakdown" right now...Thanks for listening and sharing.
After only 11 weeks since I lost my husband I feel like I should be "feeling" more. I have my one son and DIL and granddaughter living with me now. Yes I play soldier too. I have to be strong for them. My older son.....I can count on him for guidance with finances. Both are having marriage issues. I guess I try not to think to much. My moments come when I am alone in the car and listen to music......anything....there is always a song that will hit home and bring on the tears. Even Facebook will get me emotional with some writing about the vacations friends are on and what they are doing. I am doing the same as always, but without the man I depended on for 44 years. Writing like I am doing here helps me also. And I got good news about a grief support group starting in January right acoss the street from me. How about a support group for you?
Tami and anifani..Thanks for your caring posts. I do cry in private at times. But maybe I'm starting to come into my "own" a little more and automatically pass if off as being "numb" or ????..Sometimes it's hard to understand all of it...Over the past few weeks I've had to deal with a lot of unexpected things. Felt nervous and shaky at times but managed to get through all of it...I decided to stay-in and hibernate for a few days. (To get back in balance.)...I do cry and feel sad at times but I seem to be doing better too. Maybe I'm just not used to being okay by myself! And I have to put some type of label on it by wondering if I'm "numb" or ?? Does this make any sense?...It can be confusing! Maybe part of me even feels guilty for starting to come into my "own" and not crying all the time!...Has anyone ever felt like this? I know I'm still going to face sad and "down times." I don't feel that my grief is over..Anyway I'm just trying to understand this new phase a little better. Thanks for listening and sharing!
I understand when you mention guilt and not really feeling like the grief is over. I do put on a different face for different people. I have had to resort to medication. Some days I feel edgy. It makes perfect sense about being okay by yourself. Having been together for 44 years, it is a strange feeling to be alone. I went from parents home to being married. Never really on my own.
I understand when you mention guilt and not really feeling like the grief is over. I do put on a different face for different people. I have had to resort to medication. Some days I feel edgy. It makes perfect sense about being okay by yourself. Having been together for 44 years, it is a strange feeling to be alone. I went from parents home to being married. Never really on my own.
This is a big shock to your system now. So the kids who are living with you now are having marital troubles? That's not a good situation for you.
Jude...Thanks for writing. I'm so sorry you lost your husband. It's only been 3 months since my son passed away too...Good that you have a grief support group starting up so close to you soon...I haven't been to any grief counseling. But one of my longtime cats will probably die soon and this could push me over the edge...If I need "help" at some point I may join a group just to hold on to my sanity...Good to have you here. Sending you a hug! Thanks for all you wrote and shared and thanks for caring.
CA, I so appreciate your willingness to check in on me. It has been a tough week, crying off and I. I am very sad and I want the holidays to go by quickly, as it is very very tough on me.
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
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Originally Posted by Jude1948
I understand when you mention guilt and not really feeling like the grief is over. I do put on a different face for different people. I have had to resort to medication. Some days I feel edgy. It makes perfect sense about being okay by yourself. Having been together for 44 years, it is a strange feeling to be alone. I went from parents home to being married. Never really on my own.
Jude, I went from home to hubby, too. My husband died in October 2009 a few days before his 60th birthday (Nov 3). That first year of holidays is a total blank. I don't remember a thing. I have to look back at pictures. My kids didn't spend it with me, so I was alone. Shortly after, my youngest son moved back home, and is still here. I am finally feeling like I can enjoy the holidays a little. I'm not into them. I'm struggling to feel something, but I'm putting on a mask for my son and my other kids in different states who can't be here.
I read a book called Widow to Widow after Bob died, and it was helpful, but it's actually been more helpful in the last year than in the beginning. One thing that struck me was when the author said that most women feel the brunt of the loss at about the six month mark as that's when the estate is settled, they know where they stand financially, and they can start thinking about moving on. But, she said for her, what was everyone else's six months was her third year. That's where I am~~everyone else's sixth month is hitting me now at three years. I guess I'm a slow learner. We were married for 36 years, together for 40, and it's hard being one half of a pair...
I'll be thinking of you, and everyone else as we get through the next few days. Merry Christmas, everyone; smiles and hugs from here in Arizona!
Marcy..I must be on the "slow side" too...Oh well! I don't want to make myself "feel bad" because I still miss my husband and all that we shared together for so many years...And my son has only been "gone" for a couple of months...I know I'll probably be in "pieces" for quite awhile and I am okay with being "slow." I'm sorry you lost your husband and the great love of your life too...Sorry for everyone who has lost loved ones..Sometimes I visit one of my local friends. She's had a lot of problems in her life lately. But she still has her husband and this sure makes a "difference." They lean on each other to get through the "rough times."...She doesn't have to carry all the burdens alone...Anyway I guess we all need to grieve in our own way and on our own timetable...Take care and thanks for sharing.
smilinpretty...Sorry the holidays have been so rough for you. (And being alone on your anniversary too.)...I've been spending a lot of time home by myself. (With my cats.)...Last night I forced myself to go visit a friend and her husband for a little while. They've been dealing with a lot of problems lately and tend to be loners too. (Like me.)...I wanted to provide them with "company" and a few diversions for awhile. (And this applies to me too!)...Afterwards I decided to stop at the store before coming home..I sure felt sad and lonely driving through town all by myself with all the Christmas lights up...I cried off and on but I "made-it" through everything. Nice to come back and have the cats greet me at the door...But all of the sadness "hit me again" later in the night when the cats took-off and went to sleep...And I had to face my "all aloneness" all over again...Sorry that it's been so hard for you too. Hopefully it will be easier to cope with life a little better when the holidays are over and "done with" for this year...Take care and please stay in touch when you can. Wish we lived closer to each other.
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We were married for 36 years, together for 40, and it's hard being one half of a pair...
